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Learning your Ex has someone new


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I have been sick to my stomach and trouble sleeping all week. All I can think about him and her together even if I'm occupied with something else... miserable.

 

I have been dating and meeting men but have yet to click with anyone at all. The only thing that will get me over this is if I find a new guy I like a whole lot, which is taking way too long.

 

This is torture how long will this go on? I know for a fact he is very serious with her and they are just a happy little couple. I want to puke! Help!

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You are suffering from a condition called codependency. Take this time to get to know yourself, set standards and boundaries. Once you feel and internalize that you don't need anyone to make you happy is when you will be ready to start dating and find a worthy partner that will reciprocate in every aspect. Don't worry about your ex dating anyone he is free and clear to do as he pleases just like you are.

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You shouldn't be looking to find someone new until the thought of your ex being with someone else doesn't bother you anymore. You're clearly not over your ex, and it wouldn't be fair to a new person for you to still be hung up while with them.

 

Outside of this, the less you know about your ex the better. Don't check up on them, ask your friends not to mention him, and go full NC. Take your focus off of your ex and what's going on in his life, and place it on yourself and what's going on in your own life.

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1. Stop competing. You are trying to hit a 5 run homer. It doesn't exist.

2. Open your mind. When you're out, you are automatically comparing.

3. You're going out and getting dates. That's great, but you're being desperate. Just have fun

4. So they're serious. He's her problem now.

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I struggle with this same issue. The fact of the matter is, you can't be happy in any relationship if you can't be happy with yourself. Right now I am learning to love myself more and be happy being by myself. Until you do this, you won't be able to be in a successful relationship. It sucks, it's hard as hell, but right now, be in a relationship with yourself!

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Don't keep tabs on him then it won't have the power to re-open wounds! As far as you are concerned, he's dead! No news searching. If you have common friends, tell them you do not want to hear anything about him at all, period. Facebook, Twitter all that should be out.

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I struggle with this same issue. The fact of the matter is, you can't be happy in any relationship if you can't be happy with yourself. Right now I am learning to love myself more and be happy being by myself. Until you do this, you won't be able to be in a successful relationship. It sucks, it's hard as hell, but right now, be in a relationship with yourself!

 

I absolutely agree, very well put.

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You should take a second and read my thread.

 

Who cares if they have someone new?

 

In the grand scheme of things...it doesnt matter one bit.

 

( IF AND WHEN)..because it might not) remember how hurt you are now...and let that be fuel for ( if and when) they come back you tell them to keep it movin'.

 

Might happen, it might not.

 

My advice is to stop worrying about what's going on in someone elses life and devote every single second to improving yourself and making yourself happy again.

 

 

 

Barky

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The way I will look at that if I ever find out is that she left me, and I know what I don't like about her. Those things would then be his problem. Good luck!

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You should take a second and read my thread.

 

Who cares if they have someone new?

 

In the grand scheme of things...it doesnt matter one bit.

 

( IF AND WHEN)..because it might not) remember how hurt you are now...and let that be fuel for ( if and when) they come back you tell them to keep it movin'.

 

Might happen, it might not.

 

My advice is to stop worrying about what's going on in someone elses life and devote every single second to improving yourself and making yourself happy again.

 

 

 

Barky

 

For someone who claims to know everything your failing to realise maybe the op is hurting because of shock and raw emotions.

 

Its a time thing it settles.

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For someone who claims to know everything your failing to realise maybe the op is hurting because of shock and raw emotions.

 

Its a time thing it settles.

 

We all hurt from shock and raw emotions, we are all on the same boat here. It may come across as easier said than some but it's up to us to make the initial step towards recovery, no one will do it for you. We can all talk from her to China however, if the person isn't willing to take the initiative then we have an even bigger problem.

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Just remember all the bad qualities your ex had and how the new person they are with will eventually have to deal with those same things too. Our ex's were not perfect and we realise how much crap we actually put up with when we were with them as time goes by..........but honestly the best way to get over your ex is just to get on with your own life again.

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For someone who claims to know everything your failing to realise maybe the op is hurting because of shock and raw emotions.

 

Its a time thing it settles.

 

This is basically it...shock, pain. That someone else has everything I wanted...he was everything I wanted in a guy and 1st I had to get over he didnt think the same about me. Now its like I have to get over it all over again. Far as being happy with myself I dont really have low self esteem and I do things I enjoy doing. But frustrated and sad that I have yet to meet a guy I like too much at all, much less the way I felt about him. I worry that I will never ceel butterflies when I look into a man's eyes, never feel like I'm in heaven when his arms are around me.

Have only felt that way a couple times in my life. Scared I never will again...I guess that is my problem more so than finding out he has someone. :(

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I have had my share of heartbreak and feeling sad, this time hurts more than ever before...other guys were easy to think oh well, he wasn't that great...not easy to think that this time. Cant tell myself he is a loser or a bad catch or stupid or anything bad at all...except for how he hurt me. I would like to think he wasn't good enough for me anyway, but that would be lying to myself...any woman to have him is the luckiest in the world to me.

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Get him off that pedestal immediately and neither should you force yourself to "hate" him. The relationship ended for a reason(s). Analyze and internalize those reasons and cond to terms with them. The minute you can do that you will start sorting emotions and making room for growth.

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That would be pretty hard. If he was a jerk to you, then Id just feel sorry for her. Cos you know what he's really like.

 

Finding someone new is not the solution!!!! Sooo many people have a relationship end and then just move on to the next one without actually giving themselves time to process whats happened and really heal.

 

I for one have decided to take time out from anything for a while. Its a conscious decision I have made. And when I say a while I mean 6 months to a year. I want to get to a point where I love myself so much that I don't feel I need anyone else to be whole. I know that sounds really corny but Im really looking at this as an opportunity for personal growth.

 

Why is it that when we are not in a relationship we are seen to be "alone"?

I know as human beings we are wired for love and connection. But you don't need to get that from a boyfriend.

 

If he moved on fast then this relationship has a very slim chance of working out. And if he didn't deal with the issues he had with you and really take his share of the responsibility for the break down of your relationship, it will just carry on to the next one. BOTH people in a relationship have contributed their share to it not working out. They would be in the honeymoon period...It'll wear off.

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I do know he is more serious about her than he was with me. He is doing things with her that he wouldnt do with me, etc. To my knowledge he is giving her much better treatment than I ever got. He is a good guy but our personalities clashed. What he is being to her is all the things that I wanted him to be for me. For a few days I have been sick...not eating or sleeping and nauseated, I have even vomited a few times. I look at potential guys to go out with, and the ones who like me are just not intersting to me at all. I only try it as an effort to move on but it doesnt work. I am plenty busy with my friends and what not, but I struggle to keep a smile on even when I am having a good time. I am miserable...

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