She broke up with me and dated another man a week later...

[Rockaboy]

My ex and I have been dating for about 6 years on and off. The first year of our relationship was awesome, she was 18 and I was 21. I felt she was the one and bought her a promise ring and told her how much I loved her. Then her dark side came out and before I knew it. I could not go out the door with out her stopping me with 20 questions, could not hang out with friends, going through my phone, low self esteem, insecure, possessive, controlling. I told her straight up that this has to stop because it is pushing me away and needs to trust me and told her I love her so much. I told her we need a break otherwise she will push me away. Of course she did not listen so I broke up with her for about a month. She went psycho, calling me, begging, crying, waiting in my car in the hot sun till I got off work, stalking me. She did not listen to my pleas to stop and I didn't know what to do. My friend Ruby was in town and her and I go back and had a thing for each other. That thing was still there.

 

My ex still bothered me until I had enough and Ruby and I took off to California for vacation for a week and to get away from my ex. Well Ruby and I hit it off and we were a couple when I came back. My ex was waiting thinking the break was over and I tried to tell her we are no more. Ruby came back and we went out for about couple of weeks and my ex then used my best friend against me telling him lies about me cheating on her with Ruby even though we have broken up. She kept on and on and finally Ruby could no longer take and ended our relationship. My ex heard about it and though we should try again. I said no and she went off the deep end. I stated getting phone calls from a guy name Eddie and a girl names Kristy. My ex said Eddie is a guy she knew who had a thing for her and told him about out break up and whats to get with her. Who cares?! She then told me he was getting physical because she does not want to be with him. I told her to call the cops. She had me chasing a ghost. Kristy calls me telling me she is my ex cousin and was trying to help us get back together. Then one day at work she calls me telling me she got Rape by Eddie. She told me she was driving and pulled over and was knocked out by him and wrote a message on her for me. I was WTF! Call the police I said and she stated she already had and made a police report. At this time the stress and my sanity broke and I tried to comfort her, but her story didn't add up once I called the police dept and asked for the report which they have no record. I spoke with her mom who was socked and said she was with her all the time. So both our family approached her and she confessed she lied and that she was the one calling me using her sisters phone. She was both Eddie and Kristy!

 

A week has passed then out of nowhere she showed up at my door to apologize. We went to my room and she began crying and pulled her hair saying there is something wrong with her and I told her to go. She left, but came back with a knife pointing it to her stomach saying she will kill her self and that she is pregnant. I picked up my phone to call the police and she waved the knife up and down screaming why don't I love her until she stab herself in the leg 2 inches deep!

 

About a month later I decided to move to Austin and she showed up again, but this time better and apologized sincerely about the events. She said she went to therapy for a month and was taking self help classes. I apologized for my part in whatever negative things I did that lead to that. A week after I moved we began talking and she came to visit now and then and saw how much she actually changed. We decided to take another chance and she moved in with me. She never wanted to go out and meet new people or hang out with my friends while we were in Austin. Over the next 3 years I got fat, lost my job 3 times, grew a long beard, broke, couldn't hang out with friends, looked like a hobo, but we were happy and our love was stronger than ever. Everything look good, but I was not happy with myself. I used to be fit, but not anymore. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy. So I went back to the gym and in about a year went from 190 to 150 solid muscle. I felt great, but that is when she started to feel insecure. I bought a cell phone which I have not had for almost 3 years (we shared phone). I started to dress good, comb my hair, got a new job at a law firm in which I got promoted twice, and making new friends and that is when all of her dark side came back. She started to accuse me of seeing someone and play tricks to out me in some way. She didn't want me to talk to my female co workers and questioned everything she felt I was hiding something from her. I begged her to stop this and to trust me.

 

This is where the abuse started, I never hit her until now and not proud of it either. She will bring it up again and I try to walk away from the situation, but she would always stop me from leaving. I had enough and I took her to a therapist to help her. I even bought self help books for her. All she can say is she can change by herself, but she could never keep her promise. I didn't know what to do anymore, then her cousin came into the picture. Her name was Sam a fat wrist cutting, pot head, low life bitch. She started to hang out with Sam in which I though finally she can have someone to hang with. She rarely left our apt. to be with her cousin.

 

Then after spring break at South Padre Island she seem distanced and lost. She was very persistence to hang out with her cousin two straight days when we came back until I said enough. Whats going on? Something doesn't feel right and we argued until she said I have had enough and broke up with me. She took my car and had her cousin and some guy come by to pick up her stuff. I was dumb founded as to why all of a sudden she did this. I did all the wrong things: I begged, cried, and said bad things to her. We were almost one month til our anniversary and I was going to propose to her. She came back for her remaining things and I saw the same guy who picked up her stuff in my car. I said who is that guy and she looked at me and said Oh he is just a friend. I told her I know what that means, this isn't high school I told her. She said he is just worried and he is there to protect me. ??? from what? So my brother and I went to a restaurant and my brother spotted them coming in and she looked shocked when she saw me cuz she was with that same guy. I told her what is going on, but left before she could answer me. My brother said: She is with that guy we should kick his ass, but I was the bigger man and said no. I said no, it can't be I know her and she is not a cheater. A week later I called her to see if we can talk and she said ok only to come by with that same guy just to blow me off saying she has important thing to take care of. So I cancel our debit card and an hour later she calls me asking if I closed our account and needs to pay for her meal. I said where are you so that I can pay for it. She hesitated and said the same restaurant. WTF! that is why you blew me off! You are buying his meal too?! I yelled at her if she was lying about him being just a friend and she assured he is just a friend. I told her I'm on my way right now to see if your telling the truth. She frantically said no never mind I can pay for it. They were gone by the time I got there. I waited about 3 weeks giving her space.

 

So I decided to get a copy of the car keys and took the car while she was at work. All of her stuff was in the back seat along with other things that did not belong to her. That is where I found a phone that did not belonged to her. I looked at it and sure enough a pic of them two together kissing. He has been texting her while we were in South Padre. The text message was about 214 of them in just 3 weeks of her professing her love to him, how they can't wait to move in together, she bought him a new cell phone, a bed, took out a loan of $600 for a pet deposit for his dog! All this in one month. She called me in a panic saying if I took the car and that's when I confronted her and threw the phone at her. I know everything now I yelled. She was terrified of me and I saw he gave her a cheap ring. WTF? I told her all about the text message and how she said to him that she is for real and how they can't wait to get married? She then told me: you think we are rushing it, but we're not. No I don't think, I know your rushing this! This guy is fat, long beard, zero ear gauges, works at a grocery mart, makes only $250 a paycheck. She started crying saying she is tired of everything, of what I asked. She did not answer me. Your buying this guy everything! I am way better than he is and he's a low life. I asked where did she meet him and she said her cousin introduced him to her and they have been talking. She said she needed a friend to vent, but she painted a bad picture of me. I told her: you never give another man your number and you don't ****en go crying to another man shoulder! You cheated on me! She said no, not physically. Its emotional I said its still cheating! In which she cried saying she did cheat. I showed her her medical records that I found and it turns out she has Manic Depression, low self esteem, insecurities, and she's an out patient. She should have been on Meds but never told me. She told me she'll be out of my life forever, but to give her the car. Your car its MY car! You told him negative things about me and he spoon fed what you wanted to hear!

 

Its been 3 months now and she is still with that other guy. I miss her so much and I still love her. It hurt so bad remembering those text messages. How she talked **** about me. Calling him her boo or hubby and him calling her his wifey. I know its the honeymoon phase. Call me a CHUMP, but I want her back. I had NC for about a month 1/2 and had not heard a word from her. I mean 6 years together she must feel something for me. I hoping to hear from her, but everyday is painful. We had great plans before all this and I blame her cousin for involving her with her low life friends and him. I know it was 100% her decision, but I feel that she was influenced to do it. I know I need to move forward, but I'm hopping to win her back from him. I know we have a bond so that's my advantage, but she has not since text-ed or called me. We took out a loan together a year ago and we split it in half in which she needs to sign a form which I still have and need her signature. So I need to meet with her to sign the form and show her how much I've changed and how I'm moving on without her. I hope showing her this will persuade her in someway to be friends and win her back. I have done a lot of soul searching and focused on my self and changed into a new me. I've been hanging and making new friends and tried dating.

 

I love her so much and she makes me happy no matter what people say. Any help? What should I do? How do I get started in winning her back?

 

Sorry I know very long, but wanted to give you the big picture.

[blotter]

You cant win her back, she's on someone else's jock right now, what do you want from her, leave her alone.

[Rockaboy]

So basically, she's mentally unbalanced, and you're a hitter?

 

And after reading all of that, you still can't see that the two of you are a bad idea?

 

Walk away. That's my advice. Do not get back together. Ever.

 

You may be right to walk away. I just have that feeling that I'm the only one who can save her. Love conquers all and I know that with counseling we both can make it. We have been through very tough times, but we made it together.

 

I was never proud of hitting her, but reading some online post I've read that people with low self esteem in a relationship tend to become abusive. I always walk away from this situation, but her fear of losing me made it worse. We were great until I lost weight, bought new clothes, made new friends, got a new cell phone, and got a good job. All of this happen in just 5 months. I dunno what made her go off the deep end again.