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i need to decipher this!!!


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friends,

 

i need help deciphering this email exchange. after 4 month of no contact i wrote to my ex to apologize for my final nasty email, some general bad behavior in the relationship (emotional tantrums, verbal attacks, act.) and to wish him well. he wrote back -- he was the dumper. LDR -- he couldn't do it, was mistreating me, missing me was unbearable, career was failing yada yada yada.

 

anyway, i'd just really love to get a sense of what this email sounds like to you and if i should continue contact with him (as he asks) or leave this as closure. thanks!!!

 

dear ***** (the initial email from me)

> i'm sorry for my last email. it was mean and unnecessary. i am also really sorry for not being there for you in the specific ways and moments that you may have needed. even though i may not have always shown it, i have tremendous respect for you: your intelligence, your strength, your sensitivity.

>

> there is no need to respond. please just know that i am wishing you every success, every joy, the coming-true of every dream.

 

always,

********

----------------

 

Dear *****, (his response a few days later)

 

thank you so much for your email. I'm so happy to hear from you. I already thought I lost you as a friend for good. That was a lot of pain on top of the break up pain. Don't worry about your last email. I think I deserved it. I ****ed up. I'm very sorry that I was such a bad boyfriend at the end.

 

What you are saying means a lot to me. And I hope you know that the same holds in the other direction. I always thought and felt in the highest terms of you in all respect of your beautiful being. And I deeply sorry if my behavior didn't always show that.

 

I hope that you are doing well. I'm not sure whether you would want that. But I would be very happy if we could be in touch again.

 

Yours forever,

*****

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What's to decipher :) it's written very clearly and not cryptic. If you are looking for hidden meanings well...only you know your partner :)

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thanks. i am not over the relationship. i am wondering if he is -- and whether or not i should continue contact as he asks. in other words, is it a set-up for heartbreak? might it lead to an eventual reconciliation? thanks!

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It's a nice ending. Kudos to you both for showing such maturity, but leave it at that and move forward with your life..

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yes. transatlantic romance, 1.5 years. first year together in one place, fell in love. he moved for work, fell apart...

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There is absolutely nothing in his reply to make me think he wants to get back together. Your junkie mind is working overtime overanalyzing, well nothing really.

 

Back to NC. Use this as an ending. Use this as closure..Time to move forward..Anything else you will end up hurting and back to square one.

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In that case, as distance is still an issue, i wouldn't rekindle anything at the moment because, it can easily lead you to having differing expectations. Imagine if you were friends and you secretly held out for the romance to blossom again while he was friends with you and dating others. It would be a potential minefield of unfullfilled hope and just heap on more issues for you to resent each other for. If it didn't work under similar circumstances last time...no one is to blame but it is just unlikely to work this time (noting he is not outright proposing a reconciliation).

Just because there is space and time apart doesn't rule out, and sometimes almost facilitates, a better meeting later down the line. This is all hypothetical and i don't mean for this to lead to building up ideas of the future with him. What i am saying is, that when what you really want is a relationship (lets not bs around about this), you both might actually scupper the chance of by becoming something else now. I only keep exes as friends (and i use the term loosely here) if i am sure i want nothing more.

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Sorry. Nice emails from the ex really really suck. But i guess you went looking for it. Unfortunatley stuff like this will mess you up for weeks or more and set you back inspite of the cordial exchange.

 

You need to stay NC at all cost. The goal is indifference. Dont lose sight of that. Once 110 percent indifferent you can risk these echanges if you want to. Cav

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I agree with Cav on that point. I feel fine mostly but not indifferent (huge difference). I'm feeling fine getting on with life without factoring him into my plans (except vicariously on LS but that's more to do with me than him) Anyhow :) i just had to see that my ex went to visit his female colleague in her hometown and whilst i was ok i was NOT indifferent: cue tailspin and all it's brothers and sisters. There are other exes and i am fine if they date, get married etc That is indifference...not holding out any hope of reconciliation.

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thanks! do you think my email reads like someone pathetically seeking their ex's attention? at the time that i sent it, i really just wanted a sweeter, more mature goodbye. and i actually used an email filter so i wouldn't see his reply. but the email slipped on through anyway. now i am just wondering - since i sent the original email - if he thinks i have moved on and so am ready for more regular contact. i am still in love with him...

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No not at all!! But only you know what the dynamic was in the relationship and whether or not you have veered to much to him. No both emails sound fine :)

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thanks! do you think my email reads like someone pathetically seeking their ex's attention? at the time that i sent it, i really just wanted a sweeter, more mature goodbye. and i actually used an email filter so i wouldn't see his reply. but the email slipped on through anyway. now i am just wondering - since i sent the original email - if he thinks i have moved on and so am ready for more regular contact. i am still in love with him...

 

It wasnt pathetic it just isnt what you need right now. Your still in love with him and not over it so you need to forget he exists. He is gone forever is the attitude you need to recover. Not be worrying about what he thinks ecetera. NC and purging him from your system like a disease is the reccomended cure.

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For me the email from your ex was to end the relationship on good terms. I did not sense at all that he wants to get back together. I received a similiar email from an ex years ago....

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@Inaya42

 

Just to elaborate a little, in my experience even though ultimately i did not want back with an ex, there were times i thought i did. I was younger and so i fought and fought for their attention and love. I didn't get it. Then when i got a life and was really ok without them, i guess they sensed i was more complete as a person and wanted me back (marriage the lot). My problem was co dependency when in a relationship, while i function really well as a single person. It's what i need to work on. Just sharing my experience about dynamics and power between people. Not saying it would have worked out in the long term had we rekindled.

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thanks. do you think my ex really wants me in he life or to develop a friendship or is just being polite? I may just be stubborn and thick-headed but I wonder if being friends at this juncture would actually be ok?

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so true, especially considering that he broke up with me. it was so awful. he could barely get out of all his reasons. in the end, he claimed it was the distance, that it was unbearable for him, that he was too distracted, that I was getting distant. that I'm the woman for him... I hate this ish... wish my heart would just release him. thanks, all!

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it means nothing, what is there to decipher? it says "thanks for apologizing, i'm over you and maybe we can be friends in the future". that's all it says.

 

friends,

 

i need help deciphering this email exchange. after 4 month of no contact i wrote to my ex to apologize for my final nasty email, some general bad behavior in the relationship (emotional tantrums, verbal attacks, act.) and to wish him well. he wrote back -- he was the dumper. LDR -- he couldn't do it, was mistreating me, missing me was unbearable, career was failing yada yada yada.

 

anyway, i'd just really love to get a sense of what this email sounds like to you and if i should continue contact with him (as he asks) or leave this as closure. thanks!!!

 

dear ***** (the initial email from me)

> i'm sorry for my last email. it was mean and unnecessary. i am also really sorry for not being there for you in the specific ways and moments that you may have needed. even though i may not have always shown it, i have tremendous respect for you: your intelligence, your strength, your sensitivity.

>

> there is no need to respond. please just know that i am wishing you every success, every joy, the coming-true of every dream.

 

always,

********

----------------

 

Dear *****, (his response a few days later)

 

thank you so much for your email. I'm so happy to hear from you. I already thought I lost you as a friend for good. That was a lot of pain on top of the break up pain. Don't worry about your last email. I think I deserved it. I ****ed up. I'm very sorry that I was such a bad boyfriend at the end.

 

What you are saying means a lot to me. And I hope you know that the same holds in the other direction. I always thought and felt in the highest terms of you in all respect of your beautiful being. And I deeply sorry if my behavior didn't always show that.

 

I hope that you are doing well. I'm not sure whether you would want that. But I would be very happy if we could be in touch again.

 

Yours forever,

*****

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