woodstok Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Does anyone here feel this way, i had a recent breakup and it hurts and sucks more than anything i could ever imagine, i do however try to look for the positives like the fact that i am single and ready to meet new people and at the same time the negative is i am single and have to meet new people and start all over again. Love is awesome and relationships sometimes are not.....what the hell is going on....anyone out there understanding me? Link to post Share on other sites
gold26 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Very much so.. in one way your relieved of the stress you were under due to fighting etc.. yet the thought of being alone and starting over is scary.. i also have become to used to just fitting with someone i dont have the desire to relearn someone all over again.. i think along with the security of a long term relationship,we also get used to just being familiar and secure... the sort of routine you have had has suddenly changed and it throws everything off..leaves a huge void.. we are then forced to adapt to it with changing habits.. for me right now that change is terrifying... Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 you make a lot of sense, because yes sir it sucks to have to find someone else all over again that you click with and hit it off because as we all know it is never the 1st or 2nd person we meet after a relationship. We have to weed through all the bulls**t to find that one that makes us feel nervous and gitty about them. That is why breaking up blows, because you found the one you clicked with, you knew them, they knew you, time has been invested, things then become routine and comfortable and even though you may feel all is well the other half is planning their escape without you knowing and BAM!!, like that you wake up to find that someone broke out of your heart, the bastards did not even invite you on their escape they leave you locked up with feelings of pain,hurt, guilt, sadness and most of all the big one FEAR.....of what is to come, who will be the next person you love? What will they look like? What will be their name? How will i know if it is right? I dont want to make a mistake and pick the wrong person just because i feel lonely....see all the s**t that has to happen for one to put the pieces back togther, people lets STOP BREAKING UP, tough it out damn it!! Lets just all stay together...........YEA RIGHT Link to post Share on other sites
gold26 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 one thing i can say for me is that i am going to take some time to myself and treat this breakup like someone has died and give myself time to mourn the loss.. jumping into a rebound would simply leave me dissapointed beyond belief and would also not be fair to someone who could possably be a wonderful person.. i dont ever want to hurt someone the way i have been hurt of that i am deffinate.. i would rather never be with anyone than live with that on my concience.. dont give up on the the fact that even the dumpee may find out the grass is not always greener either and by that time realize what a huge mistake they have made in leaving you.. you may still be available..then again you may not be and guess who lost?? this forum is awsome and if full of such kind very simpathetic unbiased people willing to listen and allow us to vent.. i thank God i found it! Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 ah...salmon skin roll to both of you... salmon skin roll and if you don't know what I'm referring to...it's the misused unagi from an episode of Friends. patience is virtue...as are the 7 virtues of bushido you should look at your life, your heart as a picnic blanket and you are in the middle of this field...it is a beautiful day, all warm but not hot, cool and just perfect...the sun is shining but is not overbearing broken up with the perfect mix of clouds and open air...the grass is healthy but not overrun with weeds...it is maybe 8 inches high...the wind works its way along making that noise we love so much...natural white noise from the leaves of trees and tall grass...we stand there with the blanket in our hands but we don't yet lay it out...only when the wind passes do we unfurl our blanket...we don't want to struggle with a mussed up blanket...we want it to be completely flat so that we can sprawl out with limbs outstretched and truly enjoy life metaphor junky I be Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 Perfectly said Gold26, and i agree with you, i mean i am in no way rushing to find somone to jump back into a relationship with because that would not be fair to them or even to myself because it would squander something that could have been better. My break up was about 3 weeks ago and i still hurt and fell sad and lonely but not as bad as when it first happened and i am the one who got dumped and left. I also agree with you i would never want or think i could hurt someone the way i was hurt, i would just rather be hurt again to be honest. My girl left me for a supposed break, see who she is, what she wants, she loves me so much but feels the spark has somewhat died down and guess what ladies and gentelmen, she is already seeing someone else, oh but it gets better she was already talking to this guy before we even broke up, so she saw it before i did and thought it out before acting on it. Man funny how you love somone sooooo much, yet some other guy can take their attention that quick and offer something they think they might want. I though have been through this before and it was rougher and i have already had solitude like no other, i went 3 years with no relatonship of any kind after my last breakup, so that is why i am scared because LORD knows i dont want to do that again, but i am glad i did because it let me discover who i really am and i learned a lot about myself and what i want out of life. Now the problem is i feel left out, she left me and got someon new right away to pass the time and not worry about me but i on the other had get nothing......Hey LORD its me again for the millionth time...where is my person to pass the time by.....why does the dumpee get rewarded and the dumped get zero, zilch, nada? If she thinks the grass is greener on the other side, wait till the grass turn brown and dies and she looks back to see my side is all bright green like no other, at least that is what i hope Link to post Share on other sites
thecake Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 that my ex's life will turn out miserably. It's not my style to think this way but it makes me feel so much better. This is a good thread...I agree that it's overwhelming to think about investing your time and emotions into another person...but I keep remembering how I met my ex...it was a complete fluke...I wasn't looking for a relationship...it just happened out of the blue. Link to post Share on other sites
gold26 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 my ex ignoredme for 3 weeks after areally dumb argument.. then i wrote him asking to end the standoff.. that if he wanted us to stay together he needed to tell me.. and if he didnt it was best i knew that also.. he wrote back a vague email saying how he found he could not deal with how angry i could get him or how he reacted to me.. i do have a bad temper but a lot of times its his fault.. he just would never admit to it... he is 26 years older than me... anyhow his reply was basically... all i can say is right now i am at peace and happy and intendto stay that way.. this deal with " inner peace" is a big deal with him for the last year.. he has started a new church .. so, i replied thanksfor letting me know how he felt..if he didnt want to be with me i couldnt help that..i needed to be with someone who does...i called his son and cried my eyes out.. he wrote a patronizing email 3 days after that sayong he wassorry i was hurting and he had not forgot me in his prayers.. i ignored him.. then i went to my yahoo profile and posted a really good pic of myself..i had a sexy dress on and looked good.. he must have seen it three days later because he wrote me saying the engagement was off..i never responded to that... one week later he looged into yahoo messenger for an hour and left... i stayed invisable.. its been almost a month and here is what is happening.. he has a yahoo mail account that he gave me the password to years ago.. he has scanned pages from a book about temper management.. i opened it ans then marked it unread.. it has been there since 2 days after our blow up... he now checks this account daily and deletes the spam so that his scanned page email is always in #1 spot... also he has an advertisement webpage on web.. andforover a year he has had a note on it that says... "my creative ability wouldnot be possable with out the inner peace that i have.. praise God" last week he went into his webpage and deleted that note.... i am not sure but could this be a hint that he doesent have the peace he bragged to me about since the break up? or do you guys think its only a coincidence i have never logged into my messenger since we broke up unless i am invisable.. and only saw him that one time.. but he could also be invisable and justbe watching me too... what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 He could easily be doing the same thing you are doing and checking up on you, does he have any passwords of yours? Even so if you guys really know each other he could easily figure out the password. I think maybe he is confused right now, maybe he is very much into his "inner peace" that after coming out of it he will realize there can be inner peace but its also possible and even better with the one you love. I would stop cheking up his yahoo account, its just confusing you and making you do the worst thing anyone can do after a breakup.....THINKING.......i could easily check my ex's phone records to see who she is calling, her email, all sorts of things but as hard as it is and it is hard because i would love to see who she is talking to and emailing i dont because it will be harder and make me think more than i need to. Let him wonder what is going on with you.....tell him you need to find your inner peace as well, best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
gold26 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 your right woodstock.. i came to the sameconclusion todaythat im not going to check his yahoo.. he gave me the password many years ago.. i didnt break in.thats whyi know he put the email there of the scanned page about anger for me to read... but non the less it only makes me think.. the thing i felt was significant about the inner peace was.. 1 a month ago he was supposed tobe happy and had inner peace.. 2 he knows i would look at his webpage because i helped him create it.. and when i saw that just a few days ago he had removed the note he has had up telling the world that "his creative ability would not be possable with the inner peace" i felt it was a subtle message that he doesent feel as much peace as he once felt.. hehas done this sort ofthing before... i come from a scottish decent family and he went in during a break up and changed a lot of his discriptions to words like "wee" instead of little etc... after we made up hetoldme he had done that for me... i just wanted someone else'e opinion.... i know he loves me and i know that i do sometimes have problems with my temper.. but it isnt an every day thing.. and we have so many wonderful loving memories... maybe im just grasping at straws... you guys are the best. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Being single isn't so bad....although I haven't managed to avoid alot of the heartache that comes with relationships, due to my own fault and of course, the pigscum I was 'involved' with (pigscum=new fav word of the day) Meeting new people is always fun. Single people do have more fun...it's true. You can be alone without being lonely. It's nice to have someone you can snuggle with on the couch and watch movies, true, but my opinion of men right now is low enough the cat would be a better fill in I've been "single" for almost 2 years, or a little over-can't remember-was moping over not having that "special someone" to live with-until I had a houseguest stay TEN BLOODY DAYS in my house, stinking up my bathroom, following me around and generally overstaying his welcome and being irritating. Get. Out. Of. My. House. I now think being single ain't so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Speak for yourself, while some do feel being single is "fun" why do most single people go out? To meet that somone they can have and share time with. That is what everyone wants out of life besides other things, when it comes down to it no one wants to be alone and while your housguest may be bothering you, it would not bother you if it was someone you loved, cared for and wanted there. Lets be real people, being single is nice for a minute, and i stress its nice for a minute but after that, your out for the hunt again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I am speaking for myself, silly. You're obviously miserable-when was the last time you went out and had some single style fun? I like to go out to socialize. I do NOT go to bars with the intention of meeting my future husband. Nobody wants to be lonely-but there are people that enjoy being alone. Difference. You should try to get out more, be active-try to be less unhappy with your situation. Nothing is a bigger turn off than desparation-I am really enjoying this time in my life-singlehood-to discover who I really am. It's important to have a strong sense of self so you don't lose your independance in a relationship-that way, if it ends, you're not really worse off. Do I wish sometimes for a special someone to share things with? Sure. Who doesn't. Being single isn't the end of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 OH hey, i did not mean it as a personal attack to you, i was just saying my opinion that is all. I agree with you, yes there are some people who do enjoy being alone, i have already done that for a while longer than 2 years, i also do go out and have fun. I am in college and in a fraternity so things are always going on i can be involved in, my point was just to say sometimes when people like myself have had that point of solitude, you dont want that anymore because you have already had it. I am not looking for Mrs. Right at a bar, club or even parties because generally one cant find that there, i was just saying when most people go out that are single they do tend to look for a possible match. I had a recent breakup about 3 weeks ago, and i am not looking to jump into anything, sure i am sad and hurt and sometimes depressed but that does not mean my life is on hold. I go out and have fun and enjoy the single life but i also know i enjoy the relationship life more and that is just me, i know who i am, i am a strong person, very giving and know what i want out of life. I had the time to figure out who i am already. I have a lot to offer and if my ex thinks the grass is greener on the other side then go by all means, maybe she does not think i have much to offer but soon she will see and whoever may be my next may appreciate all i have more than my ex ever did. Desperate and miserable i am not, and all though i am in a fraternity i also dont drink or smoke so the BAR does not apply to me, like i said i was not trying to attack you but your response took me by surprise but its all good, no biggie. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 No worries-I didn't view it as an attack :-) You do seem to be really down. I myself was VERY depressed not too long ago, and still flip flop. I always try to maintain positive thinking-I KNOW that sounds like a cliche, and maybe it is, but if you don't think good thoughts no one else is going to think them for you. Are you still in contact with your ex? Because you should cut that off if you are. No sense torturing yourself by prolonging the agony. Really. If someone wishes to end a relationship of any kind, they don't deserve the emotion you are still capable of putting into your interactions with that person. It's also important to keep busy. I am guessing you're still pretty young if you're in college-why would you want to tie yourself down during one of the most social times of anyone's life is a mystery to me. Please repeat. BEING SINGLE DOES NOT SUCK. Because you could be working two jobs supporting two kids at this point. I think everyone (you) should learn to be happy with themselves, then all the other cards will fall into place. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Oh and hey, there are LOTS of later night activities to do that don't involve booze. You should consider stuff like that if you're feeling really lonely at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Oh well fo course i am still a bit down and i flip-flop also, it was only 3 weeks ago i was dumped. College life is fun and its a time nobody wants to be tied down but not everyone is the same, we are all different. Yes i still have contact with my ex, does it come from me...no....she calls or contacts me....sometimes i respond to her calls other times i dont. I was left for another guy that came along and made her think ti would be better to jump ship and it hurt but i also think positive, if she did that, then i dont need to be with someon like her. Who wants to be with someone that does not want them? Nobody, unless you like oplaying with fire. I am young although as i pointed out i have been single and discoverd myself, and i have also been through worse than this. Believe it or not i was at one point engaged, with somone for 3 years, she was 4 years older than me and i thought this was it, but as she told me and i kind of felt, i was going to school she was out of school and our paths were just not right. I was missing out on a lot, i mean i could be married by now, this young and with kids, thank God it did not happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Lots of other stuff that dont involve booze? Hmmmm, well i dont do drugs, i am not into porn, i am not one of those punks running around looking for trouble or to get into trouble.......my thing is writing, reading, and just learning period. May sound dull but trust me i have my fun also, i am just too aware sometimes of who i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 You really should cut her off from contacting you. Really. It will make you feel better eventually, and won't give her the opportunity to use you emotionally. What about theatre? Music? Softball? Squash? Dog walking? Cosmic bowling? Midnight Mass? Start checking things out. Dance lessons. Whatever. I'm only responding because you don't sound very positive....part of being truly adult is being brave enough to try new things, even when you think they're stupid. Which is how I started curling. But that's another story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Its cool, i appreciate your help, and no i am not afraid to try new things. I am a music freak and i also like bowling, my college does do theatre shows, but being summer there are non going on right now. I dont live in a huge city either so there is not much theatre around here. I understand that with contact she could hurt me more, but if you knew the situation you would understand. I am more emotionally stable than her, her father even asked me to please be there for her because lately she has not been talking to anyone, and i told him i would but i would also move on with life and that happiness cant come from me it has to come from her family first. I know she has a new man in her life but yes, sure it hurts and i do wonder why she does not just go to him or why she calls me if things are so great with him but hey i guess i am just to caring of a person. My mom even tells me sometimes i put too much trust in people and i care more than i should but thats me and i am not going to change. As for sounding bummed out, how could you possibly know i feel down and depressed, if i were not talking about it then there would be a problem. I accept my faults too in the relationship, it takes two people to make something go wrong not one, part of being an adult is facing the truth, well hell i face it everyday, i dont hide from it nor do i run.....i know exactly what is going on with my ex even if she does not think i do, but i accept it and look ahead, if i did not then i might as well dig a hole and lay down in it............... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Ok, good to hear you're not stopping exploring your interests. But what are you, a babysitter? If her dad is worried, than he can come take care of her. Hold her hand. You need to look out for number one at this point which is YOU (suprise)stop taking her calls......emails, IM's. She left you, and you need to focus on moving on and finding someone worthy of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 I know i am no babysitter, but i know she truly has no one at home, her family is close but she cant really talk to them, all i do is encourage her to open up to them and let them in, like i told her dad, i can only do so much, it has to come from you not me. I do ignore her calls at times but i am not going to ignore her completly, i can be a friend, no one can decide that but me. I am also realistic and dont really see us getting back together but i can see a long friendship and i am ok with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Well, than you're better at breakups than I am. One of the good things about no contact I have found is that it gives you closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author woodstok Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 closure is good in many breakups but sometimes and i feel this in mine, closure does not need to happen in order to move on. i understand closure because it stops anymore writing in your own biography of life of a certrain person, i have done it before but as for this chapter of my biography i know the chapter is over but the story goes on it just happens to go on with a familiar character til the end. I know i can move on without closure from my ex because i dont need it to move on, see what i am saying.... Link to post Share on other sites
gold26 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Hey Woodstock, just checking in on you... hope you had a good day today... i have stayed busy.. and stayed of pc a lot more.. im interactiing with my family and blocking as much negative from my mind as i can.. im taking more time for me now anyways.. just wanted to say hi Link to post Share on other sites
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