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Something For The Dumped


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:)

 

Hi All,

 

So my BF of several years broke up with me a few months ago for what he believes are legitimate reasons that it just wont work. At the time I was pretty upset and hurt, and honestly felt pretty stupid about the whole thing.

 

But the longer I spend away from him the better I feel and the luckier I actually feel that rather then spending 10,20,30 years with someone who did not appreciate just how awesome I am, It was only a few years. I know anyone going through this now wont believe it and probably wont want to hear it but YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS AND COME OUT OF IT A BETTER PERSON FOR IT.

 

Some reasons why I know I am better off:

 

1. I realised that a lot of our relationship revolved around him and his expectations - which as he will find out in his future relationships were way too high and no one will ever be able to meet them. Now I actually have the opportunity to do the things I want to do and no longer think about someone else all the time.

 

2. I'm closer to people in my life now and have made new friends too - with all my focus on OP I had not put into these relationships what I should have. And ironically a lot of these people are the ones who love and accept me just the way I am.

 

3. He's actually not the great guy I thought he was - I have lost all respect for him because of his after break up behaviour - he is just trying to sleeze onto anything with a heartbeat. Its really sad and pathetic. I would of thought I'd be jealous but its had the opposite effect - I just feel sorry for these women and think, as was the case throughout our relationship, he's not actually dealing with his feelings and the realization he has given up a great thing. Also even if he did meet his perfect match I know what he is offering them - a half arse attempt at a relationship cos he doesn't want to put any work into it so it will never last long anyway. I can see him bouncing around from girl to girl to girl and never feeling he is getting what he truly wants from a relationship. I think the lack of jealousy is a big sign that I am actually moving forward - and haven't don't that by using other people as a distraction.

 

4. My confidence and self esteem are improving - being in a relationship with someone who saw me as "never enough" really did effect my confidence. I didn't realize it while I was in it, but slowly I am getting back to the person I really am. And I am working on myself so I never allow anyone to treat me like this again.

 

5. I really believe that after getting out there and having a bit of fun for a while he will realise what a huge mistake he made. And I know a lot of people probably think that, but it really is true. He was so lucky to have me and although we had some issues, as all relationships do, they weren't things that could not have been worked on and resolved had he actually wanted to. So its HIS loss - he's lost a great mate, love, someone who genuinely cared for him and good sex :)

 

6. The good thing about not being the person who broke up with someone - I don't have any guilt, I don't have regret, I don't have doubt of did I do the right thing. I haven't hurt someone I care about. I can move forward with a clear conscience.

 

These are just a few things- there are more if you take a breath, step back, and look.

 

I think at the end of the day its not about compatibility, common interests, personalities or anything else. If you have love, friendship and the most important thing - YOUR BOTH WILLING TO WORK AT IT, then you will have a great relationship. A lot of the time I think people think this is just too hard and don't want to put the work into it. It's just easier to throw in the towel. And if that's the case then they will end up having the same issues with their next relationship.

 

Its so cliché but I feel I have really grown from this experience and learnt so much from it. Look at it this way, why waste your time with someone who doesn't see how awesome you are, when there is someone out there who will recognize and appreciate it.

 

In the meantime, work on yourself, work on loving yourself just the way you are, work on accepting yourself, work on realising you are a great person and even if your OP didn't see that in you - know in your heart that YOU ARE GREAT just the way you are.

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Gee whiz! I could have written that verbatim! We both dodged a bullet, eh? :-)

Because I too am able to make friends with my ex-bf no longer around to pull me down, have new focus and probably even look better than I did with him.

 

It's only the charm when they are after ya that makes us think they are worth anything.:cool:

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:)

 

Hi All,

 

So my BF of several years broke up with me a few months ago for what he believes are legitimate reasons that it just wont work. At the time I was pretty upset and hurt, and honestly felt pretty stupid about the whole thing.

 

But the longer I spend away from him the better I feel and the luckier I actually feel that rather then spending 10,20,30 years with someone who did not appreciate just how awesome I am, It was only a few years. I know anyone going through this now wont believe it and probably wont want to hear it but YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS AND COME OUT OF IT A BETTER PERSON FOR IT.

 

Some reasons why I know I am better off:

 

1. I realised that a lot of our relationship revolved around him and his expectations - which as he will find out in his future relationships were way too high and no one will ever be able to meet them. Now I actually have the opportunity to do the things I want to do and no longer think about someone else all the time.

 

2. I'm closer to people in my life now and have made new friends too - with all my focus on OP I had not put into these relationships what I should have. And ironically a lot of these people are the ones who love and accept me just the way I am.

 

3. He's actually not the great guy I thought he was - I have lost all respect for him because of his after break up behaviour - he is just trying to sleeze onto anything with a heartbeat. Its really sad and pathetic. I would of thought I'd be jealous but its had the opposite effect - I just feel sorry for these women and think, as was the case throughout our relationship, he's not actually dealing with his feelings and the realization he has given up a great thing. Also even if he did meet his perfect match I know what he is offering them - a half arse attempt at a relationship cos he doesn't want to put any work into it so it will never last long anyway. I can see him bouncing around from girl to girl to girl and never feeling he is getting what he truly wants from a relationship. I think the lack of jealousy is a big sign that I am actually moving forward - and haven't don't that by using other people as a distraction.

 

4. My confidence and self esteem are improving - being in a relationship with someone who saw me as "never enough" really did effect my confidence. I didn't realize it while I was in it, but slowly I am getting back to the person I really am. And I am working on myself so I never allow anyone to treat me like this again.

 

5. I really believe that after getting out there and having a bit of fun for a while he will realise what a huge mistake he made. And I know a lot of people probably think that, but it really is true. He was so lucky to have me and although we had some issues, as all relationships do, they weren't things that could not have been worked on and resolved had he actually wanted to. So its HIS loss - he's lost a great mate, love, someone who genuinely cared for him and good sex :)

 

6. The good thing about not being the person who broke up with someone - I don't have any guilt, I don't have regret, I don't have doubt of did I do the right thing. I haven't hurt someone I care about. I can move forward with a clear conscience.

 

These are just a few things- there are more if you take a breath, step back, and look.

 

I think at the end of the day its not about compatibility, common interests, personalities or anything else. If you have love, friendship and the most important thing - YOUR BOTH WILLING TO WORK AT IT, then you will have a great relationship. A lot of the time I think people think this is just too hard and don't want to put the work into it. It's just easier to throw in the towel. And if that's the case then they will end up having the same issues with their next relationship.

 

Its so cliché but I feel I have really grown from this experience and learnt so much from it. Look at it this way, why waste your time with someone who doesn't see how awesome you are, when there is someone out there who will recognize and appreciate it.

 

In the meantime, work on yourself, work on loving yourself just the way you are, work on accepting yourself, work on realising you are a great person and even if your OP didn't see that in you - know in your heart that YOU ARE GREAT just the way you are.

 

THANK YOU.

 

Amazing mentality and reasoning. I thought I had that with my ex but she clearly backed out after she saw how much "fun" she can have and didn't want me to ruin it as soon as I got back. This come with maturity, which unfortunately not everyone has.

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