undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 If you want to know the backstory you can look at my last post. I want to write him so badly but i have stopped myself. does it get easier? I am lost and dont know what to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 It does get easier but I hope you've started no contact for the reason you accept that it's over and done with and want to move on rather than clinging on to hope he'll come back, it does get easier, takes some time and some getting used to but it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 I still do have hope, but im hoping with time it will dissapear. I just need to let go, every time i contacted i was back to square one. I hope that by the time i have gone no contact for about a month that he starts to leave my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
chuzzbug Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 It absolutely does get easier. The question is, how much harder do you want it to get before it gets easier? Every time you make contact, you not only reset the NC clock, you actually set yourself back because you're feeding your brain's addiction centers. The next NC attempt will be that much harder. Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyjuan Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Weeks will soon turn into months. Stick at it Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you i hope so. Ive never gone more than 2 weeks...my goal is 30 days, then 60 days ect. Link to post Share on other sites
lailax3 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 It does get easier, slowly for surely. I was dumped 3 and a half weeks ago and have completed my first week of no contact. It really is a great way to heal, especially since I tried to contact him several times and was just ignored. I hope it gets well for you. Fight the urge. Good luck, you know you can do it x Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you and i feel for you, being ignored is the worst thats what has driven me to act so crazy but enough is enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 It's hard, but most things worth doing are. Stick with it and don't be lazy and take the easy way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sneaky Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Only at day 10 myself, but that's twice as much as I managed before. And yeah, getting ignored hurts like hell, I've been in the same boat and it drove me crazy. Though right now it helps me a bit because I know that even if I break NC, there will be no point; I won't get a reply so what would even be the use. Anyway, stay the course and all that. I will too. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I'm at 90 days. I won't tell you my thoughts as they are not positive at this point. All I will say is stay strong and don't break NC no matter what... The rest, well... It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you all for responding and giving your input. Ive been ignored now for nearing 2 months. Ive gone no contact for one week, another week, then 2 weeks, now im back at one week all without getting a response...the ignoring me has drivin me insane and in glad i turned to this forum. I truly feel like i am done reaching out after his disappearance. I see there is no point, if he wants to contact he will on his terms. I will get ignored, so it is pointless. i need to accept i may never get an answer. he took the cowards way put, and that is his choice. yes i still love him, but i need to let go. I cannot do this to myself any longer. I am spiraling into a deppression and the only thing i can do is look forward, not back. I am not this person that i became. i need to let go.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you metal chick! Haha you are the one who stopped me from going to his house Link to post Share on other sites
NJshore Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago. She's already out having fun and I'm the one who is still struggling. She may be too, but I have no idea. We haven't spoke in 2 weeks, but I know she's already out drinking/bars etc. That just tells me that no matter how much she pleaded with me and told me she loved me, she really didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Why did yoi break up with her? Theres no way shes okay in 2 weeks, getting drunk and bars are filling a void, i know this firsthand. i got drunk to try to get over him many times. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Being ignored is the worst, I only wanted to see her one last time for closure and have something nice and meaningful to walk away with, she couldn't even give me that, she owed me money, I told her to keep it, didnt even get a thank you, I think I could handle it if I did anything that deserved her to act like she is but I didn't and now I'm the bad guy, the pure rejection and confusion they give you is enough to make you rip your hair out in debate on contacting them again and when there horrible and dismissive, it makes you want them more, all the while just hoping for the day they grow a heart again and reach out to make you feel better, the fact there's no guilt or remorse on there side keeps your pain around, don't hope for change, hope for karma to bite them in the ass and that someone does this to them because its no less than they deserve. The last time I talked to my ex was the night after i found out I had heart abnormalities and may need surgery to corect the problems, I was so scared and desperate, I wanted to die, her attitude towards me was vile and selfish and I haven't heard from her since and after that night, I hope I never do. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago. She's already out having fun and I'm the one who is still struggling. She may be too, but I have no idea. We haven't spoke in 2 weeks, but I know she's already out drinking/bars etc. That just tells me that no matter how much she pleaded with me and told me she loved me, she really didn't. No, it doesn't necessarily mean that at all. It could be her way of trying to cope. Plus, you got rid of her, you can't be mad at how she's filling her hours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Wow im very sorry to hear that and i feel your pain. I just cant believe that the same guy who loved me and told me he never would hurt me would be this person. he has never told me to move on or leave him alone. I hope one day he realizes i loved him and realizes what he did. You are much better off without her, that is very cold hearted. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I know what you mean, it throws you in a pit of disbelief, I've been hurt before but honestly with her I didn't think she would walk away, despite some of the messed up things she said and did I thought she loved me and couldn't be without me and you just want to believe with all your heart that it still remains true and it wasn't just a lie, so you wait and you wait and you wait and still that day doesn't come and then it really starts to hit you and it hits you hard, she'd spoke to me like that at times for months, it was hard to stand by but I knew it wasn't really her at heart, I didn't tell her about it if I'm honest so it's hard to hate her for it, I wanted to and i tried opening up but I got shouted at and she made it about her then so I couldn't tell her, I tried to cling on to her even though I knew she didn't love me and she said she would see me the day after and neve did, just ignored me after that, I just wanted to see her incase the worst case scenario happened and I could never see her again, I just wanted a nice memory and not have to think about all this anymore especially not now but sometimes you just don't get that and have to keep yourself away from them so they don't hurt you more in the process. Thanks for the kind words by the sounds of it, your guy sounds no better and doesn't deserve you either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 I think some people dont know how to handle someone loving them and they choose to run away instead of realizing.You are very welcome! Im sure youll find someoe right for you one day as will i Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 It's funny because before we got engaged she wasn't like this, we were supposed to be happier than ever after that moment and she just turned in the opposite direction and kept telling me for months she felt she was too young for this kind of commitment and crap like that, she just couldn't enjoy it for what it was, right now I hope your right but and we just got to keep that in mind when we feel like contacting them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 No. They don't love you as much as you love them. Exactly. They aren't evil people because they don't love you. They just don't love you to that extent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Im sure there is truth to that, but being his first relationship i think he was unable to handle love. before me his motto was "**** relationships" so yes you are right but i also believe it was his fear of commitment. He cried over me, i saw it. all his friends said he truly loved me. i just believe he couldnt handle it but regardless he DOESNT love me like i do anymore i know that as of right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author undergroundlife13 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I get what you are saying, there is a lot more back story to this but i dont want to backtrack. Regardless i did love him more, and i guess you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I'm afraid not. If you truly love someone, if you truly can't imagine your life without them, then their craziness, their clingyness, all their faults and their mistakes - it doesn't matter. Because you love them. A fear of commitment is just an excuse. When you love someone, their love doesn't scare you. You can handle it just fine. And all of those excuses are just a polite way of trying to say "I don't love you as much as you love me." The person who loves the least, holds the power. Very nicely said, I read that saying somewhere before "the person who loves least holds the power". My ex had a hint of narcissism in her personality, if she hurt me in any way it wouldn't phase her, I could sit there for hours telling her how x y and z affected me and get nowhere, probably what makes the break up so hard, she gets angry and takes her frustrations out on me so talking to her unless its on her terms isn't an option, her inability to recognise when she's hurt someone makes it hard to explain how hard this break up is, she has no sense of guilt, remorse, empathy or anything needed to see that she's done wrong with the way she broke up with me, she sees her side and nothing else, probably why she repeate so many mistakes during our relationship. Still, I accepted her limitations and the fact she couldn't open up like other people out there. I was happy to be with her and understood her, she never saw this side of her so I kept my mouth shut, at heart she's a good person with a heart of gold so you take the bad with the good so they say. So what you said is true, when your truly in love with someone and love them to the core, nothing matters and you stay with them with no doubts, nothing scares you, least of all the love, everything else is just an excuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts