heartbroken1357 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 So last year I came out of a long term relationship, and wasn't looking for anything, i hadn't had sexual or any contact with anyone for that matter. 4 months later, I'm instantly attracted to this girl in a bar, and we hit it off, it just falls into place, no awkwardness it just clicks, we both had baggage, so we took it slow for 3-4 months and then agreed to make it official. this only being my second long term relationship, it just didn't feel the same, I don't love my ex, infact I despise her, but i just think she hurt me so much I changed? Now this current girl I was with we were up and down, and disagreed a bit, and out of the blue she wants a break, it was almost forced upon me, she'd started going out a lot more, and I was off work ill, so I couldn't take her out or treat her to anything, to me that shouldn't matter. She said she wanted space and a break, I called her on it saying it's just an excuse for her to sleep with someone else, and that this has happened to me before, so it's either all in or nothing, I don't want a break. After 4 days we get back together, and she said she made a mistake in thinking i wasn't what she wanted, and everything was back to normal now 4 weeks later lastnight I was over a mutual group of friends, and one of them commented after she had left, "you and **** are so good together, you're very laid back aswell after what happend" I dug a little deeper and got told she had slept with a guy who was in the friendship group, I didn't sleep that night, and went round the next morning. She denied, denied and denied it, and i wanted to believe her, but half a dozen people had told me otherwise, and assumed I already knew. after 2 hours she finally admitted too it, I felt, hurt, and a bit upset, and angry but it wasn't overwhelming, is there something wrong with me?? I have stronger feelings for this girl then my first love, and the sex life, and general relationship is so much better. she feels she has done nothing wrong, and said she felt so guilty after and she didn't enjoy it at all, she doesn't talk to him anymore and he wasn't worth it, that she was confused at the time and would do anything to change back time. Now I said to myself I cant trust her, and that behavior is no excuse, she couldn't keep her legs closed for less then a week, and I didn't want the break and she knew that, and she is a compulsive liar. I still have feelings for her, but that's not gonna go away, I told her we can't have a relationship as I'll always remember this for years, and that i can't trust her so it's not worth it! I've stayed civil and even went to see her last night, she doesn't care what we have, but she says she wants to be friends at least and doesn't want me to walk out of her life completely... What is it with Women these days? us men get so much crap for playing girls, yet this is the 4th time I've been on the receiving end now.. is there something I'm doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Well you two were apart, so she really did no wrong by sleeping with someone else. If she lied to you about it later, that was wrong of her. But you knew what she was doing, and she did it. You need to either decide if you can live with knowing that she took a 4 day break and slept with someone else (and possibly may take another "break" in the future to do the same), or if those thoughts are going to be too much to get past. Yes, you are doing something wrong. You need to adjust your people picker some as you continue to draw in women who aren't willing to commit to the same level that you are. Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyjuan Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Mate, SOME men and women are just as bad as each other. Not everyone is like it, your just unlucky. If you can't let it go or trust her, let her go! I think you will be better off without all the drama Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken1357 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Well you two were apart, so she really did no wrong by sleeping with someone else. If she lied to you about it later, that was wrong of her. But you knew what she was doing, and she did it. You need to either decide if you can live with knowing that she took a 4 day break and slept with someone else (and possibly may take another "break" in the future to do the same), or if those thoughts are going to be too much to get past. Yes, you are doing something wrong. You need to adjust your people picker some as you continue to draw in women who aren't willing to commit to the same level that you are. did nothing wrong even if I didn't agree to the break? I don't agree with that, but ofc everyone thinks differently, yeah thats my concern. and it's not just that, I don't like the way she acts around other guys, and her friendship group are immature and sluts, I think shes easily led and influenced and thinking shes missing out as all her mates are single, or just sleep around Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken1357 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Mate, SOME men and women are just as bad as each other. Not everyone is like it, your just unlucky. If you can't let it go or trust her, let her go! I think you will be better off without all the drama Thanks, yeah im honestly thinking that, it's a piece of self pride too, as i feel like a mug if I was to take her back, and at the same time I feel later i may regret throwing it all away. FML Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 did nothing wrong even if I didn't agree to the break? I don't agree with that, but ofc everyone thinks differently, yeah thats my concern. If she told you that you two weren't together anymore; you don't need to agree. If she would have never ended the break would you two still be together? and it's not just that, I don't like the way she acts around other guys, and her friendship group are immature and sluts, I think shes easily led and influenced and thinking shes missing out as all her mates are single, or just sleep around If you feel so strongly about her immaturity then why be with her? Seems like you two are at different places in your lives. You need to find someone who is looking for the same thing as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken1357 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 If she told you that you two weren't together anymore; you don't need to agree. If she would have never ended the break would you two still be together? If you feel so strongly about her immaturity then why be with her? Seems like you two are at different places in your lives. You need to find someone who is looking for the same thing as you are. Yeah, that's niggling my mind, that's sure as hell hard to find, but im going to try Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 See how that works? You were not together. Why do people believe these "break", "need space" stories? 9.9/10 times, they just want to sleep with someone else and keep you on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 she feels she has done nothing wrong, and said she felt so guilty after and she didn't enjoy it at all, she doesn't talk to him anymore and he wasn't worth it, that she was confused at the time and would do anything to change back time. Well, that's kind of an oxymoron. Here's the deal, she KNEW she was doing something wrong. That's why she felt guilty. She knew she wanted to screw this other guy. But, she need to convince herself that it would be alright by putting you in the "on a break" status. She was setting herself to forgive herself of any wrong doing because "technically" she was single at the time. But, lets get real! She was in someone else's bed LESS than 96 hours after putting you on break! She didn't mourn the loss of you. She didn't mourn the loss of the relationship...nothing. Because she knew she was going out to have some fun; bang this dude, and then come back and tell you "Whew, okay! Breaks over, now we can go back to normal." Don't you LOVE technicalities!! Dude, lose this chick! What happens the next time that she finds someone that she's attracted to? Is she going to put you back on break so she can go screw this guy? Dude, you deserve better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 You need to bail and find a girl that's not going to try to "circumvent" cheating by taking a 4 day break. She had every intention of having sex with that guy before she ever even called the break, and the fact that she wants to get back together now is see and pathetic. Behaving like a total whore, you need something better. Do not take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Echo000 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 this girl represents what i dislike most. she played you, denied it, lied about it, confessed, promised "never again", and now makes you feel so lost and uncertain. Be clear here, be certain. Move on. This girl is a classic girl, not a woman. Did nothing wrong? She slept with a guy so soon after she pushed this break, then wants to come back together with you? What she did wrong was expecting that sleeping with another guy was acceptable if she ever wanted to be with you again. She took a risk, dont reward her with your attention after what she did. Move on, never look back. She will hurt you again and again if you stay around with her. Only thing your doing wrong is choosing the wrong type of women. Try looking at the warning signs early. You say her friends are slutty. That is a warning sign. My ex had trashy friends, and it bothered the hell out of me. I thought she was so different from her friends though, i mean she was my gf she had to be right? Wrong. Just as trashy, just as big of a loser as all her friends. Duh. Your friends are a reflection of who you are. SO, just saying, look for such red flags early and make better decisions based on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Technically she didn't cheat but she probably dumped you to sleep with this guy I would just forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 What she did wrong was expecting that sleeping with another guy was acceptable if she ever wanted to be with you again. Best quote, so far, on this thread. If "taking a break" meant that it was with the full intention of coming back to you. Then, sleeping with other people is not acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken1357 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys, deep down i knew what i had to do,and had pretty much made up my mind, I guess i just needed to share the experience with someone, I'd much rather talk to someone over here with experience then my parents for example, that's just awkward... I've told her I'm never getting back together and she can forget any ideas of reconciliation ever because I simply won't forgive and forget it happend, and that I deserve better, and I'd much rather start something new then stay and fix something that's inevitable broken, and that she should do the same and learn from her mistakes, taken her stuff out of the house, removed her from Facebook etc so she can't snoop at what I'm doing. Her mum is really ill, and her dog recently died, so she's in a rough place atm and asked me to be there as a friend, I told her she doesn't deserve my friendship and that I won't ignore her and she can talk to me but that's it, dont expect me to make any effort contacting or doing anything for you, and that if people ask me what happend I will tell them nothing but the truth. Maybe I'm just too nice that's my problem, i congratulated her on ****ing it up and left.. to my surprise she's in acceptance after spending hours begging for me back Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys, deep down i knew what i had to do,and had pretty much made up my mind, I guess i just needed to share the experience with someone, I'd much rather talk to someone over here with experience then my parents for example, that's just awkward... I've told her I'm never getting back together and she can forget any ideas of reconciliation ever because I simply won't forgive and forget it happend, and that I deserve better, and I'd much rather start something new then stay and fix something that's inevitable broken, and that she should do the same and learn from her mistakes, taken her stuff out of the house, removed her from Facebook etc so she can't snoop at what I'm doing. Her mum is really ill, and her dog recently died, so she's in a rough place atm and asked me to be there as a friend, I told her she doesn't deserve my friendship and that I won't ignore her and she can talk to me but that's it, dont expect me to make any effort contacting or doing anything for you, and that if people ask me what happend I will tell them nothing but the truth. Maybe I'm just too nice that's my problem, i congratulated her on ****ing it up and left.. to my surprise she's in acceptance after spending hours begging for me back Of course she's in acceptance. She's been in acceptance since she too that break and slept with someone else. She has someone else to latch on to and push any guilty feelings to the back. I would have nothing to do with her, don't be nice or her friend, she won't learn anything. Let her fall. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 after 2 hours she finally admitted too it, I felt, hurt, and a bit upset, and angry but it wasn't overwhelming, is there something wrong with me?? I have stronger feelings for this girl then my first love, and the sex life, and general relationship is so much better. she feels she has done nothing wrong, and said she felt so guilty after and she didn't enjoy it at all, she doesn't talk to him anymore and he wasn't worth it, that she was confused at the time and would do anything to change back time. I hope you realise how full of bull**** this is. If she felt she did nothing wrong, why hide it, why deny it for 2hs ? If she felt she did nothing wrong, why the guilt ? If there was guilt, why was she not showing guilt, why did you have to hear from others ? Now I said to myself I cant trust her, and that behavior is no excuse, she couldn't keep her legs closed for less then a week, and I didn't want the break and she knew that, and she is a compulsive liar. I still have feelings for her, but that's not gonna go away, I told her we can't have a relationship as I'll always remember this for years, and that i can't trust her so it's not worth it! At least you are not one of those idiots that would try to 'fix' her. I've stayed civil and even went to see her last night, she doesn't care what we have, but she says she wants to be friends at least and doesn't want me to walk out of her life completely... If you remain friends with her : - she feels less guilt overall - she has you on the backburner See what i'm getting at ? Selfishness, when you take into account what happened before. What is it with Women these days? us men get so much crap for playing girls, yet this is the 4th time I've been on the receiving end now.. is there something I'm doing wrong? You are picking up women in bars. Look for a lady, a feminine woman, not something that feels she is entitled to do whatever she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
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