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On Again Off Again... Your Experiences


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swimswithjeans

Hi all,

 

I am interested to know about your experiences with on again/off again relationships.

 

How long were you together and how many times did you break up in the course of your relationship?

 

What made you break up?

 

Did things ever REALLY change when you reconciled?

 

And... How did you KNOW it was over finally? That s/he was never coming back or you were just done with them? OR were you in an on again/off again relationship that had a happy ending?

 

I am hoping to gain some of my own perspective in this.

 

Thanks so much for your responses.

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How long were you together and how many times did you break up in the course of your relationship?

 

Three years. Twice. Both times initiated by him.

 

What made you break up?

 

Both times he said part of it was due to my family's unanimous dislike of him (none of my friends had any issues with him) This most recent split he also citied "bad timing", our current physical distance from each other,....and this time he's also "met someone".

 

In hindsight both of us had a few personal issues that contributed to the eventual disaser, but that's worth another thread altogether. :sick:

 

Did things ever REALLY change when you reconciled?

 

Things were GREAT for a long while, but the underlying issues were never effectively addressed so naturally it didn't work. Had both of us changed...who knows?

 

And... How did you KNOW it was over finally? That s/he was never coming back or you were just done with them? OR were you in an on again/off again relationship that had a happy ending?

 

I don't...but at this point I'm deciding I've had enough & I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again. THAT'S going to have to be my happy ending. :bunny:

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JustAReformedGirl
Hi all,

 

I am interested to know about your experiences with on again/off again relationships.

 

How long were you together and how many times did you break up in the course of your relationship?

 

Eight and a half years. First break-up occurred at just about the 4 year mark. Second break-up occurred nearly at the six year mark. First break-up lasted 2 months, and the second one lasted 4 months.

 

What made you break up?

 

In a nutshell, conflicting emotions, on my part. During the first, we seemed to be drifting apart. The break-up occurred when our daughter was about six or seven months old. There are too many factors to list here, but confused emotions and withdrawing from one another caused the first one.

 

The second had some of those elements, and newer ones; he had enlisted into the military (Canadian), and when he did that, I had reservations. However, once he got the call about when he'd be enrolled, and when he'd begin basic training (they were a month apart, but it took a year after him signing up for those calls to come through), I became more uneasy. I knew it would mean moving away from everyone and everything else that mattered. With our other relationship issues still very present, I opted to break-up. After much turmoil for us both, we got back together. Once he was posted somewhere (after the first two stages of training), I wound up moving back in with him-5 hours from home. We've been here for nearly 2 years, now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did things ever REALLY change when you reconciled?

 

Temporarily. We seemed to return to that lovey-dovey stage that we once had at the very beginning of our relationship. As time has gone on, certain issues-both new and old-are back in action.

 

And... How did you KNOW it was over finally? That s/he was never coming back or

you were just done with them? OR were you in an on again/off again relationship

that had a happy ending?

 

My story hasn't officially reached a conclusion. I'm married to him, and have been for 6 months now, out of our 8 and a half years. However, the marriage was very much ill-timed, and it may result in divorce. It's not that I'm upset with him, or anything. I feel things won't last with us, for a great deal of reasons, that I choose not to post here.

 

I am hoping to gain some of my own perspective in this.

 

Thanks so much for your responses.

 

Each situation is different, but it doesn't hurt to ask. :)

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VictorPanteleev

Hi there,

Well I'm probably not the right person to answer that, because of my lack of experience. I've only got once together with one of my exes and immediately broke up again afterwards.

 

So my opinion is to consider the character of your ex. If you think the reason you broke up is a stupid one or she/he has proven s/he can change then you should definitely give him/her another chance. But if after that she/he screws that relationship again then you should never again go back.

 

And I know it's hard but you too should compromise a lot. If you repeatedly think of her/his screw-up then that relationship would never be.

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Off/on relationship for 1.4 years. I ended it once. We mutually broke up twice and she ended it 3 times. I agreed one final try as long as she got some therapy for her issues from her youth and previous marriage. We even went to couple therapy. The last reconciliation lasted 2 rocky months. It was usually me that tried to save the relationship. She'd always agree but became more and more comfortable showing her true personality which wasn't a good thing.

 

My friends and family really unloaded on me after I got back together with her the last couple of times due to her issues. I'm not perfect but 80% of our issues where on her and she'd own up to it but simply wasn't able to change. I'm approaching 4 wks NC and the biggest thing that I question is why I stayed in that toxic relationship w/that toxic woman as long as I did.

 

I don't know many on/off relationships that ever work. Maybe in Hollywood movies but not in real life.

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