AshleyKateNY Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 (edited) My ex of three years broke up with me about 5 months ago. I was kind of blindsided but then again not we had began fighting often broken up about every other week but I had hope being as we are both 22 and 23 I thought we were both being young and stupid and I was going to fight to keep what I loved. Shortly after hr broke up with me with his reasoning being he needed to work on himself which was absolutely necessary and that he wasn't going to be in a relationship or even thinking about that....boom. He's in a new relationship with a 20 year old who works in the mall. Now don't get me wrong she's a very pretty girl but I don't consider myself bad looking either I have a lot going for me I'm a dental assistant by day and picked up a waitressing job at night to keep me busy and my mind off of things. I've been working on myself and I feel this is the best I've looked and felt in the past couple years. I'm doing it for me don't get me wrong but I am also doing it to prove a point to him, I wasn't just going to roll over and die. I'm not going down like that to a 20 year old. Has anyone else ever felt like that. Now with sometime to cool down and collect my thoughts I feel like he's really doing himself an injustice. Am I wrong for that? Is there anyone on here who broke up with someone and saw them genuinely working on themselves and becoming a better person in all aspects and was like...well ****, what did I do. I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be gratifying for me. Cause it would. I also wonder would I be crazy if I thought he was completely over me? I am still hurt I know I am but I'm trying to use this as fuel to my ambition and to not be a weak person. I have good days and bad days but I am trying no contact or anything like that...just doing me. I'd like to know though...any thoughts??:( Edited September 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 I tend to think that the dumpees go away and work on themselves. Eventually after the begging, crying and "looking weak" they want to say "hey look at me I am strong, I look good and I'm just fine without you" I tend to see that dumpers usually don't work on themselves. They usually think they are fine as they are. They are the almighty and because they dumped you the issue lays with you not them (most of the time this is also untrue) X 8 Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 I worked on myself and my ex came back. Mind you, I had some serious issues to work out. Yet, she saw improvements that she's always wanted and finally came back. I wanted to prove to myself(and her) that I could become a better man. On a side note, it sounds like you're doing really well and you sound like a strong person. I'm actually shocked that you're so you g and have your head in straight after a break up. Good job on that! Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Well i can feel how you feel and to tell you sth .... at the stage you are yes you dont want to loose him for good you also want to aprove to the hole thing that you are getting better but the truth is this.. the glass is broken now...would you want to be second in his life? nobody wants that.. thats a tough girl i see you are.. you deserve better,,, p;ease do what you do for you and only you not to show anything to anybody or you are going to get really hurt.... No contact all the way to the way of healing,,,, he is past now... he is no more the person you have in your mind,, i know its hard as **** but you must let go... i am sure you will heal and love will come again , this time wiser and better, and i am sure his karma(of his actions will come too) and also believe you will meet again the world is such a small place... check my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420756-nothing-pains-much-nothing i v been dumped too... i wish the best john Link to post Share on other sites
Vinsanity1307 Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Hey well I am kind of in a similar situation my ex (36 year old with 3 kids that arent mine) of 5 years dumped me for a 40 year old guy she use to "date" for a few months...Even people said this guy is old and gross..I am 27 and been hitting the gym for the past 3 years..I am pushing myself extra hard now to ya know one day show and make her realize what she lost...hopefully..I dont know but I know what your feeling ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 hey i feel that too but it is worng.. we lost them now lets be better for us not to show them anything.. despite that i am sure they will end up to sth worse anyways... when you have it all you dont throw it away .....Hey well I am kind of in a similar situation my ex (36 year old with 3 kids that arent mine) of 5 years dumped me for a 40 year old guy she use to "date" for a few months...Even people said this guy is old and gross..I am 27 and been hitting the gym for the past 3 years..I am pushing myself extra hard now to ya know one day show and make her realize what she lost...hopefully..I dont know but I know what your feeling ... Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Hey well I am kind of in a similar situation my ex (36 year old with 3 kids that arent mine) of 5 years dumped me for a 40 year old guy she use to "date" for a few months...Even people said this guy is old and gross..I am 27 and been hitting the gym for the past 3 years..I am pushing myself extra hard now to ya know one day show and make her realize what she lost...hopefully..I dont know but I know what your feeling ... I was engaged to a 40 year old... I'm 25 :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 hey i feel that too but it is worng.. we lost them now lets be better for us not to show them anything.. despite that i am sure they will end up to sth worse anyways... when you have it all you dont throw it away ..... People do it for both themselves and their exs. It tends to be half "look what you walked out on" and half "well I'm better than you" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 +1 Thats what I've always said on here. I tend to think that the dumpees go away and work on themselves. Eventually after the begging, crying and "looking weak" they want to say "hey look at me I am strong, I look good and I'm just fine without you" I tend to see that dumpers usually don't work on themselves. They usually think they are fine as they are. They are the almighty and because they dumped you the issue lays with you not them (most of the time this is also untrue) X 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crazy1234 Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 My ex of three years broke up with me about 5 months ago. I was kind of blindsided but then again not we had began fighting often broken up about every other week but I had hope being as we are both 22 and 23 I thought we were both being young and stupid and I was going to fight to keep what I loved. Shortly after hr broke up with me with his reasoning being he needed to work on himself which was absolutely necessary and that he wasn't going to be in a relationship or even thinking about that....boom. He's in a new relationship with a 20 year old who works in the mall. Now don't get me wrong she's a very pretty girl but I don't consider myself bad looking either I have a lot going for me I'm a dental assistant by day and picked up a waitressing job at night to keep me busy and my mind off of things. I've been working on myself and I feel this is the best I've looked and felt in the past couple years. I'm doing it for me don't get me wrong but I am also doing it to prove a point to him, I wasn't just going to roll over and die. I'm not going down like that to a 20 year old. Has anyone else ever felt like that. Now with sometime to cool down and collect my thoughts I feel like he's really doing himself an injustice. Am I wrong for that? Is there anyone on here who broke up with someone and saw them genuinely working on themselves and becoming a better person in all aspects and was like...well ****, what did I do. I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be gratifying for me. Cause it would. I also wonder would I be crazy if I thought he was completely over me? I am still hurt I know I am but I'm trying to use this as fuel to my ambition and to not be a weak person. I have good days and bad days but I am trying no contact or anything like that...just doing me. I'd like to know though...any thoughts??:( yes it is true.I have also started doing things and learning things i havent considered doing before the final blow.I don't believe that we had faults and that's why they left us."If he can love me at my best,he should also be able to love me at my worst"thats what i think.How come we see their worst and still chose to love them?On the other hand,they simply give us a f*** off?Ofcourse not everyone thinks and feels the same way,bt i'd like to think so its for our betterment that they leave.Not to prove a point to them but to push ourselves to an extent for healthy things where sky is the limit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AshleyKateNY Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I am a strong girl, and everyone is entitled to good and bad days and feeling the emotional pull of a breakup. It's okay, we'll all get through it. Us as humans are not built to be sad all the time. Eventually one day you wake up and say you know what? I just don't feel like feeling like this all of the time...and that's when you begin your journey. Your journey back to being YOU, the best you that you can be... Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I've been working out and dieting very seriously since my ex and I broke up. I originally started it as a reason to keep my mind off of things but I've gotten into such great shape that I refuse to stop. Part of it was to eventually say "hey, look what you're missing out on" but now I couldn't careless what she thought. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I tend to think that the dumpees go away and work on themselves. Eventually after the begging, crying and "looking weak" they want to say "hey look at me I am strong, I look good and I'm just fine without you" I tend to see that dumpers usually don't work on themselves. They usually think they are fine as they are. They are the almighty and because they dumped you the issue lays with you not them (most of the time this is also untrue) X Agreed. Many of them dont see themselves as the problem. YOU are the one who needs fixing, in their minds. YOU caused all the problems in the relationship. YOU are they reason they just *had to* end things. There's always two sides to a story, and they forget that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phthonos Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Well its been 5 months since my break up and my ex from what I heard and saw she quit her ****ty job, lost weight, went back to school, and did a complete make over sort to say. Although she looks better then ever, she also doesn't look like the girl I fell in love with so its kinda weird that way. So I guess to speak of she did do what she said she wanted to do. Not sure if she is in another relationship but I kind have reason to believe she isn't I on the other hand have been working out a lot,and trying to make myself look better, but on the other hand I have had to put a lot of other side projects I was working on hold because I just wasn't emotionally all there to work on such difficult tasks. Just remember that your a catch, and any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you. Link to post Share on other sites
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