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No Contact Initiated...


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Quick notice: I put this up in the "Second Chance" forum about a night ago not realizing that I had posted it to that forum. My bad.

 

Anyways...after two weeks of utter uncertainty and the occasional feeling of getting back together with my ex, I finally decided to initiate no contact. Get ready, because I got a little bit to tell here.....

 

For a bit of back story, two weeks ago, my fiance and girlfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me. She balled her eyes out and told me that she didn't want to do it but she felt like it was something she had to do because she was so young, confused, and felt like she just did not know what she wanted. I was absolutely shocked, but after a week of no contact, my boss talked to her at work (we work at the same place) and told her that she really needed to think about what she was doing because she could be throwing something great out the window. She told my boss that "it wasn't a guaranteed thing" and that she "just needed time to think." Afterwords, she asked me to come talk to her. She hugged me tight and started crying. She told me that I was her best friend and that she hated that she felt the way she did and that she didn't know why. She continued to state that she loved me and that she was just so stressed with everything and she kept saying "I just don't know what to do," with which I replied, "you need to work on you. You need to figure out what you want." I could tell that she didn't want to kiss me, but she continually put her head on my chest. Afterwords, we told each other "bye" and walked away.

 

While I thought that, after that, we were definitely taking a break from each other, she started texting me. The first thing she texted me was a funny picture that she captioned, "I thought you would find this funny :)." I bouted with texting her back, but after 4 hours (A definite regression from the time it usually took me to text her) I texted her back, "Haha." I regret that I did that because, two days later, she sent me my work schedule. While we were together, she would do that, but it had been a while since she had last sent me my schedule. Once again, I waited a long while and sent her a simple, "Thank you." She then texted me, "No problem! I just thought it would be helpful :)." At this point, I started to get confused. She ended our relationship, but she was still trying to contact me and be friendly? Surely she wanted to get back together with me! Yea.....I'm naive. However, it didn't end there. A couple days later, she saw me at school sitting on a bench outside of one of the buildings where I was waiting to go to class. I was looking at my phone when I heard, "are you just sitting here?" I looked up surprisingly and saw that it was her. I said, "yea, just waiting on biology," to which she replied, "oh...that's right!" She then said, "how are you doing." I then told her in a very apathetic tone, "I'm doing okay." She then asked me for a hug, which, like an idiot, I gave her and, once again, she put her head on my chest and began to tell me how stressed she was. She then walked me to my class, we hugged, and that was it. A couple of days later, she saw me pass by her house in my car. First of all, I wasn't stalking, I was delivering a pizza to a house right down the street from her. Unfortunately, I had to pass her house to get there. She then texted me, "I just saw you pass my house ;P" At this point, I was hooked like a damn fish. I generally thought she was trying to get my attention again, which she did. I then sent her a text that said, "You spying on me?! ;P," in which she replied, "I should be asking you the same question!" This all instigated a whole bunch of silly flirtation....something that, later, I felt stupid letting happen.

 

At this point, I began to really be concerned as to what her intentions were, especially since she kept asking me for hugs, putting her head on my shoulder at times, and asking me to do other intimate things that we used to share with each other. So, the next night, after work, I decided to ask her what was up. I first asked her how her time alone was going, which she then replied, "well....I'm less stressed." When I asked her about the texts and her intentions behind them, she then said, "I'm just trying to be friendly. I then told her that I was having mixed feelings about that. Once again, she started crying and sounding even more confused than she did a week beforehand. She kept telling me that "she was so stressed and she let her mom get in her head and manipulate her (something her mom does often)," but then she claimed that her mom had nothing to do with the break up.....so then I was generally more confused. I then asked her if, when the summer came, she wanted to try and talk about things and attempt to rekindle what we had. Overall, she seemed very indifferent about it, which was a pretty big blow to me. However, then again, how can you be confident about it when you still haven't even figured out what truly happened in the first place?

 

After that conversation, I felt like things were just getting worse by me trying to constantly talk them out to her. More than anything, I began to realize that there wasn't a damn thing I could say or do to change things. The next night, she texted me just asking me a question and, after that, I decided I was going to nip it in the bud. I finally typed up a huge letter and sent it to her. The letter detailed all the things that I understood and didn't understand about what was going on with her, how much I truly loved and cared for her, how much she needs to make the decision about our relationship on her own, how much I supported her being happy and that I wasn't going to interfere with that due to my own selfish reasons, and, overall, how much I believed I needed to break contact with her for now to spare myself of anymore hurt for the time being. Overall, I told her that the option to talk about this and work on things was still on the table, but, if she truly wanted me out of her life, then I was going to move on. In the end, I wished her the best. Currently, she has not contacted....but it has only been a day. However, I did find out today that she contacted a close friend of mine who is actually living with me right now because he has no home to tell him to let me know that me and her are scheduled to work with each other this Friday and Sat. First of all, this is something I know and have been knowing. More than anything, she knows this as well. She told him that she would have told me herself but that I didn't want her contacting me. Really?! I still don't even see the point in her doing this.

 

Overall, I just want to know, was this a good move to tell her this? Did I perform this too quickly? Of course, I want her back.....I'm trying to tell myself to look beyond that, though. This is for me......I just don't want to alienate her.She is a really great person, regardless of the break up. She is going through a lot of crap right now and I understand that. While I do realize that she definitely was being selfish by making the decision she did without even bothering to discuss it with me, I generally believe her when she says she's confused.

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