ottoline Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 These are text messages that my ex sent me the DAY before he came to my house and broke up with me: "you're so cute I'm gonna love you 4ever" "I like to look at [pictures of you] and think about how much I love you" "I promise I will always like and love you no matter what" "I love you and I love being your [boyfriend]" So I was completely blindsided and looking at them now still fills me with shock and hurt. Is there any reason he would do this?? The only reason I can think of is just to hurt me more but I didn't think he was like that. I'm so confused and hurt. I wish I could delete all of these messages temporarily so I wouldn't be tempted to look at them but I know I wouldn't like to lose these memories forever. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) It's a form of self-delusion. They really, really REALLY want to believe what they're saying to you. They say it as much to convince themselves, as to convince you, but in actual fact, it's a last-ditch, desperate attempt to revive, rekindle or resuscitate intense feelings which have in fact died, even some time before. Sadly, it's enormously common, and happens with both genders. Although so far, it seems to be mainly girl-on-boy, as opposed to boy-on-girl, as in your case. Edit Note: Go ahead and delete them. They were simply faltering attempts to perpetuate an illusion, which he rapidly realised was going nowhere. They're not sincere, so as they're lies, you're better off without them. Edited June 9, 2013 by TaraMaiden 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Sadly, I don't think this is uncommon and TM makes some good points about it. My ex told me 60 mins before a silly fight that she loved me and then hugged me. Earlier in the day, she told me that I was stuck w/her forever and quitting wasn't an option. Well, I pissed her Type A, controlling, temperamental butt off, telling her i didn't like the way she was short, curt and snapping in talking to me. she said she was done and made other excused to justify the decision. I left. So, I don't think it's unusual for people to act like nothing is wrong in a relationship, "I love yous", sweet texts, etc. Then only to end it suddenly. The bigger picture you need to do is reflect on the past couple of months. had sex had fallen off, he/she wasn't hanging w/you as much, no romantic talk.. those would be the big rocks that told this was coming. Edited June 9, 2013 by aloneinaz Link to post Share on other sites
CorridorE Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Same thing happened to me.... He said some of the sweetest, most caring, loving things imaginable only days before breaking up with me. What those have said before me makes sense, but I'll never truly understand why he did and said the things he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Happened to me too. I got "you're the greatest boyfriend I could ever ask for! I love you so, so much!" then two days later she broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Enna Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I'm with you completely - as I get older, I realise these statements as warning signs. When my ex, a couple of weeks ago (after being quite unpleasant) needed support, he came to see me and again and again said 'I'm so lucky to have you.' I immediately knew something was going on. It was as if he was trying to convince himself. The following weekend, after he did a disappearing act, he gave me (following an apology), 'You know I love you.' Which is my least favourite thing in the world. I remember an ex kept saying 'I do love you' years ago - any qualifiers in the 'I love you' thing are bad signs! The thing that gets me, though, is that the VERY last time I saw him, he put me at risk of getting me pregnant (i.e. no protection), only about the third time we'd taken the risk in an almost two-year relationship. (Though undecided, I'd be more for this than he was, as he's much younger than I am). WTF?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AlisaMarie Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 My ex cooked my family dinner, pampered me, cleaned the house, and told me how perfect I was... and the next day moved out while I was at work. My mother even said "he's up to no good." ha ha Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 My ex told me I was "the best thing that ever happened to him" days before the breakup. Texted me "I love you" the day of the breakup. Was making travel plans and even booked a hotel room. Heck, he even said he considered proposing to me instead of breaking up. If that isn't crazy. . . . It's really confusing at first, but, like another poster said, look at the big picture from the past few months. I had chosen to ignore what I knew were warning bells. Delete the texts!! Do it now. They will only serve to drag you back into the past. As hard as it is to believe, none of their past feelings are relevant to the present. It's so painful to see and admit that, but the sooner you do the better. Link to post Share on other sites
inaya42 Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 it's also a way of making sure that you are firmly in place while they are making the decision of whether to stay or go. i am ashamed to say that i have done this, and i realize that i have done it to buy myself a bit more time to decide. in other words, i didn't want the relationship to be taken from me before i knew i didn't want it. and i didn't want to suffer rejection. so, in one case, the ex just waited for me to decide though he indicated that he knew we were having problems. he and i were engaged. the second ex ended it with me first, and i had a horrible tantrum but made not a single effort to preserve the relationship. it turned into a mutual (but decidedly non-amicable) breakup. so, yeah, i think it is also about buying time. Link to post Share on other sites
all_cats_rgray Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Yeah, I have the visual memory of my ex kissing my head...so happy to see me... ... yeah, he was being extra kind I thought things where better. I'll these posts make me think...How many monsters are out there. But then again who isn't a monster. Since it looks like. THIS is a common thing. Everyone is when they break up with you. NONE of them do it "right". I'll of us are left here thinking, but you said you loved me. But i'll tell you this.. one day the shoe will be on the other foot. You will be dumping someone. And you will feel nothing, try to fake it. Then run, with no regret. And one day you will know they don't love you. Edited June 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed inappropriate language Link to post Share on other sites
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