Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 What do you think is better? Knowing what your dumper is up to and knowing how their life is going post-breakup (whether it be better or worse) or not having the slightest clue at all how they are, they could be dead for all you know? I don't mean keeping in touch with them directly - but in this day and age, it is so easy to find out what someone is up to without directly contacting them - facebook, linkedin, google, etc. So would you rather know how your ex is going, postbreakup? Or have absolutely no idea at all how their life turned out or what they were up to after dumping you? I honestly prefer not knowing, since I dont have any mutual friends with my exes when they dumped me it was honestly like they never existed - I never saw them again, never heard from them again, nothing - They could seriously be dead for all I know and I would never hear about it since we dont keep in contact and have no mutual friends to give me the news. I prefer it that way, it makes getting over them marginally easier because there are literally no reminders of them to set you back. What would you prefer? Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Honestly its better not knowing because if you look and you find something like theyre talking to a different guy its just gonna bring you down even more than you were before looking. but at the same time it hurts not knowing i wanna know what shes doing so bad.. and the only reason i want to know is because i wanna know if shes even thinking about me. but i guess the point of a breakup is to get over your ex and not dwell on what she/he is doing so yea its better to keep no contact whatsoever.. in my opinion its hard though i cant help but be curious if she is thinking about me at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think its critical that you flat DISAPPEAR from a dumpers life once the relationship ends. Zero contact is key. Delete them from any possible way of knowing what's going on in your life and what's going on in theirs. When my ex and I split, I blocked her on Facebook as soon as I had my stuff back. I didn't want to see her, know what's going on with her, etc.. Doing NC and dating was key for me to move on. She could be getting pounded every night by strangers and I can care less.. It's been two months now for me since it ended. I'm approaching dating the same girl exclusively now for almost a month. I don't care what the ex is doing. I do hear from a buddy that see's her on two different dating sites. I have to say childishly that I feel good that I've top graded to a better looking, better bodied, better personality and A BETTER HUMAN being while the ex is still looking for my replacement. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Honestly its better not knowing because if you look and you find something like theyre talking to a different guy its just gonna bring you down even more than you were before looking. but at the same time it hurts not knowing i wanna know what shes doing so bad.. and the only reason i want to know is because i wanna know if shes even thinking about me. but i guess the point of a breakup is to get over your ex and not dwell on what she/he is doing so yea its better to keep no contact whatsoever.. in my opinion its hard though i cant help but be curious if she is thinking about me at all. Of course they are thinking about you, you cant be in any kind of relationship with someone, break up, and then they never think of you again, the human mind does not work that way. But just because they are thinking of you.... it does not mean they are thinking NICE thoughts about you, maybe the exact opposite. and you never ever know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think it's "normal" after a BU to wondering what the ex is thinking feeling too. But overtime you just move on and don't care.. I honestly don't care what my ex is thinking or doing. I won't say I hate her though, but I don't care for her either. Most likely because I know at 1 point in time she DID love me, and at the same time she hurt me too. So it kinda evens it out and it doesn't bother me. TO be honest me and my ex would've never made a good couple. We just liked each others company... I think there are different people for us and I know I have yet to find my other half. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Of course they are thinking about you, you cant be in any kind of relationship with someone, break up, and then they never think of you again, the human mind does not work that way. But just because they are thinking of you.... it does not mean they are thinking NICE thoughts about you, maybe the exact opposite. and you never ever know. yea i know but the though will always be in my mind no matter how much i try to get it out i just hope i have the strength to stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
onearthur Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Hey, It's incredibly tough to remain in NC, but you have to stay strong as over time your mind will get trained and also think less and less of her and more about you. Staying in contact has sometimes will hurt you mentally as it will change your moods. Days turn into weeks, months and that's when things get easier... What your going through is very painful, acknowledge that too! Good Luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 As long as she's with another guy, I don't give a rat's ass what she's up to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 When I'm caught up in myself, couldn't care less. When I'm down I do wonder. Felt tired and emotional yesterday. She's been on holiday, was tempted to look at her fb but didn't. I'd rather not know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Of course they are thinking about you, you cant be in any kind of relationship with someone, break up, and then they never think of you again, the human mind does not work that way. But just because they are thinking of you.... it does not mean they are thinking NICE thoughts about you, maybe the exact opposite. and you never ever know. What they're thinking is irrelevant. If they want to communicate those 'nice thoughts' to you, they will; but they'll be 'breadcrumbs'. You need to reach a stage of Indifference, before you begin to wonder. Then, really it's no great shakes either way, because you won't really care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
supaflyz Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 It's best to stay away from your ex for awhile. (Phone, social media, texts, email....etc) It will only set you back even more. I made the stupid mistake of unblocking my ex the first month. I stuck with it now though. I'm sure they do think of you. The brain doesn't have an option to automatically shut off all those memories. The other poster is right. They might be thinking of you, but probably not for the reasons you want it lol. Some people hold grudges. They keep it to heart what you say or do to them. Forgiving is a big key to moving on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 It's best to stay away from your ex for awhile. (Phone, social media, texts, email....etc) It will only set you back even more. I made the stupid mistake of unblocking my ex the first month. I stuck with it now though. I'm sure they do think of you. The brain doesn't have an option to automatically shut off all those memories. The other poster is right. They might be thinking of you, but probably not for the reasons you want it lol. Some people hold grudges. They keep it to heart what you say or do to them. Forgiving is a big key to moving on. In some ways it is easier just to pretend they were dead. Getting dumped by my ex hurt me a lot, in more ways than one. Literally EVERY DAY she used to ring me and we would have an hour to three hour chat over the phone, just talking about our days, whining about work, it was fun. Se also texted me ALL THE TIME and it was nice cos if I was feeling sad a text from her would cheer me up. Getting dumped is a big readjustment cos all those thins you used to rely on are now gone from your life and you have no choice but to get used to it. That's why it is easier not to know what they are up to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emma1234 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 At the beginning all I could do was check what he was up to, i would analyse everything I saw but I eventually realised it was hurting, and if it hurts when I do that then why do it? I haven't blocked him on Facebook but I've hidden his posts and I enjoy the feeling of control by not even wanting to go on his page, it helps to mark each day off that you have absolutely no contact with your ex. My only set back (if it can be called that) was discovering he had just got Instagram by seeing it on another of my friends followers. This confused me and I had a lapse of control and looked :/ it surprisingly made me feel better. I was able to remember the impression I had from him towards the end of our relationship: selfish, cocky and arrogant. Although I'm sure his lovely traits are still there somewhere, it doesn't matter to me because he chose to hurt me for his own selfish gain. It also made me laugh a little as he has followed all of my friends and my sister despite him wanting to remain friends with me! I was even able to not over analyse this and simply make my own Instagram private and vow to never look on his. I'm finally seeing him knocked of his pedestal and although I still feel a little bit lost sometimes, seeing him in his true light feels so good!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think grieving the end of a relationship can be harder than grieving a death. At least death has a finality to it. Despite the ending of a relationship, sometimes they can trick you into feeling... unfinished. It's a mind-trick, but it happens, as can be seen by the many stories on here... the end of a relationship can be hard to accept. Exactly right!! No disrespect intended to anyone who has lost a loved one, but with a death it is 200% final, you KNOW they aren't coming back. With a really bad breakup you experience all the same emotions as well as other ones, the nagging doubt amd denial about them coming back, getting a breadcrumb, what to say and do if you bump into them, and even when you finally feel you are 'over' her the slightest thing can set you right back, such as seeing her in the street (coindentally) walking hand in hand with her new bf, and simply seeing that brings back a wave of emotions you thought o had moved away from. It hurts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Exactly right!! No disrespect intended to anyone who has lost a loved one, but with a death it is 200% final, you KNOW they aren't coming back. With a really bad breakup you experience all the same emotions as well as other ones, the nagging doubt amd denial about them coming back, getting a breadcrumb, what to say and do if you bump into them, and even when you finally feel you are 'over' her the slightest thing can set you right back, such as seeing her in the street (coindentally) walking hand in hand with her new bf, and simply seeing that brings back a wave of emotions you thought o had moved away from. It hurts It hurts less and less as each day passes that you have NC. You'll reach a point of you just don't care what they do. The other to help you if you can is to go out with new girls. It will get your mind of a dead relationship, boost your self esteem and let you know there are plenty of women who'll enjoy you and your company. I had my first date 3 weeks after the FINAL end of my relationship. I was really worried about running into my ex while I met the new girls on first dates. She frequented the same places as I. Now, two months later, I could care less. I actually went to a bar with my new GF that she frequents last Thursday night cause the new GF likes it as well. That told me I've reached indifference with her and am HAPPIER now that she's NOT in my life. I couldn't imagine sitting at home for the last 2 months and not dating. I'd of been a mess and healing would have taken longer.. Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 No question whatsoever, for me! Link to post Share on other sites
lukekarts Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I think I would rather not know, but in that I'm pretty much screwed. Because we were together for 10 years (from 18-29) pretty much our young adulthood social lives have built up around one another. What this means is that - if you take Facebook as a reference point - we have 30+ 'mutual friends'. Most have taken my side, and are not talking to her, but that part of the process is still challenging. Furthermore, where we live, I cannot help but take the bus straight past her home and place of work on my daily commute. Again this is ridiculously hard. I'm only one month in but I can't avoid knowing bits of whats going on. At least now I know she has gone to Australia travelling so I can't bump into her for a whille. Link to post Share on other sites
dan_the_man Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I'd prefer not to know what they're up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Angry bird Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 It's better they not exist...and u not exist. My ex is an Internet fanatic, I'm off Facebook and never post in twitter. I never want him to know a thing about me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts