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does she loves me? should i get back to her?


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I really need advice.

 

Background :

I am chinese 33, male.

She is indian 28, female.

 

Together for 3 years

 

She came to work in Singapore where i live. Were friends before we got together..

I was heart broken once over an ex colleague and she spends time mending my heart. Thats how we got started.

 

We were together... she told me about her two ex bf.

1) one that was from india before she came to Singapore whom she really loved. But becoz her mum opposed it and she have to work in singapore, she broke off with her.

 

2) before we are together, she was with this another man who got her pregnant and then she aborted the child.

Same time happened. She bring the man to see her mum and her mum rejects him. Thus she broke up with him and abort the child.

 

I didnt know about this problem until we r together. I realsied she was having depression becoz of the child. I spend my timw mending her heart.

 

 

Breakups:

 

1)Our first break up was in our 1st year. She told me that her mum will not approve and she will listen to her mum.

In order to leave me, she made up a story about her getting back with her ex in india. I told her to patch him up becoz she stills loves him. I fell for it. After a month, she contacted me again and i was having depression over the breakup. She say she wanted to accompany me to see the doctor. While we are at the clinic, she lean on my shoulder n sleeps. Then on our way home, i told her not to come and see me again becoz she has a bf now. Then she told me that she was lying. She didnt had anyone. And we hugged.. she was crying when we did that. She says that i am willing to sacrificed my own happiness so she can be with "him" and it touches her alot.

 

Things got better but she started to treat me coldly again.

By the way, all this while, all my friends know she is my gf but all her friends does not know my existence. (The reason is becoz her friend will ask her not to continue with me due to her mum opposition. This is the truth.)

 

So we continued our relationship this way. She is a air crew so she flys around. We didnt see each other very frequently. I told her to be positive in our relationship but she always says negative things and how we should accept life as it is. I wanted to be constructive by offering suggestions to improve our time together and to let her mjm approves of us.

 

We broke up again because she keep a distance away from me and started the cold treatment.

It was eve of 1 jan 2012.

 

This time, i hang out with my friends and after sometime, she would call me and we will hang out. Then she will stay in touch with me as friends but she will always lean on me and hug me like we are couple. Eventually i sleep over at her place and we got intimate again. (By the way we stopped having sex before the 1st break up becoz she had a surgery done and her vaginal skin got fused together and couldnt had sex again. She is a contract staff and she has been taking too much leave off due to her abortions and previous cysts surgeries that she didnt want to risk taking more medical again in case they didnt want to renew her contract).

And i asked her what is our relationship. And we got back together again becoz she miss me and wanted us to be closer than friends.

 

I made plans with her to visit her family in india. The trio was great and her sister, her grand mother and her mum likes me alot. She said herself that she feels very close to me after the trip and her family likes me too. I tot i have made things more constructive.

It was in oct 2012.

But after dec 2012, she started her cold treatment again

Apparantly it was becoz she ask her mum about us again and then although her mum likes me, she say no again. And she feels we have no future to be together. We dragged on and finally i told her today that i have been 100% bf to her. Being understanding to her needs...

Accepting that i am a "friend" in front of her friends. Have to sneak into hospital after her friends left before i am allowed to visit her.

Having no sex for 2 years plus becoz of her condition.

Acceptibf that we are not meeting often becoz she needs space. Never quarrel with her. Always understanding frkm her point of view

Always helping her when she needs my help. Send jokes to her everyday to cheer her up during her depression over the abortion.

She says she probably wont be able to find another guy who have done so much for her.

But i dont think she ever did much for me. Except tgat she listens to me when i am depressed. ( a large of my depression was work related and also becoz of her absence)

 

So i told her that i did everythjng constructive (includinf convincinf my parents to accept her).

And i ask her if she really believes that our relationship has no future. She said yes.

My heart was torn into pieces. I told her today 17 apr 2013 that since that is what she thinks, then we should stop seeing each other.

 

She says she will marries whoever her mum arranged for her. (Arranged marriage is very common in india). She is mordern woman, in fact, she is very amercianised. But i simply cannot understand why she doesnt even want to fight or do something to make her mum approves of me.(

 

She says she dont love me.

 

I really dunno if she really dont love me or she said that so i can get over her easier.

 

What should i do? She cried the last two times when we broke up. This time is over the phone. I sense she paused a long long time before agreeing to say yes to no contact. I told dont contact again beco i need to heal. She said yes.

 

I am very confused. I can tell u she is the kindest and understanding girl i ever met. But why..

 

 

She is my life. My goal and dream in life. Suddenly shesays she dont love me and it ended just like that.

I am feeling very painful now.

Edited by lonewalker
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