ozzie2410 Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Hi guys, this is my first post here and i really need some advice. Ive been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, from the first date we have always talked about the future(marriage,kids etc). Im 38 she is 29, we have both been previously married and also have a child from past partners. She left her husband to be with me, so I guess for the first6-12 months I thought there would be issues, and there has been. We live two hours away from each other, so we only see each other on weekends. She did say late last year that by Xmas she wanted to be living together, it hasnt happened, she has used different reasons when I have asked her about it, so now I dont even mention it. She will say we are making progress, but Im not sure how when nothing has really changed from the first date. We talk during the week, and see each other on weekends, I have offered to midweek visit form time to time but she said no, because her daughter is there. I understand this in some ways, but I guess if she wants us to be permantly together then the occasional midweek visit should be fine.. The main problems I am dealing with is how she is with her ex husband(not divorced yet). As i said before i expected early issues with the ex but almost two years on they still arise, a few examples are : Im not allowed to wash my car at her place simply because he might drive past and she said its a "rub in his face" so i didnt wash it I wasnt allowed to drive my car to her firends place to visit them because her ex was going to pick the daughter up from there and if he saw my car there its again "a rub in his face", I got really annoyed and said she was putting him first, she made a few reasons why and i just couldnt be bothered. This ex has known about me for almost a year and a half, never met him. She also told him all about her visit to hospital, I only got annoyed because he didnt need to know, as she was only there for 2 hours. I asked her about when she is getting divorced and her response now is " im in no hurry" and i said so for our future to grow I just have to wait and she said "yes". These are only a few things that have happened, i just need some sort of advice here as to what i should do, how do you approach things when with all this going on I feel like "somethings not right". Two years on and nothings changed, I love this girl very much, but am I waisitng my time. Is there any advice on how to test the strength of a relationship??? Please help guys Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 When you feel the person is distancing, it is better to work over 'cooling' the relationship down. <= the experience of a lot of people going through the relationship problems. By cooling I do not mean showing agression and etc. Cooling means indifference. When you panic and start asking how the person feels about you, about the future of both of you and etc. it might really cause problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozzie2410 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 I dont really understand what you mean. I just dont understand why at times she puts the ex before me(feelings).. Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I dont really understand what you mean. I just dont understand why at times she puts the ex before me(feelings).. Sorry, English is not my first language. I mean it is better to ask her for some time. So that you could be alone for a bit. If your gut feeling tells you something is wrong, take 50 to 50 rule (partly it is your imagination, partly you are right). So if you feel something is strange about her and her ex, then, most likely, you're partly right about it. Link to post Share on other sites
McGriff Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I hate to say it, but you started a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable, and now you are paying the price. She still has attachment to her husband, as proven through her actions. She hasn't closed the book on that chapter, and has not dealt with her feelings regarding that yet, and that's not good for your relationship. She is obviously in a holding pattern, waiting to see what's gonna happen with her husband, and they have a kid so they're obviously talking. The writings on the wall bud, you may want to cash in your chips now or risk much heartbreak down the line. Cut your losses, and let her end that chapter of her life. It could be months or years before she does so. Do you want to hang around and be on the back burner for that long? I know it's hard, but that's why you don't date married people. Link to post Share on other sites
i.am Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Did you ask her why she is not in a hurry to proceed with the divorce? I'm guessing it may be for the sake of her daughter? Link to post Share on other sites
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