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Learn from this


BigGirlPantiesOn

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BigGirlPantiesOn

Hello all:

 

I share this with hopes you will learn from my experience and keep your NC going.

 

10 days ago I heard my ex may be single again from the rebound woman after me. It caused my *mind* to start churning. It lead me to email him, he was very receptive and invited to join him at an AA party. I went alone, we talked briefly about nothing. I left early but the monkey in my mind was twirling.

 

We continued emailing, he asked to meet with me to talk and "catch up". I agreed but later cancelled. I knew it was wrong but his pissy reaction to my cancelling told me he missed me. He did but just in a codependent way. After some snotty emails, him demanding I call him and talk instead of bull**** emailing. I did, left a message that I wanted to talk and make peace. He called back, i let it go to VM, he asked if I was going to a group picnic event tomorrow. I didnt reply till he texted few mins later asking again. I replied asking what time. That's when he gave me the details, including the fact that he was taking his girlfriend and her kid.

 

That's when the boot of reality hit me. Obviously the info I heard was wrong and obviously his intent to see me has nothing to do with our talking. He said he really hoped Id go. He has no idea how he hurt me, though I told him before, how his continued draws to keep me close hurts me. He is an insecure alcoholic (supposedly sober) who NEEDS women to stay in his life to validate him. He clearly cannot see it. he moved on past me without a thought to how it hurt me. His feelings just disappeared and "hey, yours should too!" seems to be his "reality".

 

I sent an email telling him everything Id wanted to say, how he hurt me, how his self-centeredness was so blinding him to the feelings of women. I took his inventory as they say. I had waited months to say it, so it all came out. How did he reply?

 

"You are a sick woman!" I replied by saying "Thanks" and he then followed with "F__K Off". There was never a profane word between us ever so this shocked me. He must of felt a smidge of guilt cus he followed up a lovely apology of "Sorry, you've obviously upset me. You dont know me. Leave me alone". Isn't that sweet?

 

It was just another reminder that I obviously needed of his inability to feel the pain he has caused and that his leaving me was a GIFT!

 

It was also my reminder that I need a lot more work in seeing reality as it IS and not as I see it: cloudy and distorted. For the life of me, I could not imagine why he was so adamant about seeing me if he has another gf. That is MY denial....he just wants the comfort to his ego in having many women at his beck and call.

 

He may be sick, but he was right, I AM still ill if I still think he can be someone he is not. It hurts. But it is a needed kick in my side.

 

Please learn my friends from this....

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Thank you, BGPO, for your honesty and self-reflection here. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Sending good thoughts your way.

 

M.

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BigGirlPantiesOn

Thank you :)

 

It's been several hours since this all occured. Since then he's emailed and called once. Deleted both messages. I am feeling better and more free. I can see this man is in his own inner turmoil. No one lashes out so intensely if they are spiritually broken. I am forgiving him because I have compassion for him, but more so for me. He is a sick man who is twirling in his own self created pain.

 

Luckily for me I have great friends and a sponsor I reached out to in order to right size my mind.

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Ex's are weird. Mine was the same way. He'd turned off any emotions or feelings he had for me months before he actually got up the backbone to BU. I just remember thinking so strange to me how some people, who at one point claim to love you and seemed crazy about you, can just turn it off. It's put me off relationships really and I think I'm going to have some major trust issues moving forward.

 

Cant believe he thought you'd be ok going to hang out with him and his new GF. My ex seems to think this is something I should be able to do too. I'm just like WTF??? Like I said unbelievable how they can change their feelings like that.

 

No matter how much I want to I will never ever contact my ex again. I just know that even if he did change his mind it wouldnt matter now since the way he behaved during and prior to the BU, would never trust or care for him the way I once did again...sad.

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Sory to hear your tales, but these people. Are sick. Not every rationale human being will behave like that. It's inhuman

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