Tips about moving on...

[amkxoxo]

This is pretty general but any tips about moving on?? If you read my other threads it explains more about my situation but I'm having a really hard time. I feel depressed all the time like I lost the love of my life. I know at this point I need to move on and my family and friends are encouraging me, but its literally easier said than done. I've lost a good amount of weight dieting and am trying to get a good internship lined up for the fall.

 

But I feel like my depressed obsessive feelings over him overtake a lot of things. I feel very vunerable and like my self esteem has been shaken. Before I met him I had lots of self esteem, was very happy, and was comfortable in my beliefs and morals. I feel like that person is still in me but I need to build myself back up. I'm weak. I feel like I will never be the same person though and this scares me. I was sexually assaulted as a teen and i dealt with it alone internally over the years and have now officially gotten over it.

 

I feel some of my insecurities from this coming back, and trust issues, making me paranoid and insecure. Physically I have gone further with this guy than any other (not sex), and I loved it. I feel like this is hurting me now. Because of my past, getting close to someone was difficult and with this guy it was easy and he helped me overcome so much all while being loving. Emotionally he has gotten further than anyone as well and I can feel the walls starting to build up again. He noticed when we broke it off too because he said it. He told me he doesn't want me to go on feeling bad about myself but thats exactly whats happening.

 

Lastly, one key part as to why I can't get over him is because he told me he still really likes me and thinks we can be together in the future. How can I let go of that??? We continue to talk which I think hurts more than helps because I can't just be his friend, I want to love him and I want love from him.......any advice on how to move on???

Edited July 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Legatus]

I don't want to sound harsh but only when you're dying you can accurately asses who has been the love of your life.

 

You don't know it now!

 

Don't you think that next relationship can be ten times better than that one? I do! We can always do better. Grab a life as totally new experience, even an adventure. It helps as it can change your attitude towards it.

 

Saying "I think we can be together in the future" is such a bs. I've been told something similar "if we are meant to be together in the future, we will be". Honestly? What a load of boll****! You don't say such things. If you want to end it, you do and let other person move on.

 

You can't be hanging on some kind of hope. You should stop contacting him to see if it helps you. If he asks you why then kindly explain (since you're still on a friendly basis) and see what happens..

[Talulah]

NC is best. If you want there to be a future you need to work on yourself. He needs to work on him and then maybe. Try to find a new hobby, exercise always helps.

[amkxoxo]

Thanks...all comments are appreciated. I'm trying to work on myself and I am a big believer that we can always get better. Every so often maybe every couple of years I like re-invent myself. I have lost a lot of weight in the past and gotten a new found confidence. I have done this many times and I look back on them saying Wow I was so much better after and I grew into a better person. I think what's hard about this is I thought I was at a great place when I met him. I was happy and had a lot to offer and I thought I was at the best version of myself. I'm almost sick of having to re-invent myself. I'm too emotionally weak at this point. And I almost can't conceptualize growing any more to be honest. Not that I will ever grow or become more wise in my life but I just feel like right now isn't that time. And usually when I've done this in the past its been like my goal. Bettering myself and growing. I do love him and I do have hope, but I can't jeopardize my health and sanity. This is killing me. My mom is so concerned she thinks I should go talk to someone e professionally. I disagree. No matter what I do or how much I talk about it I need to want to change for myself. And I feel like re hashing out what has already happened will make my heart hurt more. All I keep saying to myself is "you did all you could to make him love you, and you didn't do anything wrong." He even told me I did nothing wrong. I'm just second guessing everything and it eats me alive. I contacted him last so at this poi t I have not made any contact and am not planning on it. If he calls me then fine we'll talk. But you need to be a friend to have a friend and I think this concept hasn't hit him yet. He's gonna regret losing me.

[Archanaart]

Thanks...all comments are appreciated. I'm trying to work on myself and I am a big believer that we can always get better. Every so often maybe every couple of years I like re-invent myself. I have lost a lot of weight in the past and gotten a new found confidence. I have done this many times and I look back on them saying Wow I was so much better after and I grew into a better person. I think what's hard about this is I thought I was at a great place when I met him. I was happy and had a lot to offer and I thought I was at the best version of myself. I'm almost sick of having to re-invent myself. I'm too emotionally weak at this point. And I almost can't conceptualize growing any more to be honest. Not that I will ever grow or become more wise in my life but I just feel like right now isn't that time. And usually when I've done this in the past its been like my goal. Bettering myself and growing. I do love him and I do have hope, but I can't jeopardize my health and sanity. This is killing me. My mom is so concerned she thinks I should go talk to someone e professionally. I disagree. No matter what I do or how much I talk about it I need to want to change for myself. And I feel like re hashing out what has already happened will make my heart hurt more. All I keep saying to myself is "you did all you could to make him love you, and you didn't do anything wrong." He even told me I did nothing wrong. I'm just second guessing everything and it eats me alive. I contacted him last so at this poi t I have not made any contact and am not planning on it. If he calls me then fine we'll talk. But you need to be a friend to have a friend and I think this concept hasn't hit him yet. He's gonna regret losing me.

 

You're re hashing it out on this forum and you shouldn't make someone love you. They should fall in love with you by themselves through their own experience of knowing you.

 

You don't need to re invent yourself. Build upon the person you are right now and were when you were in a good place last.

[Maverick1983]

I'm going to be honest with you and suggest you take the concept of getting back together in the future and put it right at the back of your list of priorities. This is something that can be genuine at times but often said out of sympathy or guilt. The love of ones life should never need a break or make you this upset. You have been through a lot from what I have read and you sound very resilient. Yes there are people in our lives that care for us and love us but there are others that hurt us and sometimes tire of us but that is their problem not ours. We all straight away point the finger at ourselves without really thinking about things and suddenly we become emotional wrecks. Why? because we feel as though we are to blame because we are the ones that are upset. To be honest this pain you feel is you feel now is going to disappear when you get back to being you.The only way to recover from a breakup isn't reinventing yourself its rediscovering yourself and after a relationship we lose bits of ourselves that help define who we are. Don't let your ex take those parts of you save them for someone more deserving because despite how bleak it looks now there is always someone better you haven't met yet.

[amkxoxo]

Thanks for all the encouraging words. I am doing a lot better today. No Tears....yet. Not that I don't think about him. My fix today is on intimacy. With my shady past it took me my college years to build up myself enough to get close to guys, and trust them near me, in my personal space. Before I met him I was at a great place where I was fully better with this. Then he made me feel great. I got close to him and he was so patient and understanding with me about it. He is the only person to get that close to me physically. (No Sex) But I learned to enjoy it and want it. We hit it off so well that way. I opened up so much to it and I felt like I was learning a new side of myself. Now that were over I feel old issues coming back to haunt me. I feel like I won't be able to trust a man again, or fully open up to him. The thought of kissing another man or getting intimately close with one makes me want to cry. It repulses me. I don't what to do. I feel like if a guy even wants to like dance with me or kiss me I won't be able to be comfortable with it. I feel so lost in my life.