Is this a breadcrumb?

[SmithJ]

So I was in the process of getting over my ex and ignoring his messages just generally asking how I was etc. a few days ago I got this message "sorry if this is inappropriate but I love and miss you so much. I can't imagine being with anyone else and I've been thinking about this a lot recently but I've been too scared to tell you. Can we please meet up and talk things through and see how we both feel? I'll drive all the way to you and even come after work if that's what you want or on a weekend, are you free tomorrow? Obviously we both have to want this'

 

I replied that I wasn't free the next day (Saturday) and I wasn't sure about meeting up. I asked him to text me again in a few days when I have thought about it properly as I'm still hurt by him leaving and he said he would.

 

 

Is this breadcrumbs? I asked him to leave it for a few days so I'd know whether or not he meant it and it wasnt said on a whim. I'm just trying not to get my hopes up. Any advice would be good

[JDPT]

He is just going through the bargaining stage. As I kept reading the text you posted of him, I was waiting for him to say something to the effect of "I will do anything, anything for you whatever it takes I promise!!!!" He is anxious, desperate and lonely and is simply having a weak moment hence the adamant text asking to meet you. I don't think either of you are ready to talk, allow the dust to settle first, analyze the relationship and ask yourself if this is what you really need in life. Look at it from a very objective perspective and don't sugarcoat the bad.

[Jenny1234]

How long since the breakup?

[SmithJ]

Yeah I thought he might be having a weak moment (the first) that's why I asked him to give me a few days so I know he definitely isn't but it could just be that it is. I do want to see him but he's really hurt me and I wasn't expecting that message at all, in my head it was completely over so that text confused me but I'm protecting myself and won't trust his words to let him hurt me again.

 

 

 

It has been almost 2 months since the break up with very little contact. It increased lately from his side but I just ignored it so maybe he panicked, I just don't know.

[xanitus]

If you think rationally there is a future, if he didn't do something horrible in the relationship, if you really think he wont break up with you again (most likely would) then you can consider hearing him out. This is not really a breadcrumb more of a "I'm lonely I want you back". It just depends on whether it was a great relationship and the reason for it ending.

[JDPT]

Its survival now and like you said, it's time to protect yourself. Soon after the relationship we make irrational decisions, such as attempting to win our ex back. We are blinded by emotions not allowing us to rationalize the current situation. Go through the motions, picture yourself actually meeting with him, what will you like to accomplish and what do you think will actually occur? I think you will later commit yourself to understand if this is what you do or don't want in a relationship.

[BC1980]

I don't think that's completely a breadcrumb. To me, a breadcrumb is one of those texts saying, "hi, how was your day, just checking up. . . . blah, blah, blah." A text not really saying anything useful.

 

True, he didn't beg for you back, but he might not want to say all he has to say over text, which is understandable. If it's that important that he wants to see you, you could give it a shot and meet up.

 

Of course, as others have said, it's really up to you if you want to put your heart out there. No one can tell you if it will work out or not. If he wants to get back together, I would say let him in slowly to protect yourself. He needs to prove himself at this point, and you can be the one in control of the pace. It's all about what you deem to be worthy of taking a chance on.

[fujidabruin]

I don't think that's completely a breadcrumb. To me, a breadcrumb is one of those texts saying, "hi, how was your day, just checking up. . . . blah, blah, blah." A text not really saying anything useful.

 

True, he didn't beg for you back, but he might not want to say all he has to say over text, which is understandable. If it's that important that he wants to see you, you could give it a shot and meet up.

 

Of course, as others have said, it's really up to you if you want to put your heart out there. No one can tell you if it will work out or not. If he wants to get back together, I would say let him in slowly to protect yourself. He needs to prove himself at this point, and you can be the one in control of the pace. It's all about what you deem to be worthy of taking a chance on.

 

Yes, I like the take control part. You could even tell him that you would meet him one time before you go full NC again. So he better bring all his "chips" to the table and know what he wants. Once the meeting is over you can go your own way, step back, and look at things with less emotional attachment and see if you really want things to work out or you just need to fully detach from the relationship.

[SmithJ]

Thanks for all your advice people! Really appreciate it! Although nothing terrible happened with us, no cheating I don't think I will go ahead and meet him.

 

I've come through so much, I was literally in pieces when he left, I cried none stop for 2 weeks and I've pulled myself back and I'm starting to love myself on my own. Although I still think of him every day it isn't as painful and I'm really proud of myself for where I am now. I think I'd be doing myself an injustice to meet with him and allow him the opportunity to hurt me again.

 

 

I'm not looking for anyone else and I don't even want any male attention but when I do meet someone I know it will be someone that deserves me and loves me for me. My confidence was crushed so much during my relationship and I'm just starting to get it back, I've lost weight and changed my hair and feel better than ever.

 

 

In some ways this is making me sad to see him act quite desperatly when 4 weeks ago I would love it. I just hope he learns from this for any future relationships as I've learnt a lot from being dumped, mainly that I am worth something and I can be happy on my own.

 

 

Thanks again guys

[aloneinaz]

Smith,

 

Kudos to you on this decision. Lot's of folks wouldn't have the guts to say "thanks but not thanks" in this situation. You're now back in control and are in the power seat. He rejected you, told you he didn't want you in his life anymore. I'm glad you're letting him feel the consequences of his decision.

 

Rarely do reconciliations work. I got back together w/my ex 5 times. After a week or two, all the same issues are there and the break ups start again. Lots of people don't EVER consider getting back w/someone after a break up. I think they are darn smart.

[SmithJ]

Thanks, I've been thinking again.......

 

I do want to meet him but I'm scared of saying 'yes' just incase he doesn't show up or lets me down, is this normal? I know that once we spend time together things will be okay but if I say 'yes' get my hopes up and then he lets me down I don't know what I'll do, it'll be like starting over again. I'm just really afraid.

 

Yesterday morning I got a 'good morning Beautiful, just got to work, our doggy misses you' text.

 

I'm afraid if I agree to meet he will go cold and not show or make a dumb excuse.

 

What does everyone think? Has anyone else had a situation where an ex did this to them and then cancelled etc?

 

Sorry for moaning and being so indecisive!

[Still Searching]

I'll just give you my own opinion based on my own experiences, which are much like Aloneinaz's. My ex came and went numerous times, and usually it was her that wanted to come back and try. Stupidly, I always gave her a chance, but as Alone said, after a few days, routine is again established, and nothing really changed. The same problems existed, and she just kept leaving. My situation finally ended last Thursday, and I've been in NC since. Part of me expects to hear from her, because that's been the pattern, but for once I need to be strong enough to ignore or just shut her down.

 

Be cautious, because people will say anything to get what they want, promising change and extra efforts, but once their comfortable, that effort usually goes away. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

[SmithJ]

Still searching...Thanks for your reply, it was just when I was starting to get over him all this came out. I'd like to think he wouldn't lead me on like that but he did leave me and break my heart so you honestly cant tell can you...You think you know someone and you don't.

 

Sorry you're going through this

[Frank13]

Tell him you are not sure you want to meet him.

 

Tell him to give you a time and place and that you may or may not show up. That way you are leaving doubt in his mind that he has got you on a string. If you just agree, he may do as you say and think he still has you on a string and not show up.

 

Then come late. If you don't see his car (if he drives) you just go home and you can text and tell him you decided not to go.

[Tinkerbelll]

This is my experience. My ex asked me to meet. He found out after more or less two months of complete NC that he missed me and he had feelings for me.

I though about that couple of days and said him: "I am not willing to see what happens between us, to try to work it out etc..You left me without even saying goodbye, you just disappeared one day leaving me when I most needed you. Our relationship was nice from the outside, but inside there was nothing. I would only consider a commitment at this stage, so that I will not be wondering when you will leave again."Well, he was not ready, he said, and you know what?

am ok with that, I would have just wasted time. I was really tempted to meet him, I still miss him but I committed to strictly follow Caliguy NC guide, aware that if he really wanted me back we would have done everything it would take.