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Was I played??


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Okay...so here goes...6 months ago I meet someone in a nightclub, he was attractive, we got on well...but he had a girlfriend! It turns out he also worked in the same place as me. We were due to go to a Christmas night out 2 months later and never seen or spoke to each other until that night, he still had a girlfriend but somehow we ended up back in his room!

 

3 weeks later he finds me on Facebook and we start chatting and texted most nights with him calling (mostly when drunk) and telling me he was going to split up with his girlfriend and wanted to go out on a date with me.

 

This has been going on for months when we bumped into each other in the pub last month. He ended up back at mine and a few weeks later ended it with his girlfriend. He came round, we had a few drinks and got on really well. Until last week he told me he was going out on a date with someone else!! I didn't think I would bother but this week he has decided that he doesn't want to go on a date with me and has stopped all contact.

 

Writing this has actually made me realise that...I have been played haven't I??

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No you haven't been played. You have been the author of your own misfortune in sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend.

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I would bet so, but in a way that has nothing to do with you.

 

More than likely he was very unhappy with his current or now EX GF. When he met you, you became the impetus that had him realize his feelings about her were valid and through physical interaction with you (be it guilt for him) he ended his past relationship.

 

You were not likely the reason he ended it, meaning he did not end his other relationship for you, only that having an attraction and physical intimacy with you had him realize he no longer loved or ever loved his GF. He dumped her.

 

Now that he is “free” sort-of-speak, he likely wants to play the field, sow his oats or whatever you want to call it.

 

The fact is, he doesn’t think you realize this; he probably doesn’t even totally realize what has happened. I’ll bet my bottom dollar he will be back to you in-between his experimentation with others.

 

Know that every time he thinks or finds himself possibly alone on a weekend night, you can expect to hear from him. Remember, he has this new freedom he wants to explore.

 

Now that you realize this is all the likely case, do you think you were played? I don’t think you were.

 

However, if you let him in your life now that you have read this reply and believe it possible, then YES, further contact without a commitment from this guy will have you being considered “played” or “used”.

 

BTW, How old is he, 24 or less?

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Yeah good point! When I think about it, I would hate it to happen to me and what is the point in dating someone who has already cheated to be with you!

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And what Amelie said too...

 

Good one Amelie -- ain't that the truth!

 

No you haven't been played. You have been the author of your own misfortune in sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend.
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Am4Real you are so right! Yes he is 25 and I didn't actually expect him to want to be in a relationship with me nor tie him down to anything. I think the fact he went out on another date after leading me on for so long maybe just hurt a little! And to speak to someone for months and now nothing while he goes and "finds himself" is a bit bizarre. I guess that he just wants to go out and have some fun and your also right if and when he decides that he wants to get back in contact I guess I will need to decide at that point :/

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And you're older than him, right?

 

Am4Real you are so right! Yes he is 25 and I didn't actually expect him to want to be in a relationship with me nor tie him down to anything. I think the fact he went out on another date after leading me on for so long maybe just hurt a little! And to speak to someone for months and now nothing while he goes and "finds himself" is a bit bizarre. I guess that he just wants to go out and have some fun and your also right if and when he decides that he wants to get back in contact I guess I will need to decide at that point :/
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Don't know about that...

 

But I will tell you this, we hear a lot from ladies in their twenties or be it late twenties like you and early thirties who are dating downwards, meaning guys younger than them.

 

First of all woman are generally more mature than men through their twenties and, compounding this in your case, you are near five years older than him naturally.

 

He is no where near your level hun! You might want to date upwards on the next round.

 

Yeah im 29 and should know better! haha
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Am4real could you become my life coach please! Makes so much sense! I had split up with my boyfriend who was 35, 6 months ago and maybe I was just looking for some compansion and this guy gave me some attention and made me feel good again!

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Not sure about that, but I can coach you though this thread...;)

 

We're all not above figuring it "all" out. I recently came out of a relationship with a 29 year old who turned 30 and it had all the making of someone (her) in a life change, so I've formed my opinions about that as well -- and I was much older than her.

 

All in all we learn things along life's road, don't we? And when we do, it's always a proper gesture to share it with someone else.

 

Feel free to ask away, I'll always give you my best.

 

 

Am4real could you become my life coach please! Makes so much sense! I had split up with my boyfriend who was 35, 6 months ago and maybe I was just looking for some compansion and this guy gave me some attention and made me feel good again!
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I think today is the start of something new! Onwards and upwards, there is someone out there for everyone and the best thing is life to be happy!

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There you go...that's the spirit!

 

And there is someone out there for you...trust me!

 

I think today is the start of something new! Onwards and upwards, there is someone out there for everyone and the best thing is life to be happy!
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Harsh, but a little truth to this.

 

You proved to be the victim and perpetrator in this. As many people on LS and all over the fricken' world that are trying to find "that" person in their life to have a meaningful, loving relationship, you came into this having no regard, respect or remorse for aiding and abetting this guy's desire to cheat. Ugh.

 

As this guy had little respect for his gf he was dating at the time, he had none for you either. You were his interim hook-up until he found something better. I'm sorry, cruel, but true.

 

It seems clear that you have learned from "this" experience. I hope you don't make the mistake of hooking-up with the next person that finds it easy to cheat on his gf.

 

Good luck. I really mean that. Just please, don't make this dating whirlwind any worse for the rest of us that value honesty, loyalty and commitment.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I appreciate your comments soccerrprp, I didn't intentionally fall for this guy and to be fair several times told him to back off. I don't want to appear the victim in any of this as I know it was wrong that he cheated on his girlfriend and although I don't agree with it, I understand your comments and appreciate your honesty.

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ThatJustHappened

But not more "ending up" in bed with guys who have girlfriends (or wives)..right?

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