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Is my ex crazy or am I ? Should I walk away for good?


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I am 28. She is 26.

-dated ex on and off for 6 years. We have pretty much remained close friends throughout this time.

-a few months ago she told me she broke up with her boyfriend, and that she loved me still.

-we started seeing each other again, sleeping together, etc. Went on for a few weeks. She told me she was broken up with her boyfriend but loved us both and was confused. I told her I understood and we could take it slow.

-After a few weeks, she turned cold and distant. I asked her what was up and she said nothing.

-A couple days later she text me and told me she loved her ex boyfriend and had unfinished business with him. She told me she was still torn but needed to end it with me. She also told me she lied and that they had never broken up. I was so angry and hurt. BUT told her I needed some time but would try to understand. She asked me not to hate her and to please stay close to her in her life. That I was her best friend.

-Ever since that conversation, she turned into a different person. Stopped texting, calling. Was cold, dismissive, callous whenever we talked. She begged me not to go away and then she decided to go away on me after lying to me and screwing me over.

-I miss her in my life and asked her why she stopped returning my calls. One night, I told her I would like to talk because i was going through some stuff with my Dad's health. No call back, no text back. Nothing. Finally, I text her and said i think she doesn't want me in my life anymore and she text me back and snapped at me stating that she was in bed and wanting to sleep. I got angry. Told her it was obvious she doesn't care for me and that her absence and actions have shown me that. She said I was being ridiculous, and she said we will talk when she is awake. I told her there was no point-her concern was no longer with me. I then text and said "I hope he is worth it." knowing she sacrificed our friendship for him.

 

And that was it, nothing more from her. Not even a message telling me I am wrong and that she does still want me in her life.

 

I am at the point where I know I should walk away. I haven't heard from her and have not expected to. But I am disappointed and hurt that she would treat me this way. I realize that she may love us both but it is him that she wants. I have always stood beside her through everything, and I think she knows that and takes advantage of it. I know you have all heard this before, but we do have a really amazing connection. And honestly, I have never been so close to another human being in my life. I don't understand these games, and the complete change in her regard towards me. And it seems she wants me to think that I am the crazy one. What I don't get is that she is the one that lied, cheated, and sacrificed me for another person. She is the one that threw me away so why is she putting the blame on me? and why did she just cut me away like that? Did I do the right thing with her? Am i crazy or is she?

 

We haven't spoken to each other in days, which is a long time for us. Do you think she will try to contact me again? and what should i do if she does? Should I ever speak to this girl again?

 

I don't know how to feel or how to deal with this.

Edited by box84
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She didn't text back because she was with her boyfriend.

 

You should have stopped talking to her when you first broke up, cut all ties and get on with your life. Why pause your life for someone who is obviously only interested in her own needs?

 

P.S. The whole dad's health thing is touching but she really couldn't care less and sees this as you trying to pull her back in via guilt.

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I think you're right. I think she was with her boyfriend. And you are wrong-I didn't mention dad because i was trying to guilt trip her. They are close, well, we're close. She always asks about him, until the last few weeks that is ...

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fancy feast

Lose her number, cut all contact. Don't respond to anything. She lied to you about something pretty serious, and used you. Don't reward that.

 

For what it's worth, I've been in your shoes before so I can sympathize. I know how ****ty it can feel, just take it one day at a time.

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ForeverHopeful1

:( Sounds like she is a confused young lady!

 

I would try to move on, mainly to save your own heart from all of this. Knowing you want to be with her, while she wants to be with him has to be killing you. Even if she did come back, would you trust her? I have a good rule... "if they will do it with you, they will do it to you." I have no doubt in my mind that she would get back together with you, then do things with him behind your back, much like she did with you behind his back.

 

Maybe she wanted to see where things would go when she missed you and decided to step out on her R for a little bit to see if that flame with you was still there. It wasnt and she went back to her boyfriend.

 

I am really sorry for your pain and sorry youre going through this. It is really sad after all that time to be hurt by someone this way. Do I think she went out of her way to hurt you? Probably not. Did it? Absolutely it did. She sounds very confused and in the process could have hurt both of you. I would cut contact with her for your own sake and move on. Bestfriend or not. She probably isnt really "allowed" to be friends with you in her boyfriends mind and any friendship you have would be/is a secret anyway.

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I'm sorry for what you're going through. Can't blame you for hanging on to the relationship with her. I also had the so called connection with someone until things went too toxic for the both of us that we started hurting each other unconsciously. I've come to realize that loving someone too much can get us in trouble and there's no one to blame but ourselves. You have to leave some respect and love for yourself. I know you may say you love yourself, but you can't let anyone treat you like that. Stop being codependent and try to get on with your life. It will take slow but in the process, you'll see you might have actually made a right choice.

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And you are wrong-I didn't mention dad because i was trying to guilt trip her. They are close, well, we're close. She always asks about him, until the last few weeks that is ...

 

That is good that they were close but when she decided to walk away from you she walked away from your family. She may/may not care about your dad still but she doesn't deserve status updates about him.

 

Keep your chin up and use this time to progress in other aspects of your life mate.

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TearyEyedPride

Sounds like she played you. You guys broke up... she got into another relationship, slept with you while still in it. Essentially having her cake and eating it too confusing you in the process. Then she essentially tells you "Hey don't leave my life, while I withdraw from yours". So while you try to reconnect with her, she's still with her boyfriend and gets to be b*tchy and string you along as long as you choose to stay attached to her. The more you pursue her, the more she pulls away and the more pathetic you end up looking and feeling.

 

You said it yourself... move on. Really really REALLY let her go. If she comes calling again ignore her and continue to pursue your own happiness without the mindgames and conflicted emotions.

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Thank you for all the kind words and great advice everyone. I guess I feel like I am still in shock about everything, it's hard to comprehend that she could treat me like this and disregard me like a piece of trash. I wish I had a better understanding of it, why she would choose to handle everything this way--I don't think I will ever gain that understanding, especially not from her. But my gut is telling me that ultimately she is sacrificing me for her boyfriend. I just never thought of myself as that expendable to her. I believe that she loves her boyfriend, and I would have remained in her life regardless of that. She was my friend too. I guess she did not view me the same way. I just don't know what she thinks she could possibly gain from doing this. I wish I knew that at least.

 

I will not contact her again. I fear this will be one of the toughest things I will ever have to do.

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