He's attempting to meet other women on a business trip

[axelle]

What do yo do when you drive the man you love to the airport cause he's going on a business trip for a week in California and then you find out that 2 days in his trip, he made a request to meet and (sleep???) at one of 4 girls at global freeloaders .com.

 

He calls me and says he loves me. I got mad. I said you ate with your boss tonight why because no freeloader would take you out tonight. I said I could not talk to him and hung up.

 

He hasn't called me in two days.

 

I feel depressed. ANgry.

I don't want to call him but it's hard.

[Kat]

Are you married?

What kind of relationship do you have?

 

Why be with someone who sleeps with someone else?

Why be with someone who lies?

[axelle]

I have my own place, he has his.

We are not married.

 

It's like I can't say to myself he does that to me.

[Fancy]

Originally posted by axelle

What do yo do when you drive the man you love to the airport cause he's going on a business trip for a week in California and then you find out that 2 days in his trip, he made a request to meet and (sleep???) at one of 4 girls at global freeloaders .com.

 

You thank God you found out, consider yourself wiser for the experience, and then you dump him and have no further contact. His screwing around could very possibly give you a disease that could kill you.

[winterwonderland]

Hey I hear those gals get paid very very well

[axelle]

Why, if your company pays your hotel room for the week, does someone attempt to get lodging at a girl's place.

Global freeloaders is an exchange of lodging. People can make accomodation requests to your place and you can do the same at anyone's in the world.

 

I know they were 2 from his company in his room.

 

But why does he have to make a request for lodging when he has, and to girls especially.

 

Maybe he wanted them to show him the city.

 

Why would someone do that when they have girlfriend???

[axelle]

I spoke with him today.

 

He admitted to sending the e-mail.

 

He said it was all innocent and it was just to see if someone could show him the city.

He says he sent it to guys too, but I know it is a lie.

 

Is it ok to do what he did, even it's only a way he says to have someone tell you which places are cool in a city?

 

Please help me.

[Pyrannaste]

If his intentions were *really* innocent, his I.Q. must be a negative number.

 

My guess is that, if he actually did NOT sleep/engage in sexual activities/flirted/whatever with them (very possible he didn't), he just wanted to get to know a couple of ladies and enjoy their company while in another town...not cheating but as thrilling as cheating.

 

I don't think it's okay. If you do anything like this, you should ask your girlfriend if it is okay first. And I don't really know a lot of women who'd be okay with it.

He probably figured it out by himself it would not have been okay to you, since he hid it.

 

It's up to you to decide whether you want to stay with him.

But make sure he understands fully that that kind of stuff is NOT okay.

 

How did you find out by the way?

[axelle]

He wrote me he came back he loved me and wants me back.

 

I finally wrote to him. As soon as I did, he said he wasn't sure anymore. He said the next guy I'm with I should give more time and should let him have his own life. He said he always had to negotiate his activities and he always felt guilty. He said the only way I would be happy would be if he was a hamster in a cage, this way I would know where he is all the time.

 

I was never like that with any other boyfriend. I just was never sure what he was up to. Maybe he was faithful, but I can't accept he goes on a trip and sends emails to girls asking them to show him the town (tell him where the fun spots are), why not ask the hotel people?

 

Anyways, I am upset, down.

 

Our relationship is over.

[uriel]

Axelle,

 

Don't let this guy make you feel guilty -- like you were too judgmental or controlling about this. When a man and woman are in a monogamous relationship, they owe one another the respect of not crossing certain boundaries -- without being told about it. This guy knew very well it wasn't right for him to offer to lodge with single women when he was 1) a stranger to them 2) traveling in town for business 3) attached to another woman. Ridiculous. Even if he didn't sleep with, or intend to sleep with another woman, it's his responsibility to make you feel safe and to keep himself from potentially compromising situations. What married woman would think that was okay for her husband? None with any sense.

 

What he did was very disrespectful to you. You shouldn't have to either tell him that or defend yourself over it. His response is that of a little boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

 

I know you love him -- and I'm sorry this hurts. But he's not grown up enough for a real relationship. You're much better off without him. He'll only hurt you again and again.

 

-- uriel

[axelle]

You are right Uriel when you say he will only end up hurting me again and again.

 

Because this is not the first time he does something like that.

 

In September, he wrote to the freeloaders again and asked for accomodation at 3 or 4 girl's place.

I told him I was definitely not ok with it. He said he would never do that to me if I didn't want to, but at the same time he was sending a girl a message saying he would be there on dec 8-9-10-11.

I felt so hurt. I broke up with him 2 weeks before he left, he was always pissed at me, had no time for me and was taking Russian lessons with a young Russian girl.

 

It turns out that on his trip, he met this teacher for a weekend in Moscow, they slept in the same hotel but he tells me not in the same room.

 

Anyways, when he came back, I was not talking to him, not e-mailing him, no phoning. A month had passed and I was getting better. He kept e-mailing me and phoning me. But then on a Friday night he showed up at my place and we ended up seeing each other again.

 

It seems everytime he goes on a trip he tries to hook up with girls.

 

He says he doesn't do that, that he is not that kind of guy, that he would never cheat on me.

 

I know he writes now to girls in Russia. He has this thing for Russian girls.

 

THe problem is everytime I leave him, he says he loves me and wants me.

 

So previously I had said on this post that I broke up, but he called me again and I fell for him again.

 

But know, I saw him Friday and Saturday night, we slept together, but come Sunday night, he told me I could come over only if I let him do his things, like if we were a married couple, I do my thing, he does his and if I didn't bother him (I took it like that).

Then he said why don't I go out with a friend. I think he had other plans. So I did not go.

 

I fell like I am just an annoying disposable local cheap f* friend to him when his son is around.

 

The previous weekend he did his things and came to see me only on the Sunday night.

 

This weekend he is going out with friends because it's the F1 Grand Prix.

 

I told him I felt like f*friend, he said no.

 

He did not buy me anything for my birthday, but bought himself a 1000$ sound system for his car. It was our 3 year anniversary and I bought him a Star Wars collection figurine because he's a hege Star Wars fan,when I gave it to him, he said, why a gift, I guess I have to get you something know, as a joke. I just get to see him after his baseball after 10 these days it seems.

 

Last night on the phone he said, his finances were'nt too good, and talked about the trip we are supposed to go to PEI. As if a hint for me to say, like I'll pay half. I did not say anything.

 

I do not want to go. But with my history, I fear I will be persuaded to go.

 

I think he is again taking russians lessons with his teacher.

 

I feel used.

 

The worse I could never give him oral sex for him to orgasm, even though I was always willing to, and I like it. It seems, I can't turn him on that way. I know he looks at a lot of porn, of really young girls. So I figure the sight of me doesn't do it for him.

This weekend it was like he was thinking of groceries or baseball when I was doing that. It makes feel inadequate. Maybe he sees other girls who can give that to him.

 

He once mentionned to me he could do whatever he wanted because we don't live together. But it was hard for me to go live with him because we live far apart and my ex lives near my place and his near his place.

 

I just want to tell him he is selfish man and a liar and lots of other things that doesn't deserve me, but I'm afraid he will reply something mean.

 

Should I let him know how I feel or just let it go.

I feel if I don't tell him, it's like he wins.

 

It's silly isn't it.

[axelle]

I feel so alone.

[Love2share]

LET HIM GO!!!! He's totally manipulating you. This guy sounds EXACTLY like my ex. As soon I started to complain about emails that HE was sending to women he worked with telling them that he wanted to F--k them, and other nasty things, while he and I were supposedly monogomus in an LDR, he turned the finger back to me. He said that I was tooo insecure. He also said that same BS that your man said about me wanting him to live in a cage.

 

That's what they do. Then they fill you head with more BS to lower your self esteem. You know...telling you things like..."you'll never find anyone else....blah blah blah." And the more you stay in contact with him, while it's over, it just proves him right. Obviously, as long as you're willing to keep him in you life, still communicating with him, still having sex with him, you don't have anyone else. Then, he can truly take advantage of you. And the more he makes you feel inadequate, the more he will use you.

 

This is terrible. Even while my ex and I were dating, my ex used to pull that thing that yours did while I was giving him a BJ. He would look at me like I wasn't doing anything for him. And then he would go soft. Instead of thinking that he had a problem, I took it personal as though I wasn't good enough for him, eventhough I know, I was doing a BJ that would make some porn flick queens droole. Basicly.......my ex knew I was doing the BJ good. But he didn't want me to know it was good. That way I would feel so inadequate about my skill, that I would never give it to any other man. He didn't want me to think I was good enough for anyone but him.

 

This how a very cruel person will bring you down. And the only reason they want to make you feel bad, is because they, ultimately, have a low self esteem of thier own. They make themselves feel big, by making other people feel small. This is not the type of person you need in your life.

 

PLEASE, TRY TO AVOID ALL CONTACT WITH HIM..ASAP. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER OR SOMETHING. DON'T TAKE HIS CALLS. YOU REALLY NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM.