RipTide Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 hello about 2 months ago my boyfriend of 7 months and I, broke up. We met at a friends wedding and my sister and his best friend were going out(they still are). We danced twice with each other that night and we both just could not keep our eyes off each other. Ben(my ex's name) isnt drop dead gorgeous or anything but there is just something about him..his personality, his humor, his confidence.. i just was atomatically attracted to him. A week later we both were at a friends house with a group of people and after everyone left it was just me, him, my sister and her boyfriend. For a while Ben and I were alone in the living room and he asked me if we wanted to go in a different room..i was hesitant but i said sure. we went in a bed room and just layed by each other for awhile talking. After much antisipation, he kissed me. We kissed for about 5 min. until I had to leave and later on that week he called me several times. A week later we were at a movie theater and in the parking lot he asked me out. I said yes. We saw each other on the weekends because we live about 40 min. apart. We called each other every night and things couldnt have been better. Only 2 months into the relationship I left for vacation and i came back and to my surprise my dream guitar that I had resintly told him about was hanging on my wall along with an "I missed you" poem. (Ben isn't wealthy or anything but there was a time when he did work his butt off) In December a bunch of our friends and us all went on a snowboarding trip and had a blast, about a week later Ben left for Europe for snowboarding and came home 2 and a half weeks later. After his trip it seemed we had drifted apart and things weren't the same. He just seemed distant, the phone calls seemed shorter and everything. Im not the kind of person that likes to really get into her feelings but I asked him a few times what was the matter. In Ben's past there had been alot of drinking, getting into trouble with his parents, and smoking cigarettes. When we first started to go out he had stopped all of that but ever sense Europe he had been drinking..i dont mean just a little bit, he would get drunk about every other night and he started to get into trouble again. I tried to tell him to stop and he knew i hated when he got drunk all the time. I never told him this but he's the only guy that has ever made me cry besides my father. I wasnt sure if i loved him like i once did and things were NOT good. sometimes he would totally ignore me when we went to friend's parties and when i told him what he did he would deny it. One week Ben didnt call me for that entire week and that's the week when i thought things out carefully. I still didnt no what to do, and i guess i wanted him to make a desision. He called me on the Sunday and appoligised for not calling. I told him to cut to the chase and asked him what was really on his mind. he told me ok..I don't realy know how to say this but i think we should just be friends. and i replied..Ok, yeah i thought that was what you were going to say..to tell you the truth im glad, you havent been yourself lately and it seems like we were just make out buddies. We both laughed for awhile and after talking for a few minutes i got him to tell me why he wanted to break up. He said that he really is too young for a serious relationship and with us there is really no way to go..we can't get married or ne thing because we are too young (him being 17, me being 16). We are both pretty spiritual people so we dont believe in pre-marital sex either. OK anyways..so he continues to say that he doesnt want to drag me down with him because he is getting into some trouble with his parents and things also. The converstation ended on a very upbeat note, and i really felt glad it was over, and i guess it didnt really sink in that after 7 months we were just over. Well its been 2 months and we still hang out with the same friends and have good times. (there has been alittle awkwardness but not much) Some of his good friends have been flirting with me and i just resently have found out that a couple are interested. I dont think i could go for them because i still have feelings for Ben. I have been very careful as to be non-obsessive because his gf before me was a total nut case. (its wierd tho because i just heard that Ben and her just made out last week)that made me laugh...But yeah, He has been making passes at some of my best friends which i think is totally uncalled for. Just last saturday tho my friend katie and ben and i were talking and he asked about a friend of his calling me and i said yeah..like it was nothing and i think i senced a little jealousy in his voice. well the thing is ..after all that time with him i still like him even tho he's done some stupid things in the past. i dont think he is drinking heavily anymore like he was for awhile and I think that soon he will be fine for the commitment of dating agian. but i need some help..How do I make Ben really relize that Im the one that really cares about him and that wants the relationship like it was? Or should i even try to get him back? im so confused..please help me..anyone. Maybe even alittle bit of how to get a guy really jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Hon, you need to move on. He's not interested in a relationship with you. i dont think he is drinking heavily anymore like he was for awhile and I think that soon he will be fine for the commitment of dating agian. but i need some help.. He explained to you very clearly that he just wanted to be friends. What part of that aren't you getting? How do I make Ben really relize that Im the one that really cares about him and that wants the relationship like it was? You can't. This is something that he has to realize for himself. And sorry, but just because you have very strong feelings for him does not mean that he feels the same way about you. Or should i even try to get him back? I don't think there's much hope. He's making out with other girls, making passes at your friends, and knows that his friends are hitting on you and is doing nothing to stop them. This is not the way a guy acts when he is really interested in a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RipTide Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Hey, thanks for the feedback, im not one to be a push over and this guy shouldn't be effecting my life like he has been, im going to move on. Do you think it would be also way out of line if I were to be interested in one of his friends? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Do you think it would be also way out of line if I were to be interested in one of his friends? I say go for it. He had his chance with you and he blew it. AND he's hitting on your friends, so it doesn't seem like he feels any sort of sacred boundary against doing that kind of thing. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 absolutely, date all his friends, actually at your age you should date everyone! this is the time for you to learn about relationships, the good and the bad. 7 months of dating one guy, its hard to break that emotional attachment. this will take time. besides you already know the best and worst of him, it won't get better. keep busy and look around at some guys that are attractive to you, get to know them Link to post Share on other sites
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