Want to Rekindle Friendship/relationship

[JT12]

Okay So I posted a thread here back on April 7th entitled "GF Broke up with me" on page 150 of this section. I cited the reasons of a new break up with my then GF. We had broken up over the phone like 2 days before and I got several responses along the lines of go NC and go out clubbing.

 

So its been several months since April. Its late august and almost September. I still have flashes of feelings for this girl. I have even gotten laid several times, had a fling that lasted like a whole month and went to many a party and drank into the wee hours with friends at massive parties, gotten a better job, better grades in college, the whole deal. Friends, more money, random hook ups(a couple of them way hotter than her), deans list in college. Gotten new hobbies, I mean I am in like physically perfect shape now. Though for some reason I still have flashes for my ex flame who albeit has lived her life and went to several concerts/trips I was suppose to go on with her and lived her life. I know nothing of how she has been, or what she is currently up to.

 

We had a place together and planned to "be together forever" kinda thing and abruptly it had ended. Totally out of the blue. I went to college and kissed her goodbye, she went to work( had school during days) and we kissed goodbye. We had a few arguments that were serious that week but I still felt in love and felt she was to.

 

She had called me and broken up with me and I tried to do things in spite to her. Like threaten to put her stuff outside. Told her I hooked up with a girl on one of her personal furniture pieces IE her bed. But I had felt betrayed and angry. Through this whole ordeal we were still hooking up and occasionally had little dating flashes(Like a whole weekend we were all lovey dovy oh we aren't broken up) but they never came about. Then one day after sex and arguing she said which was a little over a month after the intial "phone call".She said I can no longer see you again; sorry to lead you on and I apologized for my horrendous behavior. We "cried" naked and I never saw her again. Except like one time in traffic and we didn't wave or anything and another time I was at mcdonalds and she was in the drive through and we saw each other and didn't wave or anything again.

 

Though my question is. Why after a spring and summer of flings and hook ups with women, and general improvement in life; why do I still miss this girl?

 

We only dated for like 7 months also.

 

I mean idk if I would actually want her back. I've sent her some kinda rude drunk texts and I know she went on this trip with her sister and some guys idk if they hooked up but i would care and not care . They posted late night drinking photos on FB. Idk Think I should just keep on keep on or try to rekindle it? Like back in june I called her one friday and talked to her for like five minutes about "how have you been?" blah blah blah. Wanna meet up for coffee? To which she replied no we are broken up. I hope your doing well. Your plans for the summer sound fun. Cause we talked a little about our plans for the summer. Then we said good bye and hung up. I haven't called or talked to her since that day. I just want to know. I mean there are days where I'll have sex with my fling and still think about her after the girl left or while she was there. Its weird but I fell like well if I have more sex "Ill show her" or I'll get over this through this.

 

I feel like that doesn't work.

 

Any advice?

Edited August 23, 2013 by JT12

[Grumpylilmoose]

I know how you feel brother!

 

In your post, I see a lot of "I did this, and that to fill up my time" and while that has always helped me out, I also made sure to have me time to really reflect and come to terms with everything.

 

It won't help 100% but it does help, some.

[JT12]

I feel like I've done that. Like there are times where I'm totally content and even at times happy for her and think her decision was even right. I'm sitting here feeling like I gained accomplishments I would have never gained if I was still with her right now. I mean theres no what if machine so who knows. Though its just those flashes of "Man I want her back". Though what do you mean by reflect more?

[Grumpylilmoose]

I feel like I've done that. Like there are times where I'm totally content and even at times happy for her and think her decision was even right. I'm sitting here feeling like I gained accomplishments I would have never gained if I was still with her right now. I mean theres no what if machine so who knows. Though its just those flashes of "Man I want her back". Though what do you mean by reflect more?

 

For instance, the second to last break up, I got drunk banged chicks, partied but also set up quiet time, no distractions to think about the good times, as well as the bad and actually allow myself to grieve the loss.

 

Ugh.. It's 5:00 AM so I hope this makes sense, if not I'll fix it after sleep.

[JT12]

Every time I do that it's like I get all pissy and act like a little girl. I think the thing might be I don't miss the sex or even miss her. I feel like I'm missing that feeling when your standing under the stars and you two feel like your the only two in the whole world. She was the first girl I gave my "heart" like one day it was just sex like most girls and then boom it was I love you. Idk maybe ill try meditation and figure this out.

[flitzanu]

no, you should not try to contact your ex, she made it clear that you're broken up last time you spoke. if she wanted to rekindle, she'd reach out and tell you.

[JT12]

Yeah your both totally right. Maybe in like five years ill see her in a bar or something and well have emotional neutral sex or well see each in Italy somewhere and well head nod each from afar with our families.