forgetmenot75 Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 Hello, I've posted my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/386292-dealing-difficult-man-difficult-situacion I am married but we are getting the divorce soon. In the meantime, we live in different places. The guy whom I'm in love with doesn't know this yet. We've been seeing each other for 4 months now. I've started NC 8 days ago since things weren't working quite well (I wanted more, he couldn't give it to me). He asked me to date other men, because my emotions were really intense and I think he couldn't handle it. I did, and then he went cold. I stopped contact 8 days ago, and he's being very active on line, in a site we both visit. He's showing interest on other women, and I'm extremely hurt. My question is this: I think NC is good to make the hearth growth fonder, but what if he thinks I already moved on and he does the same? Is NC going to work in my situation, or should I contact him and start chasing him again? I know he won't contact me again. I need some advice. Thank you. PS. I'm not telling him I'm getting the divorce, I'm scared he'll run. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 I would call this one a wash and just leave it. In not telling him about your marital status you have deceived him. even if you do get together again are you going to keep lying to him? How do you think he will react when he finds out you lied? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 Oh, no! I never lied to him, he knew from the beginning I was married. What I didn't tell him is that I'm already separated from my H. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 Sorry it read as if he didn't know you were married. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 You appear to be under the impression that NC is a tool designed to lure someone back.... Nothing could be further from the truth..... No Contact is a way of finding your core, settling it, healing it and moving on. NC has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else. It's implemented by you, for you. The excellent No Contact Guide is in my signature. Read it. All of it. Then maybe you will see things more clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 He told you that you should date other men........and....you did... *facepalm* Well, write this one off. Take time to yourself and enjoy being single for a while. There's nothing wrong with that. When you started to date other men. You pretty much proved that you weren't that serious about him to begin with. You were able to move on so quickly that you really didn't hold him in high regard. You didn't fight for him, so he's not going to fight for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 Thank you, taraMaiden. I read it all and I found some peace. ChiTown: I told him several times I loved him and had no need of other men. He insisted when he saw I was falling hard for him. He pushed me in the arms of other men. He told me several times he wanted me to be happy, and that I'd probably find that happiness in other men. He never stopped to visit dating on line sites while he was seeing me. Several dating sites. And he told me he was "in love" with other woman. I was out of the country for 11 days, he didn't even noticed I deleted my account in a site we both visit. Even though I was not there, he continued visiting it, flirting with other women. It's been 8 days NC, he's more active than ever, adding women, sending them presents...He's quite successful too. He never tried to contact me in this 8 days. He must be thinking I'm dating the other man. Now, what should I do? I implemented NC because I noticed he was cold and I didnt like how the relationship was developing. But he seems he already moved on, long before I implemented NC. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you, taraMaiden. I read it all and I found some peace. ChiTown: I told him several times I loved him and had no need of other men. He insisted when he saw I was falling hard for him. He pushed me in the arms of other men. He told me several times he wanted me to be happy, and that I'd probably find that happiness in other men. He never stopped to visit dating on line sites while he was seeing me. Several dating sites. And he told me he was "in love" with other woman. I was out of the country for 11 days, he didn't even noticed I deleted my account in a site we both visit. Even though I was not there, he continued visiting it, flirting with other women. It's been 8 days NC, he's more active than ever, adding women, sending them presents...He's quite successful too. He never tried to contact me in this 8 days. He must be thinking I'm dating the other man. Now, what should I do? I implemented NC because I noticed he was cold and I didnt like how the relationship was developing. But he seems he already moved on, long before I implemented NC. You should move on and let him go. Sorry but he's not into you. At all. You need to leave him alone or he will end up taking out a restraining order against you. Let your divorce go through, give yourself some time, and then start dating again. Also I would suggest therapy. It's worked wonders for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 He just broke NC. He sent me a text message saying hello. I haven't replied him yet. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Ignore it. He just wants sex and attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 Ugh I'm really struggling. I want him back so bad but something prevents me for answering. What is it? Why I cant just answer? This is really painful. I love him so much, I stopped talking to him 9 days ago, he must be thinking I already moved on...but I just can't answer him! I feel so bad! Yesterday he signed in in the site we met. It's the first time in 4 months. He signed in to check on me, because I told him I met the other man there. He's showing interest, ugh I'm really struggling I want him back. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 If you respond, you're just going to set yourself back into the unpleasant familiar routine. What we on LS call, "Lather, rinse, repeat" mode. More of the same, old, same-old crap. Please, I know it's so, SO hard - but maintain No Contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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