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! I miss her don't want to break NC


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It's been 8 weeks since we broke up and 4 weeks no contact. We were engaged and had been together for 7 years. She left me without giving me any real reasons as to why she left. And it happened pretty quickly. I lost her, my house and my dogs. Now I'm on my own. It's getting easier to move on as time goes by, but I find myself missing her more and more each day. I know it will get easier.. Just wanted to vent my frustration!

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You're getting closer to hitting your 'wall'....

 

It's often said around here that NC is "going Cold-Turkey for the heart".

 

It's coming off the addictive aspect of your relationship; expunging the noxious effect of neediness, clinging and quiet desperation.

And it hurts more than a ton-weight medicine ball to the solar plexus.

 

And you're gonna hate me for this but - it will get worse before it gets better.

 

If you think this is painful now, wait until you hit the 2/3-month barrier.

 

What a damn hell of a brick wall that will be - like hitting it at 90mph....

 

Stick with us - and FOLLOW ADVICE.

 

Truly, it will be the only way to survive this.....

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going through the same thing, mate.

 

it does get worse before it gets better.... but it DOES get better in the end.

 

some people are just cruel and heartless.

 

losing a loved one is a mourning process.

 

keep strong.

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Ya the 2/3 month barrier hit me HARD. It felt like my heart was just screaming for some sort of addiction fix from anything for a few weeks it was unbearable at times. What made it even harder for me was I just started a contract job when i i started NC and my Emotions got to me at the beginning and I was really trying to focus on my new job. It was rough as heck, but I constantly reminded myself that although it SUCKED, it was necessary to pull myself together and keep going. But you gotta keep strong and just let your heart release it's emotions. Focus on the end result of NC. once I worked through those emotions, I have felt almost nothing for 2 weeks now. Doesn't creep up as much or as often anymore. I feel like im getting "myself" back now. I'm reaching the other side

 

Think of NC as like quitting smoking cigarettes.

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It's been 8 weeks since we broke up and 4 weeks no contact. We were engaged and had been together for 7 years. She left me without giving me any real reasons as to why she left. And it happened pretty quickly. I lost her, my house and my dogs. Now I'm on my own. It's getting easier to move on as time goes by, but I find myself missing her more and more each day. I know it will get easier.. Just wanted to vent my frustration!

 

OP, two big reasons you should NOT contact her are-

 

1) She broke up with you, and did it quickly.

2) She's not contacting you either which reinforces she was done and has moved on.

 

I wouldn't give the woman the satisfaction of letting her know you're thinking about her, miss her, or whatever.. If she want's to talk to you, she'll find you but in the mean time, keep healing and move forward with her out of you life.

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You're getting closer to hitting your 'wall'....

 

It's often said around here that NC is "going Cold-Turkey for the heart".

 

It's coming off the addictive aspect of your relationship; expunging the noxious effect of neediness, clinging and quiet desperation.

And it hurts more than a ton-weight medicine ball to the solar plexus.

 

And you're gonna hate me for this but - it will get worse before it gets better.

 

If you think this is painful now, wait until you hit the 2/3-month barrier.

 

What a damn hell of a brick wall that will be - like hitting it at 90mph....

 

Stick with us - and FOLLOW ADVICE.

 

Truly, it will be the only way to survive this.....

 

Ya know Tara, I'm not really caring for these scare tactics and all this horror speak about the 2-3 month period.. I hope it's urban legend. I'm approaching 2 weeks and it SUCKS even though I know it's the right decision to end it.

 

I hope I'm the exception, not the rule.

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"Scare tactics"....?

 

No.

 

Fact.

 

I'll await contribution from those who have been through it and know this is no scare tactic.

 

 

But who knows?

you might make it.

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If you didn't read my post (#4), the first two sentences might make things a little clearer about it not being scare tactics

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"Scare tactics"....?

 

No.

 

Fact.

 

I'll await contribution from those who have been through it and know this is no scare tactic.

 

 

But who knows?

you might make it.

 

I know you mentioned this before but I'm trying to wrap my noggin around it getting worse vs. going on the down hill side of recovery. I wonder if the folks who suffer thru that time frame the worse are the ones who are not proactively making strides to move forward. Example; they aren't working out or exercising. They are not going out of the house to movies or drinks with friends. They are isolating themselves, staring at their ex's picture while playing opera music, turning the night stand light off/on. :confused: HAHA

 

Ok, I'm being a bit funny but I'm still looking for a better understanding of the phenomenon.

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I wouldn't call it a scare tactic. It's just scary to think that the person you knew that was by your side just left. And you're alone and don't know how to handle these emotions.

 

Does NC suck? YEP! It does! Sucks the big one! But, it's better than being strung along. It's better than to be someones doormat. It's better than clinging to false hope! It better than watching our Ex's move on with their lives while we're stuck in limbo.

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I told you.

It's an addiction.

The centre of the brain which deals with emotional attachments is also heavily affected by chemical attachments - i.e., addictions.

 

So the withdrawal from the relationship will hit you exactly like a drug withdrawal.

naturally, comparatively, it will hit you differently depending on whether you were a line of cocaine once a month man, or a fix of heroin every two days or so.

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Apparently, most addicts relapse several times before truly getting better. I have a lot of admiration for those who are able to go no contact and stick with it the first time.

 

Good luck, matt! You can get through it! :love:

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It better than watching our Ex's move on with their lives while we're stuck in limbo.

 

That's my exact point. Dumpees are CHOOSING to stay stuck in limbo while the dumper moves on. There's no reason a dumpee can't start dating right away even though they are hurting. They could keep it light. Hell, dumpee's do it if they weren't already before dumping their ex.

 

I think it's healthily to grieve and be sad over the end of a relationship. I don't think it's healthily for people to stay in that rut for months and months and not fight there way out of it. I get that everyone heals at their own speed but I think there's also a lot of sympathy junkies that have made their break up their whole lives.

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I told you.

It's an addiction.

The centre of the brain which deals with emotional attachments is also heavily affected by chemical attachments - i.e., addictions.

 

So the withdrawal from the relationship will hit you exactly like a drug withdrawal.

naturally, comparatively, it will hit you differently depending on whether you were a line of cocaine once a month man, or a fix of heroin every two days or so.

 

 

Ok, so with this line of thought, do the dumpers have the same level of withdrawal or do they escape it since they left the relationship?

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I don't know. Every dumper's different. it depends on the reason, the circumstance, the issues involved....

 

Some are as upset, if not more, than the dumpee. Some are indifferent and callous. Some are sad, relieved, happy... who knows?

 

But frankly, there's nothing you can do with regard to their mind-set.

 

All you can focus on, is your own progress.

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going through the same thing... my friend.

 

It's very difficult.

 

Gotta be strong :'(

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