This is so complicated

[Pookie5]

I dont know where to begin and I dont want to make it too long so I will try to make it as short and clear as possible. Can you please share your opinions regarding what this guy is thinking and what I should do and if this has ever happened to anyone:

 

So basically when I was 14, I started to talk to a family friend of ours on man, skype. At that point it was just childish love and nothing more. Eventually I got really attached to him and he was 18, in college. He didnt take me seriously and just had me on the side. (long distance relationship). Eventually when I turned 17, he moved near me and my dad helped him and his family. We both became exclusive. However, both our families were basically fighting due to other people trying to prevent me and this guy from being together. So basically this guy tried to be very sexual with me. I was really pure and nieve and didn't know anyhting, I let him do whatever he wanted and he never used a condom and now that i look back at it, i think he got me pregnant on purpose. Basically he got super possessive and started controlling my phone and all my accounts and deciding who i can and cannot talk to. I had to tell my mom about the baby, we all went and got an abortion because I was so sick, i could have died. I know that baby is in heaven. Eventually he started acting out and saying he's not gonna marry me and what not, we come from very traditional families. So my mom told his mother about what happened between us and his mother started crying and saying i told him not to do this to your daughter. She said we are getting married. After that the guy was fine. He just is literally so possessive that his past gfs all break up with him and he knows that is his weakness. His mother knows that too and she suggested we dont talk till he grows up a little in time for marriage. Im only 18 and hes 24. So i didnt listen and we kept contact. to be honest, the first time we had sex he raped me and the last time we had sex he raped me too. anyawys, i started to cut myself and my dad found out that he was cursing at me so my dad threatened him and said he will never be able to marry me. This was back in october. So basically after that i have never contacted him. I recently unbloked him on skype and found out that he hasn't blocked me. he's online. also, my mom recently got surgery and he forced his mother to call my mother to make sure she's okay. also, we met on a traffic intersection while driving to work and he saw me and made the entire line wait in order to let me go. and he kept on sticking his hand out while smoking so show me that that's him but i was too nervous so i acted like i didnt recognize him. He knows he has an illness but some part of me says that he got me pregnant on purpose to persuade his mom into letting us get married. WHen my dad was yelling at him he was like mr. () You don't know what happened between me and your daughter, if you knew you would let us get marrried. But he was too scared to tell my dad and my dad didn't really pick that up in all his screaming. Also, today i called him from a blocked number twice and he picked up both times but did not say hello he waited for me to speak but i was too scared so for 2 mins there was complete silence and then i hung up. do you think he knows its me, why didn't he speak?

 

I know he is sick but since i have so much faith in him, i can help him, i can take him to a doctor. What's your opinon. do you think he got me pregnant on purpose to get married because he would have sex with me multiple times without a condom and then after pregnancy he made sure i took the pill or he pulled out.He also has some pics of me, he saved.. i dont know why he has them still. That time my dad yelled at him, we met prior to that and we made up and stopped fighting and he said that he is okay with marrying me as long as I don't go crazy in college like he did and he kissed my cheek goodybye we ended on good terms.

 

Please help me, I need some serious help.

[Philosoraptor]

My opinion is that you need to contact the authorities and keep away from this man. He raped you multiple times, is abusive, and is in no way stable.

 

I'd start with counseling for yourself to figure out why you can't keep away from this very toxic person.

 

I am very sorry for your situation and wish you the best in finding the strength to stay away from it.

[Zahara]

No, you can't take him to the doctor. No, you can't fix him. No, you can't make him become what you want him to be.

 

YOU need fixing yourself in that you desire to be with a man that has raped you twice? What does that say about you? Do you actually think love and rape go hand in hand in creating a loving, safe and healthy relationship?

 

Who gives a crap as to his motives for having unprotected sex with you because at the end of the day everything is so wrong with this story. You're just going to end up as broken as he is, but you probably already are.

 

YOU ARE 18 FOR GOD'S SAKE. DON'T ***K UP YOUR LIFE FOR ALL THIS MESS.

[Pookie5]

I understand the automatic response as he raped you is is psycho. But I come from a very traditional muslim family that checks bed sheets on the day of the wedding night to confirm the virginity of the bride. Its sick i know. I get marriage proposals that i cannot accept because of this and I cannot marry out of my religion. I am very stuck. He knows that I cannot marry a decent guy unless I am a virgin in this community.

[daftpunk]

I know he is sick but since i have so much faith in him, i can help him, i can take him to a doctor. What's your opinon.

 

My opinion is that your faith is misplaced; you cannot save someone from themselves.

 

You will never be happy with this man. And he will never be happy with you.

 

I understand the automatic response as he raped you is is psycho. But

 

There is no "but".

[mano]

Oh dear. U are just 18 n got a long way to go. If u r gettin marriage proposals. Do accept if its good enough. I can understand ur problem n situation very well as i myself am from a conservative muslim family. I know u gotta b a virgin n that having sex before marriage is just forbidden n all. But please dont just waste yourself like this. U have dealt with alot of pain at an early age. I would say take some time off. Concentarate on yourself. N in a few years do accept a good porposal. Get yourself mentally prepared for it. N yes u cant really do anything about the guy. He is abusive n very controlling. Move on. Best of luck.

[Zahara]

I understand the automatic response as he raped you is is psycho. But I come from a very traditional muslim family that checks bed sheets on the day of the wedding night to confirm the virginity of the bride. Its sick i know. I get marriage proposals that i cannot accept because of this and I cannot marry out of my religion. I am very stuck. He knows that I cannot marry a decent guy unless I am a virgin in this community.

 

I've lived the culture. It's not an excuse to settle for someone that raped you and for someone that is going to make your life miserable.

 

Besides, why do you predict the future at 18 that no man will want you? That's very shortsighted and foolish.

 

Go to college. Get an education. Find a job and seek a career. Get out of your community. Go out and date men that aren't going to judge you because you didn't have a spot of blood on a white sheet.

 

Or stay with a man that will possibly keep abusing you emotionally. It's your choice to remain in a place that holds you down and limits your chances of ever finding happiness.

[Pookie5]

For those that share the same culture as me, what would you suggest I should do? He has pics of me and his family has said we will get married once he grows up a little. I dont know if i cant trust them or him. SHould i contacct authority, if my dad finds out my parents will get a divorce. Also, should i tell the guy that sends me a marriage proposal eventually this story. because what if this guy tells the guy i will marry about what happened. I also cannot lie to my husband about all this. i mean i had a baby. i am currently focusing in school.. what would you all suggest. has this ever happened to anyone u know..

[Zahara]

He raped you twice. It isn't about growing up at this point. He has psychological issues and those type of issues don't erase overnight or by just "growing up".

 

You can't trust him to do the right thing by you when he can't even do the right thing for himself. His parents have no say in what you decide for yourself so leave them out of it.

 

Stop thinking about marriage proposals and deciding what to do when it happens. You are 18. Marriage proposals should be the last thing on your mind, and you don't even know where the next 5 years is going to take you. Stop trying to predict your future.

 

I suggest you focus 150% on your school. I promise you that when you are done, and when you leave that little community and spread your wings, you will realize that there is far more tolerance, acceptance and open mindedness out there. When that times comes, and you meet a man that loves you unconditionally, he will accept you for who you are and what you've been through.

 

Please, don't waste your life.

[mano]

Exactly. For now u need to just focus on your school. Let time decide. Or leave it your parents. Dont worry about marriage proposals right now. N yes there r people who r quite open minded n will accept u despite knowing your past. Plus it was never ur fault. U were abused by that guy n u were naive. Its just better if u stop worrying abut marriage n all for now. It will be seen with time.

[Pookie5]

thanks guys for helping me out and giving me hope. iA you will be blessed in your endeavors too.

[mano]

IA.

take care n stay strong .

hugs

[Zahara]

IA. Remember there is so much out there waiting for you! Stay strong, Pookie.