Prettybones Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I was in a "relationship" for almost a year with a man that was completely toxic, cheated, lied, and it finally ended. Our whole relationship was a secret and involved him seeing other women. Our relationship was a secret because his best friend and roommate is my ex bf from high school. The man I was dating wanted it a secret and constantly threatened me if anyone found out. He is a very good liar and 2 weeks ago I found out (no surprise) that he was dating another girl after telling me he wasnt. I ended things over text but he made it worse by insisting he come over to talk to me. He completely broke my heart and made things worse and told me never to tell anyone. He threatened me and pushed me up against a wall and told me, "look at me while I talk to you". I was so scared I decided not to tell anyone. He then said he was changing his phone number because he wanted to fix his issues on his own and not be tempted to text me and there was "no one else" (lies). I havent heard from him in four days. I decided it was time to be honest with my ex bf (his roommate) and let him know that his friend (the guy I was dating) has been lying to him. I told him the whole story and now I feel like its backfired on me. I don't think he believes his friend would lie to him this bad ( he would though, he lies to everyone). I am just trying to deal with this break up but its very difficult because of all the secrets and lies I feel like I have to undo. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like no one believes me. The past year of my life has been a lie even thought this man told me he loved me. A few of my friends know about this "relationship" but I thought telling my ex (his roommate) would be the icing on the cake. I was honest with everyone I could possibly be honest with but I'm left with emptiness and no closure. This relationship was very rocky, dishonest, toxic, and full of lies. I have a lot of pieces to pick up and I'm not sure where to start. Its even worse because he has chosen to change his number and left everything on his terms even though I ended it first. Link to post Share on other sites
Stefanie Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry that you're in such a complicated situation. I have a friend who was also in a toxic and abusive relationship. It took him a loooong time to get over this person despite knowing the harm they did to him. But you don't have to go through that. I personally know how hard it is to not feel trusted. Sometimes the situations we're in are so bizarre that no one would believe it. But that's not your concern. If your close friends trust and believe you, then you're already very lucky. Do you really need the ex/roommate to believe you? He might even eventually, but that doesn't matter because what happens to guy who hurt you and made you keep secrets is no longer your concern. I know the situation feels like it's taking over your life, but you don't need to involve yourself in the drama. You need to focus on yourself and let them figure out their own troubles. You should turn to your friends and let them keep you occupied. You should start focusing on yourself and you're own happiness now. The thrill of a secret relationship and being the other woman usually doesn't end well. It's fun at the time but it hurts people and will turn on you. If the guy's feelings for you were genuine, he'd be in a normal relationship with you and you only. You deserve better. Edited June 15, 2013 by Stefanie typo Link to post Share on other sites
itto ogami Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 The very best and healthiest thing for you is that this affair is over. Link to post Share on other sites
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