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Anyone else feel like they're lonely and won't meet anyone else?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:37 AM   #1
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Anyone else feel like they're lonely and won't meet anyone else?

Hey guys, 5 months post break up. 2.5 year year relationship. broke up to find himself.

I'm back at uni now, i did not expect to feel like this. It was here that everything started to go downhill in our relationship so i thought it'd make me feel better being here again as i'd be reminded of all of the problems we had.

I'm still doing ok, i know i'll be over him completely eventually but i think i'm going through another stage, at least i hope that's what it is.

I feel like i'll never meet anyone. I know how ridiculous it sounds as there are so many people in the world but only so many in social circles or situations that i am in. I have met a few people back at uni, asked on a few dates but none of them hold any interest for me and they're actually making me go backwards a bit and want my ex to regret.

Also, i have too much free time, not in the day, but in the evenings. :/ i volunteer, i work, i do sports, i do my course in the day but at night i'm stumped. all of my housemates are in relationships so they tend to be with them or talking to them.

I suppose i just feel a bit lonely, missing having that 'person' to love, think about, be held by.

Anyone else gone through these stages or have advice?
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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:40 AM   #2
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Take your time, someone new will come

I was single for almost 3 years, worth the wait though.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:43 AM   #3
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Only advice is "hang in there" lol
Its really normal to feel that way but you know you will find someone lol You already get asked out a few times sounds like its on the right track! It wont be that easy to find a bf and certianly wont be easy for him to find a gf either. He's very much likely to be lonely too.
Get some company from friends! It helps a lot.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:49 AM   #4
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thanks for these posts, yeah i do hope it's just a stage. None of my friends have ever been through a break up like this so i'm completely unaware if this is normal or not.

do you have any suggestions for the evenings? at the moment i feel like i'm just reading a book or watching a film :P
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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:58 AM   #5
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I'm going through the exact same stage right now, and I hope that's all it is, a stage. Zero confidence or self esteem in myself right now no matter how hard I try to pump myself up every day and be optimistic.

Seriously, if my ex didn't find me attractive and wanted nothing to do with me after all the love, help, and care I gave her, how can anyone else? In my opinion, I've dramatically improved my looks since we broke up (better haircut/style, nicer clothes, switched to contacts because I look better without glasses, etc.) but I still feel worse than ever.

Heck, one of my female friends flat out told me "wow Chris, you're looking really good" and all it did was make me anxious (is she being sarcastic?!? judging me?!? etc.) So yeah, zero confidence after my break up and definitely seems like no one is out there for me. Emma, you're not alone.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 2:59 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma1234 View Post
thanks for these posts, yeah i do hope it's just a stage. None of my friends have ever been through a break up like this so i'm completely unaware if this is normal or not.

do you have any suggestions for the evenings? at the moment i feel like i'm just reading a book or watching a film :P
I just go running every evening :P After that I talk to my best friends. Im really grateful that they are so helpful. They havent experienced any breakup but they have so many wisdom words.
Sometimes it helps a lot to "bash" those a**holes lol and my friends helped me to realize how cheap/sleazy/low/mean or whatever they are cuz we just cant see it. We are blinded my love! And I just feel "how can I love someone like that"?
And to me, it helps a lot to know lots of people (like my friends )wouldnt even be interested to look at them twice. So why are we so dwelled on them lol
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:02 AM   #7
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Take your time, someone new will come

I was single for almost 3 years, worth the wait though.
You are very cute Fufu. No idea how you were single for 3 years
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:03 AM   #8
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Its always weird for me (Also a guy so it might be different)...

I feel like I'm going to find someone that really isnt the issue for me...I guess mine is since I'm 27, I would like to find a mate sooner rather than later. I'm not old, but I'm not really at a time to be screwing around. I would like to have children someday, and want to be able to play sports with them and everything. Just a small rant....

ANYWAYS, I'm going to assume that since you are in uni, you are still VERY young. If that is the case, what are you so worried about? You are no where close to being anywhere near the point of "I'll never find anyone" ESPECIALLY if you had dates lol. One key rule I've learned and still learning: NEVER compare yourself to your friends. We all go this world at different paces, so never try and measure up to anyone else but yourself.

For the evenings, if all of your friends are busy, then find some hobby. Maybe watch a series of movies...start a new TV show...read a certain type book. Anything to keep your mind moving. Its only a small snag in life.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:06 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Chris715 View Post
I'm going through the exact same stage right now, and I hope that's all it is, a stage. Zero confidence or self esteem in myself right now no matter how hard I try to pump myself up every day and be optimistic.

Seriously, if my ex didn't find me attractive and wanted nothing to do with me after all the love, help, and care I gave her, how can anyone else? In my opinion, I've dramatically improved my looks since we broke up (better haircut/style, nicer clothes, switched to contacts because I look better without glasses, etc.) but I still feel worse than ever.

Heck, one of my female friends flat out told me "wow Chris, you're looking really good" and all it did was make me anxious (is she being sarcastic?!? judging me?!? etc.) So yeah, zero confidence after my break up and definitely seems like no one is out there for me. Emma, you're not alone.
Wanting nothing to do with you doesnt mean she finds you unattractive.
And even if she does find you unattractive it's because she's been looking at you everyday and she got used to it. Im sure you can relate to this!
I really think you are overthinking this.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:12 AM   #10
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Wanting nothing to do with you doesnt mean she finds you unattractive.
And even if she does find you unattractive it's because she's been looking at you everyday and she got used to it. Im sure you can relate to this!
I really think you are overthinking this.
Oh I know for a fact that I'm overthinking this stuff. I've been nothing short of obsessed with my physical appearance lately. Any time I'm in public, at college, at work, anywhere, and get looks from women, even if they're smiling at me, I have a momentary bout of anxiety and think "oh god, she's judging me, I look terrible," etc.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:18 AM   #11
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it feels good to know i'm not alone! thanks for the responses.

i think that our own egos take a bit of a beating when we go through a break up and it's only natural to feel worried about our appearance, but to me it sounds like you've taken a negative and made it a positive by doing things to help you feel better about yourself so good on you!

and i know it sounds ridiculous because i'm at uni, but i suppose i'm focusing on my future because this is the time where i'm molding it and i thought my ex was going to be a huge part of that. I don't think that having all of my friends in long term relationships helps but at the same time it sort of gives me hope that relationships do work.

just feeling a bit stuck, i also feel like i'm being too picky and i'm worried i'll over analyse every potential partner too much
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:28 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Chris715 View Post
Oh I know for a fact that I'm overthinking this stuff. I've been nothing short of obsessed with my physical appearance lately. Any time I'm in public, at college, at work, anywhere, and get looks from women, even if they're smiling at me, I have a momentary bout of anxiety and think "oh god, she's judging me, I look terrible," etc.
and you know they are not judging you right?
As a girl I really dont judge every guy i see on street...Too many to judge! lol
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:41 AM   #13
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and you know they are not judging you right?
As a girl I really dont judge every guy i see on street...Too many to judge! lol
Good to hear it from a female perspective I guess, lol. But yeah, after the fact I can realize that I'm not being judged or some sort of social situation I was in was not a big deal, it's really just in the moment when the anxiety kicks in.

It's been this way with most any and all women lately and definitely brought on from my break up. For example, there's a girl in one of my classes who I've talked to a few times, would definitely like to get to know her more. Problem is any time I'm going to approach and start a conversation the negativity kicks in: why would she want to talk to me? Can she possibly find me attractive? What do I have to offer her? etc. Some really serious self image problems, anxiety, and depression since my break up, and I think it all just reciprocates one another.
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:45 AM   #14
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im sure she will talk to you. we don't ignore people just because they dont look like a stud. whether she likes you or not deprnds on other things about you as well. if she doesn't like you move on to someone else. its not like you cant get a gf . so chill out and go mingle
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Old 3rd October 2013, 3:51 AM   #15
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on an unrelated note. .do you still have feelings for your ex? or you have completely moved on and is not focusing on that new girl now
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