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I am scared that he was my only chance for love.


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BustedUpInside

My ex boyfriend of over six years broke up with me about three months ago. We had lived together for about 4 years of our relationship. About three years into our relationship, he asked me to move with him to a different state away from all of our friends and family and I did. When we broke up, I moved back to my home state while he remained in the home we had shared. The break up was sudden, painful, and humiliating. I had about a month to pack all my stuff, find a new place to live, and leave.

 

The problem I have now is not how much I miss my ex. I do miss him, but I am actually kind of relieved not to have to deal with his mood swings and lack of affection anymore. What I am actually worried about is that no one will want me again. I know that everyone will say that it just takes time and that there are probably lots of people that will want me, but that is just not the case. This was only my third relationship and the only one that lasted over six months. Men don't seem to find me very attractive and I have heard more than one man admit that my intelligence and independence is intimidating. I am not prepared to change my entire personality in order to have a relationship so I am worried that I will never find someone that will accept me for me like I thought my ex used to do.

 

So, not only did he leave me heartbroken, financially ruined, and significantly older with nothing to show for it, he left me to grow old alone without any romantic love. I wish I was the type of woman who was able to find a relationship or that men would come up to and ask on dates, but that has never happened to me and now it probably never will.

 

I guess what I am asking is how can I accept the fact that I will most likely be alone while my ex eventually moves on to someone new.

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I understand your frustrations... but you need to be nicer to yourself. If you want to date then try online dating or meetups or things like that. Its all about confidence and perspective, you need to start thinking positively so that you allow yourself to find happiness.

 

My ex just left me after 3 years... I'm 28 and she is 25. I did not want to start dating again this late in life. I was ready to settle down and have a family... but those were not the cards I got dealt. Now I'm starting to get to a place where I'm exciting at the prospect of finding someone that will love me as much as I love them.

 

Good luck!

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Andre is right. You are being very hard on yourself. While you think that the past may repeat itself (ie your dating history), approach your life a little differently and different things will happen for example if there are things you never got round to addressing in yourself such as a hobby, or a hair colour you wanted to try and didn't yet, do these little things just to get you moving in different directions a little bit, out of your daily normal routine. Everyone has dreams :) and i have found that being in relationships means compromise so now you have complete artistic license over your own life so explore some of that :) in however little or much you can handle comfortably at the moment. I feel for you i do. I don't have so much trouble getting dates but they are not with guys i like, and i don't see many men in general i would wish to date so in the end, i too am left with having wanted one guy, that i can't have, without much prospect in sight of another one. None of us can predict what will come our way. So i suggest you have a little fun treading new paths and all we can do is have faith :)

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