Leigh717 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I know this is a hard question to answer but I just need a guys perspective, do you think he'll ever regret leaving our relationship? We were together for a year and three months and we were both completely in love with each, we shared the same values, morals and wanted the same things out of life. Our relationship was healthy we appreciated each other and supported each other. The only things we had to worry about we're that our jobs meant we'd sometimes be apart (he was away for 6 months last year but this seemed to make us stronger and when I seen him halfway through we had a great time) and my only other worry was that he was 20 and I'm 26 but he was so set on all the things he wanted out of life that he said this should never worry me and we got on great so it never was a problem. Anyway we'd been apart for two weeks last month and in the last week he started to act distant and as we were an open couple I asked if everything was ok he didn't seem himself and every time he would just say he was fine and that I knew he would talk to me if he wasn't and that he loved me he was just stressed out about his job (he hates it and wants to leave but everyone around him advises him not to) so I just said he had to do what made him happy and I'd support him whatever he decided then he called me half an hour later crying saying it was over he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that was it I haven't heard from him since and it's been 6 weeks now when I met him to swap our belongings and close our savings account (we were saving for a house, he loved commitment it made him feel secure) he seemed so cold and different and couldn't even look me in the eye. And now from what I've heard he's completely changed and is out drinking all the time having fun and has just completely moved on. And he's behaving differently hanging out with guys from work that he used to say annoyed him and were immature and commenting on firls pictures he used to call fake. I'm just really struggling to understand it all he was so excited about our future and so set on everything he wanted and he always promised we'd talk through any problems but I feel like he didn't even try. And when I try to look back to spot signs that he was unhappy I genuinely can't he was very down about his job and lack of understanding from his family but he used to say I was the only thing that got him through. And I can't understand how he has decided to give up so quickly even if he was unhappy for our last two weeks together surely that's not enough to overcome all out happy memories? The only comfort I have is that all our friends were just as shocked even his best friend told me he was truly shocked and gutted and he thought we were the perfect couple. I really thought he was the one and I never gave up appreciating him even the last weekend I was with him and he was working I cycled into town and bought all his favourite food to take to him to cheer him up and when he was sad after a funeral the week before I baked all his favourite things for him coming home. I understand he's got a lot going on his life but do you think he'll ever regret giving up so easily? Sorry for such a long story I'm just so lost with it all. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonleyboy13 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 This is very similar to what happened to my ex ..!! I'd love to see what people replied! It's hard there's no closure... It doesn't add up and doesn't make sense.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Im a guy, but its no different the gender.... Its just the "same old same old"..Yeah, hes probably immature and doesnt know what committment means, but no one really does at that age. GIGS, no GIGS...who knows? Dont mean to be vague, but read around on these sites and you will quickly discover that what you though t was unique about your situation is really not that unique... I wish you well...The journey begins.. TFOY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I'm sure he will regret it or at least miss you but there is something pulling him to do these other things and without you and the going out with guys he doesnt like and liking pics of girls he said he thought were fake....that all rings a bell from my recent situation. I dont know because i am not like that (im also a girl btw) but i have a theory that people want to want these things i.e same values, morals etc but.... There is one thing that i heard that makes complete sense: people have beliefs, but they also have needs (nothing to do with you persay), and they will pretty much always choose to satisfy their needs over their beliefs. In good ways, and in bad. We can't control what people do. He is so young that whilst i know you guys had an open relationship he probably isn't feeling comfortable enough in himself that a committed relationship is actually what he wants. He may enjoy the idea of it...the planning etc and playing at it but the reality of a committed relationship and life may not be what he actually wants when it comes down to it. What i wanted and was ready for at 20 was very different to now. You are older...and a different person from him but you might see from your past that you also changed what you wanted from age 20 to age 26 and it will change again. Doesnt mean feelings change but he might not be getting what he really wants/needs from the situation with you. It is NOT personal even though i know it really feels it. Sounds like he has gone awol. I understand that and what you wanna pay close attention to is how he is treating YOU now. Is he a good guy? Also depression can make men shut down and act out as they don't have the same way of processing it as women. On the more serious scale you just have to look at the statistics....women are 10 times more likely to seek help for their feelings...whereas the number one cause of death of men in their 20s and 30s is suicide. It is important for you and him to know that you are ok without him. There is always a question mark hanging over all of our futures so, live for yourself right now and focus on the things you do anyway without him. If you don't have any, that will always be a problem no matter what relationship you are in. I don't know you so can only comment a bit specifically and mostly in general about the themes to your thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
maiden555 Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Siankat said it well. 20 is VERY young. I'm sure he cares very much about you, and the coldness when you saw him was a front. But if he feels that he needs to see and do other experiences, it might be what's best, for both of you. I know it's so hard to make sense of. Maybe you will come together in the future. Take this space to think about what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
Mayfare Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 My breakup happened 3.5 months ago and it was pretty similar to yours... My ex is 22 and I'm 21...so about the same age as your ex. We were together for two years and the entire time we were happy. We did plan for the future a lot as well, but he seemed to really be on board with everything and thrive on the stability of our relationship. Fast-forward to the breakup...he was overwhelmed with commitment. As mature as he wishes he was, he just really was not mature enough to hand the level our relationship was on. I was devastated/barely functioning at first, but I'm doing really well now. Actually, I think the breakup was absolutely necessary and a great thing for both of us. I hope one day we can try dating again, but I just cannot be in a relationship with him right now as he is a hot mess. And your ex is probably just as big of a hot mess as mine. I'm sure he appears to be moving on and static on his position to breakup right now, but he is missing you. I couldn't understand how my ex just dropped the relationship without even trying to make it work, but it didn't end because of me, it ended because it had to and nothing we were going to try would save it. He needed/needs to be single for a while before we ever try and date again...and single for a long time. I've been in LC with my ex on and off and when we do talk, it is clear he still has feelings. He's admitted he's still in love but can't handle a relationship. It's hard for it to end when there's still so much love there, but you have to let it. Whatever problems he's going through right now he needs to solve on his own, and any weight of commitment on him has only been exacerbating the stress he's already feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh717 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 Thank you all for your replies. I know what your all saying is true it's just still so raw right now that I'm struggling to accept it all. Especially the age thing it feels like such a cop out that its ok for him just to give up and break my heart because of his age! it was my biggest fear when starting our relationship and he dismissed all my worries about it and would even get upset that I thought it was a problem! Now I feel like the fool but in all honesty I know he was only 20 but he had lived he'd had a serious relationship two years prior to me and in between that time had done the whole going out getting drunk meeting different women so I guess I hoped he was ready and he'd been on dates before me as he was looking for a relationship. Love is just very confusing and cruel! But hopefully as everyone says it will get easier with time. And even though I hold onto the slightest hope in my head that one day we'll be together again I know that's not going to happen its been 6 weeks nc now and the way he's completely changed I doubt he does ever miss me or even look back at what we had. Thank you again for taking the time to reply Link to post Share on other sites
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