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Ex wont talk to me


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brokenheart99

ill keep this relatively short and sad. im so sad, i dont know how people do it. it seems unbearable. mainly because i have no one to talk to any family or friends to turn to. my ex and i are pretty different, religion and culture. we were together 3 yrs, long distance but frequent visits, but we were fantastically compatible. just our differences made it hard. anyways we broke up like 8 months ago, and got back together 3 months ago.

 

i really thought we turned a new leaf this time around, everything was going great. much better relationship, i felt loved, he communicated more, said we could work thru all our differences, it was everything i ever wanted. suddenly, we hit a bump and idk if religion got in the way or what, but we got in a minor spat that turned bad fast. he wanted to do something religiously that kinda meant the end of us for good and i got upset that he didnt even think about me or was just that okay ending it. so i said some mean things, then we both cried cuz it seemed like we were breaking up but didnt want to.

 

and he said he just felt hopeless in the relationship bc all the odds were against us. that he loves me, wants to be with me, will be with me, but that everything seemed so heavy and hopeless with our differences in culture/religion and my family. i understand his concerns but i told him we could still try because i would rather be with him. we left the convo shaky and he just said he will get over it and try on feel hopeful again. the next morn, i had kinda told him about a guy i had dated a few times, that i was going to hang out with him(mainly because i was stupid and scared and wanted to make him feel jealous and scared about losing me and i was bored, i know it was a terrible idea).

 

i felt bad and texted him saying i wouldnt go on that lunch with teh guy because i love him and i will always choose him only. he said 'what changed, i thought u were going as friends only" and i told him initially i was, but i thought we broke up last night so thats why i said what i said. and then i said i love u, and he said i love u back. and i told him that i think when he gets close to his church, he feels distant from me because it highlights how different we are, and then some time passes and he realizes that we can make it work and he misses me. he said idk maybe. and an hr and a half later, he messaged me saying 'i cant do this, us.' and since then he has turned his phone off on me and gone completely no contact on me. wont respond to any texts/emails/calls, nothing.

 

i guess this is his way of saying its over for good and he just wants to move on. because maybe keeping contact will make him feel bad and come back to the relationship. i guess a couple things, i know its selfish of me to ask in some ways, but he has an entire support system of friends/family etc to help him through this. i have no one, i mean that. its easy for people to say go out and do things and meet new people etc, but even then friends get exhausted of listening to you constantly crying and complaining about an ex. so knowing this, he has always been a friend to me thru a break up, just listens or something or is even a jerk, something, but at least i have someone to be there for me.

 

i know its weird, but its how i move on after a break up. i just need cut contact at my own pace and in due time i will. and second, we went thru more than most couples do in 3 yrs, and i have been there emotionally, financially and in every way possible for him. to end it like this without even saying goodbye or giving me a proper conversation, i mean really? could it really be that? im just in disbelief still because its SO unlike him and i just cant believe he would do this to his best friend, gf, and someone who has been there for him SO much when no one else has.

 

is there any hope? will he ever talk to me? i just dont know what to do at this point...other than just wait and try to do all the stupid post break up things that ppl tell u to do that dont really help anyway. im beyond lonely and sad at this point. its not even just the break up, but given all the bad stuff in my life going on, i dont know how much more i can take.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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brokenheart99

i should mention this was like 3 days ago. i texted him and said i would succumb to what he was stressed about. like i would change what needed to be changed for what was breaking us up or making him feel hopeless. i gave in basically, because i love him and want to be with him. please save the negativity about me being desperate or weak, because im not, in the slightest. i just love him and want it to work. so i guess with that, if i am uncomplicating what complicated us and made him end it with me, why is he still ignoring me?

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Seems like too many roadblocks for a normal healthy relationship. Religion, distance blah blah blah. You mentioned you gave in, that is being weak. If you have core beliefs you don't change those unless you want to, for you, not anyone else.

 

I'd move on. He's an ex now.

 

Do what I did when my ex left. Read the stories in the separation forum. It will help minimize your situation so you can move on a bit easier. Is minimizing your situation the answer? No, but it will help you move on.

 

I believe that if you've been married or have kids with someone than you fight for them but ultimately try to move on, otherwise just move on and chalk it up to a relationship that just didnt work. There will be more of those as well.

 

Also you mention you were compatible but the differences made it hard; that's not being compatible. People that are compatible find a way to work through the differences.

 

Good luck

Edited by hinatticus
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