skipping an important step.

[kameron]

What happens if your ex skips the grieving process by jumping into a new relationship right away. If she dumps you and moves into a new relationship right away and doesn't give herself the chance to grieve. Will that process come later down the road.

[aisuru]

She grieved when she was still with you. That's the hard knock break of loving and losing.

 

What do you do when you get dumped and can't let go of the person who dumped you and keep trying to make sense of the why? You don't get better.

 

Trust me.

[metal_chick]

What happens if your ex skips the grieving process by jumping into a new relationship right away. If she dumps you and moves into a new relationship right away and doesn't give herself the chance to grieve. Will that process come later down the road.

 

As aisuru said - the dumper grieves before they terminate the relationship. The dumpee grieves after.

 

She could also be grieving whilst in this new relationship. The 'rebound'.

 

If you don't want to be with her, don't have any intention of getting back with her, then prove it to yourself and forget about her. Stop waiting for her to validate you.

[metal_chick]

I also want to add that there is no timeline on grief. Some people don't grieve very long, others grieve for a long time. Some don't outwardly grieve, others have a lot of emotion. Grief is a complex process and no two processes are alike.

 

What I'm saying is, sometimes it's impossible to tell if a person is grieving by looking at them, or even talking to them.

[kameron]

Everyone says the same thing. Just move on, forget about her. Have you guys been in this situation? It's easier said than done. When you gave someone your heart you can't just move on.

[kameron]

And if she left him for me then went back to him who is the rebound.

[metal_chick]

Everyone says the same thing. Just move on, forget about her. Have you guys been in this situation? It's easier said than done. When you gave someone your heart you can't just move on.

 

Oh, honey. So many times.

 

Look, your story is not unusual, or unique. Heartbreak stinks. And I have been there. That's why I'm here on LS - the latest one put me through the ringer.

 

The good thing is, there are enough stories on here to help you create a breakup strategy that works.

 

So, the first thing is, you need to start looking at this relationship as over. It's not going to reconcile, it's not going to come back, it's time to view this thing as finished.

 

The second thing to do, it to realise that the best and quickest (in terms of time) for you to heal, is to immediately purge her from your life and not speak or engage her anymore. When you are around someone you love, and can't be with them, it is torture. But if you are not around them, if you cut them from your life and look after yourself, the feelings will fade.

 

Trust me. I wouldn't tell you this if I hadn't experienced it first hand. There are some steps you have to take in order to ensure that you get past this. Otherwise, the road will be longer and much more painful.

[aisuru]

And if she left him for me then went back to him who is the rebound.

 

Well I guess that means she'll come to you next.

 

How does that make you feel?

[aisuru]

Oh, honey. So many times.

 

Look, your story is not unusual, or unique. Heartbreak stinks. And I have been there. That's why I'm here on LS - the latest one put me through the ringer.

 

The good thing is, there are enough stories on here to help you create a breakup strategy that works.

 

So, the first thing is, you need to start looking at this relationship as over. It's not going to reconcile, it's not going to come back, it's time to view this thing as finished.

 

The second thing to do, it to realise that the best and quickest (in terms of time) for you to heal, is to immediately purge her from your life and not speak or engage her anymore. When you are around someone you love, and can't be with them, it is torture. But if you are not around them, if you cut them from your life and look after yourself, the feelings will fade.

 

Trust me. I wouldn't tell you this if I hadn't experienced it first hand. There are some steps you have to take in order to ensure that you get past this. Otherwise, the road will be longer and much more painful.

 

PRINT THIS OUT. Like 50 copies. And paste it all over your home to read it over and over.

 

We've been there. Why do you think we're here!?!?

[kameron]

Its just so hard because she gives me mixed signals. Like I asked if she was still attracted to me and she said yes. She tells me she still cares about me. The problem im having is I know I was a great boyfriend. I gave her more love and attention than anyone ever could. I always told her I loved her and how beautiful she was. I cooked and cleaned. Took her out to nice restaurants. She said I was too controlling at times and I guess that drove her away. I have really changed tho it took a breakup for me to realize it. But the reason I have hope and havent given up is because I know how unhappy she was before with this guy. He is lazy not outgoing doesn't pay attention to her. The only reason she likes him is because she lets her do whatever she wants and doesn't have a say in anything.

[metal_chick]

Its just so hard because she gives me mixed signals. Like I asked if she was still attracted to me and she said yes. She tells me she still cares about me. The problem im having is I know I was a great boyfriend. I gave her more love and attention than anyone ever could. I always told her I loved her and how beautiful she was. I cooked and cleaned. Took her out to nice restaurants. She said I was too controlling at times and I guess that drove her away. I have really changed tho it took a breakup for me to realize it. But the reason I have hope and havent given up is because I know how unhappy she was before with this guy. He is lazy not outgoing doesn't pay attention to her. The only reason she likes him is because she lets her do whatever she wants and doesn't have a say in anything.

 

Mixed signals are not to be tolerated. You need to not respond to her any more. Block her email, block her phone number, delete her Facebook, etc. She is not allowed to play with your heart like this, so put your foot down. Silence speaks volumes. It's time for No Contact.

[aisuru]

Its just so hard because she gives me mixed signals. Like I asked if she was still attracted to me and she said yes. She tells me she still cares about me. The problem im having is I know I was a great boyfriend. I gave her more love and attention than anyone ever could. I always told her I loved her and how beautiful she was. I cooked and cleaned. Took her out to nice restaurants. She said I was too controlling at times and I guess that drove her away. I have really changed tho it took a breakup for me to realize it. But the reason I have hope and havent given up is because I know how unhappy she was before with this guy. He is lazy not outgoing doesn't pay attention to her. The only reason she likes him is because she lets her do whatever she wants and doesn't have a say in anything.

 

You haven't changed. You're still kind of trying to control her by making assumptions about why she's with this guy.

 

Who cares if he's lazy?

 

Right now? She doesn't want to be with you. For whatever reason. You do not light her fire more than this guy.

 

It hurts, we get it.

 

You have to take care of YOU. Stop worrying about her. Stop wanting to control her.

 

That's why she left you.

[kameron]

I have started no contact with her. I told her I wanted to start no contact so she could have a chance to realize what she lost. I truely was great to her. Well an hour after telling her this she blocked me on fb I have no idea why because we werent friends anyways so what's the point in blocking me.

[metal_chick]

I have started no contact with her. I told her I wanted to start no contact so she could have a chance to realize what she lost. I truely was great to her. Well an hour after telling her this she blocked me on fb I have no idea why because we werent friends anyways so what's the point in blocking me.

 

Because you told her you were ignoring her in an attempt to manipulate her feelings.

 

That's what we would call a d--k move. I too, would block someone from my life who told me they were attempting to manipulate my feelings for them.

[kameron]

I wasn't trying to manipulate her feelings. You can't make someone love you. But I do realize that sometimes people need time and space to evaluate there true feelings and she can't do that if I keep bothering her.

[aisuru]

I have started no contact with her. I told her I wanted to start no contact so she could have a chance to realize what she lost. I truely was great to her. Well an hour after telling her this she blocked me on fb I have no idea why because we werent friends anyways so what's the point in blocking me.

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Excuse me while I hold back....

 

No contact is not to make her realize what she lost. Are you friggin' kidding me!!! Not only that, but you don't tell somebody this.

 

She blocked you because you came across as an *******. Controlling.

 

OMG. Do you not get this? Really?

 

This is why she's glad you're not in her life anymore.

 

(beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice) Where the heck is Tara!?

[metal_chick]

I wasn't trying to manipulate her feelings. You can't make someone love you. But I do realize that sometimes people need time and space to evaluate there true feelings and she can't do that if I keep bothering her.

 

Well, whether you intended to manipulate her feelings or not, that's exactly what it comes across as. Telling someone you're starting NC so they can see how awesome you are, is a clear example of doing something to specifically influence someone's opinion about you.

 

And if you're doing this outside the relationship, one has to question all the nice things you did in the relationship, and whether you were using those to manipulate her feelings as well. If she called you 'controlling' and went back to a guy who is the opposite and gives her a long leash, I really can't blame her.

 

Bottom line is, you're creeping her out. Leave her alone.

[aisuru]

I wasn't trying to manipulate her feelings. You can't make someone love you. But I do realize that sometimes people need time and space to evaluate there true feelings and she can't do that if I keep bothering her.

 

YES, yes you were trying to manipulate her.

 

If you don't do *this,* I'm not going to speak with you. I'm taking my toys and going home. Goodness!

 

She was probably sooooo HAPPY to hear you say this. Cause hello, she called you a control freak.

 

I think this ship has sailed dude.

 

Honestly? Actually, never mind. I'll get dinged if I say what I'm thinking about you right now.

 

I encourage you to look at your actions and words as an outsider. Aye, yi, yi.

 

Hold are you?

[aisuru]

kameron, may I ask how old you are?

[kameron]

I have every right to say that to her. She used me for 2 years. She told me she never stopped having feelings for her ex that she thought they would go away but they never did. She told me I was a mistake that she wishes she never would have dated me then she says no I'm glad I dated you because I realized what I really had. She is cruel and cold. She moved the guy into our house the moment I left.

[aisuru]

I have every right to say that to her. She used me for 2 years. She told me she never stopped having feelings for her ex that she thought they would go away but they never did. She told me I was a mistake that she wishes she never would have dated me then she says no I'm glad I dated you because I realized what I really had. She is cruel and cold. She moved the guy into our house the moment I left.

 

WOW

 

WOW

 

I'm guessing you don't really want us to help you.

[kameron]

I'm just lost and really hurt sorry. I really appreciate the help

[kameron]

She is my first real love. I'm still learning what and what not to do.

[metal_chick]

I'm just lost and really hurt sorry. I really appreciate the help

 

Your behaviour is absolutely not appropriate. You do not get to tell her those things, it borders on sociopathic.

 

Please do yourself, and her a favour, and stay away. Fix this destructive pattern of behaviour now, and leave her alone.

 

Levae. Her. Alone.

[aisuru]

I'm just lost and really hurt sorry. I really appreciate the help

 

You're not going to like this at all. Not at all. But I say this to help you. I really do. Please accept it in the spirit I say it.

 

Again, I wish I knew your age... OYE.

 

You sound like my cousin's ex-husband. Who would put her in the ICU every couple years over and over until she finally got sick of it. He's in prison now.

 

I'm not saying you're that person. But I do have to say I'm kind of blown away by what you're saying and the attitude you're saying these things.

 

People break up. It hurts and it sucks. But this...? This feels different.

 

You cannot allow this to consume you. You cannot allow this to make you so friggin' bitter. It's not healthy. And what you're saying in the way you're saying it, isn't normal. In my world.

 

I wish I knew the right thing to say to you, because I'm not even sure this is it.

 

I really hope you find some sort of peace with this. I do, I do, I do.