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The most brutally honest letter ever


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pasteurization

Hi all--

 

After a tortured 4-year relationship, my girlfriend began to drift away from me, and finally just moved on. She wants to be good friends and has no hard feelings, but clearly has had enough. I can't blame her. I was fresh out of a divorce when I met her, and in no mood to settle down, so I wasn't great (as you'll see below). I have told her that I can't be friends right away, because I have to get over my strong feelings for her.

 

I wrote the following letter. Is there any benefit in sending this, or should I just keep it to myself and try to get over her. I keep hoping that we can rekindle something, but I suppose a letter like this, despite the honesty, wouldn't help that along would it? Let me know your thoughts:

 

Dear ---

 

A lot has been going on with me in the past couple of weeks, and because of it, I want to say some things to you now, despite it being far too late in coming:

 

During the time we were together, I lied and cheated and was indecisive and made you miserable, and then justified it all by saying that I was “not ready for a relationship” or “too confused” or “terrified of commitment because of my marriage” or some other excuse. I even believed these justifications myself for a long time--I guess in order to keep my sense of being a “good guy” intact. I repeatedly made bad decisions based on my momentary feelings or fears that not only caused pain to the person I loved the most, but ended up wrecking me as well--there’s a good reason that I haven’t been able to sleep well in years. I finally want to just say it all, to you and to myself, that I did all these things, and I made the choice to do them willingly. There are no excuses or circumstances or “phases of my life” that justify any of it.

 

Even sadder is the fact that I probably wouldn’t have admitted any of this, even to myself, if you hadn’t ended things between us. I probably could have drifted along with it in the back of my skull, and would have done my best to never own up to what I am capable of. Thank you for putting that to rest.

 

I can’t erase the damage that has accumulated between us over the years, and I will regret that forever. But I will use it to build a better version of myself. And though I’ve lamely said “I’m sorry” to you an endless number of times, I want you to know that from the core of my being, that I am sorry for what I have done to you and to us.

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no. type it up for you, to be cathartic, but don't send it. she isn't going to care.

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undergroundlife13

Honestly, what are you trying to accomplish? If you are hoping for reconciliation you need to be more deep about why you love her, maybe even add in that she didnt deserve it. It sounds very emotionless. While its good you are owning up, it sounds bland.

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scorpio1978

I think the fact that she wants to be friends and has no hard feelings is in your favor. Why don't you try to build on a friendship and when you two are having a nice moment, just tell her that you're sorry. I don't know if the "let's be friends" is just wording or if you plan on hanging out together, but, keep it simple. I don't think there is any need to get too deep unless you are trying to get her back. Write the letter, but hang onto it for a few weeks and see how you feel then.

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scorpio1978

pasteurization, as a new member, are you able to send private messages? It seems you cannot receive them based on your profile, but I wanted to ask you something without starting a whole thread. Can you see if you can shoot me a message?

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pasteurization

Thanks for all the advice so far... I'm feeling that I should just drop the letter and talk with her at some point when I can face her without wanting her back so badly. Scorpio, I don't seem to have a way to send a private message...

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