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How do I forget him?


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youngnlove89

This morning I woke up with a heavy ache lodged between my ribs. As soon as my eyes opened, it stumbled in a place where fingers cannot reach. It sings quietly, fervently. The tune is a slow-building monster, so hauntingly beautiful that it hurts to listen.

 

A less brave person would dare to confess, but I sit here stripped bare of my emotions with a blanket of vulnerability. The damned truth is that I miss him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the places his fingers don't linger anymore. I miss the timbre of his laugh, the warmth of his smile and it's everlasting tenacity to remind me. It was him that I lost.

 

It feels odd to miss a person so passionately, so insanely — but I do. Inside my heart there is a war, fought between loving and missing him.

 

I'm held hostage by my own fickle heart. Do this, do that. Don't. My heart is on fire, blazing red and I am the willing, foolish moth, clinging to the heat of my purest addiction. Him.

 

Love allows for the mess. The silences, the stumbling, the Captain Morgan at three am, when you have to be at work by seven. Love is a second cup of coffee in the morning. Love is a phone call at 6:30 am. Love is there, even when the light’s off. Even when your back is turned. Even when you try to pry it out of your heart. This is not a lesson. This is just the truth.

 

Even the sunlight reminds me of him.

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youngnlove89

Woke up at 6:30. Tried to fall back asleep, but my mind aches without you. Tried to bury the thoughts of you under my pillow. Couldn't.

 

Got dressed, brushed my messy hair, searched for me keys. Went to go grab some coffee. Tried to leave those thoughts at the coffee shop. Should've.

 

Came home, did laundry. Cleaned, did the dishes. Tried to wash away my thoughts. Can't.

 

Made some lunch. Thought of you. Tried to starve my thoughts. Won't.

 

Listened to music. Tried not to hear you in the lyrics. Wouldn't.

 

Almost dialed your number. Stopped. Almost dialed. Stopped. Put the phone down. Picked it up. Put it down again. Stared at it. Talked myself in and out of calling a hundred times. Forgot why I shouldn’t. Forgot everything but your voice. Picked up the phone.

 

Couldn’t.

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youngnlove89
Don't do it.

 

I won't. I promise. But it's just the thought process I have to deal with every day.

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The mind and the heart are funny sometimes. You posted in another thread about 'mutual attraction' yesterday. I'm not a stalker BTW, I just like your writing style. Let's just say hypothetically the hunk you had your eye on in that thread (mutual attraction) approached you in the exact way you would have loved. You both got on great, have loads in common and you arrange to meet for dinner next week. In the meantime you text each other and there is a certain electricity in the air.

 

Let's just say things happened like that. Do you think you would have posted the new thread above today? Hell No!!!!!!The guy you hoped to have a chat with didn't seem interested, so what do we do in this scenario? We go back to our shells, back into our vulnerability and put our ex's on an even bigger pedestal that they were already. This pedestal is 'false'. It's just the mind playing tricks and the heart backing it up.

 

The VERY slightest setback has us romanticising just how 'amazing' our ex's were. Hindsight is awesome. When time passes and we get clarity we think to ourselves were they really that awesome???NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Just try imagine what it would have been like if the hunk you liked, liked you back......It's a very different thread you post today right?

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youngnlove89
The mind is funny. You posted another thread about mutual attraction yesterday. I'm not a stalker BTW I just like your writing style. Let's just say hypothetically the hunk you had your eye on in that thread (mutual attraction) approached you in the exact way you would have loved. You both got on great, have loads in common and you arrange to meet for dinner next week. In the meantime you text each other and there is a certain electricity in the air.

 

Let's just say things happened like that. Do you think you would have posted the new thread above? Hell No! The guy you hoped to have a chat with didn't seem interested so what do we do in this scenario? We go back to our shells, back into our vulnerability and put our ex's on an even bigger pedestal that they were already. This pedestal is 'false'. It's just the mind playing tricks and the heart backing it up.

 

The VERY slightest setback has us romanticising just how 'amazing' our ex's were. Hindsight is awesome. When time passes and we get clarity we think to ourselves were they really that awesome???NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Just try imagine what it would have been like if the hunk you liked, liked you back......It's a very different thread you post today right?

 

 

Hmm. You are right. Thank you for putting it that way.

 

But my heart still hurts and I just hate this. Why do I have so much feeling?

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Why do I have so much feeling?

 

The mind and especially the heart have difficulty in letting go. That 'magic' that was once there, the things you said to each other, the incredible memories...That is just so hard to let go.

 

It's even harder to let go when you weren't the one who saw the ending coming..

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Esoteric Elf
This morning I woke up with a heavy ache lodged between my ribs. As soon as my eyes opened, it stumbled in a place where fingers cannot reach. It sings quietly, fervently. The tune is a slow-building monster, so hauntingly beautiful that it hurts to listen.

 

A less brave person would dare to confess, but I sit here stripped bare of my emotions with a blanket of vulnerability. The damned truth is that I miss him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the places his fingers don't linger anymore. I miss the timbre of his laugh, the warmth of his smile and it's everlasting tenacity to remind me. It was him that I lost.

 

It feels odd to miss a person so passionately, so insanely — but I do. Inside my heart there is a war, fought between loving and missing him.

 

I'm held hostage by my own fickle heart. Do this, do that. Don't. My heart is on fire, blazing red and I am the willing, foolish moth, clinging to the heat of my purest addiction. Him.

 

Love allows for the mess. The silences, the stumbling, the Captain Morgan at three am, when you have to be at work by seven. Love is a second cup of coffee in the morning. Love is a phone call at 6:30 am. Love is there, even when the light’s off. Even when your back is turned. Even when you try to pry it out of your heart. This is not a lesson. This is just the truth.

 

Even the sunlight reminds me of him.

Now who the hell says that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all??

 

Nicely written, girl. Your words are chosen in such a way that I can empathize with you despite never having been remotely in a situation as that. Hope the pertinacity of the pain abates.

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I won't. I promise. But it's just the thought process I have to deal with every day.

 

This is the thought process every dumpee goes through. You should have just stuck to your guns and went through this phase a year ago. But you're here now and the first few weeks are always the worst. Once you get through this period though, it gets easier. If you do wind up cracking and talking to him, you're going to be right here, back at square one.

 

I can tell you're not happy feeling this way at all, so get through it. Keep going and don't look back.

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The mind and especially the heart have difficulty in letting go. That 'magic' that was once there, the things you said to each other, the incredible memories...That is just so hard to let go.

 

It's even harder to let go when you weren't the one who saw the ending coming..

 

Blah. I know what you and OP mean. I can totally sympathize. It's those feel-good, heart-melting moments that hurt the most and they sneak up right at the worst times too. You can be doing just fine, you could be far along in the NC streak and then out of nowhere, BAM the sadness and vulnerability just hits. But I find that coming to accept that this happens and is inevitable makes me deal with it better.

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Stay away from the Captain Morgan, that will just make it worse.

 

Can you distract yourself in a hobby, friends, family, anything....?

 

I hurt. I don't know how to get away from this emotional fog today.
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youngnlove89
Stay away from the Captain Morgan, that will just make it worse.

 

Can you distract yourself in a hobby, friends, family, anything....?

 

I have and the distractions last a little bit, but not long enough. I went out with friends last night and met new people and then started crying for no reason (I had been drinking a little too much and my emotions got the best of me). I'm not that type either who seeks attention, I just literally broke down. I was embarrassed. A bartender was really nice and came up to me and offered me a chair and said "pretty girls like you shouldn't ever have to sit on the ground" and he wanted to know why I was crying.

 

But I just longed for him, my ex. The thing is, nothing will help this go by any faster. I just have to go through it.

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The thing is, nothing will help this go by any faster. I just have to go through it.

 

This about sums it up. Bummer. Sorry. Cav

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all_cats_rgray

I love your post , because I feel the same.

 

I tried dating, but i guess to soon and the wrong people.

 

I'v heard, the pain stops when your obsessive thoughts are redirected at a new love.

 

BTW this is in no was go out there and find someone, anyone post.

 

Its just im starting to believe you will only feel better when you meet someone that you feel is better then your ex.

 

BUT work on being single. Work on being happy alone, AKA, finding things that fill this void. Don't replace it with another "man". Replace it with volunteering, and productive activates.

 

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!

 

lost love is a bitch. Nevermore.

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Been there...I completely understand.

 

Keep it up with the distractions, although a hobby or volunteering might be better than the bars for the time being.

 

Do you have a break up buddy? They are great if they really want the job.

 

I have one; right here on LS as a matter of fact. I owe her deeply for all the help and support she provided and likewise I do the same for her.

 

If you have a friend that is up to you calling anytime you have the need (keep in mind it has to be one hell of a friend, cause they are going to hear a lot from you any time of day or night) it can help you in real time.

 

 

I have and the distractions last a little bit, but not long enough. I went out with friends last night and met new people and then started crying for no reason (I had been drinking a little too much and my emotions got the best of me). I'm not that type either who seeks attention, I just literally broke down. I was embarrassed. A bartender was really nice and came up to me and offered me a chair and said "pretty girls like you shouldn't ever have to sit on the ground" and he wanted to know why I was crying.

 

But I just longed for him, my ex. The thing is, nothing will help this go by any faster. I just have to go through it.

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youngnlove89

Thank you. I definitely won't consider dating for awhile, the thought is nice but I know I won't be ready. I will only date again when I no longer have feelings for him.

 

I miss him dearly.

 

I love your post , because I feel the same.

 

I tried dating, but i guess to soon and the wrong people.

 

I'v heard, the pain stops when your obsessive thoughts are redirected at a new love.

 

BTW this is in no was go out there and find someone, anyone post.

 

Its just im starting to believe you will only feel better when you meet someone that you feel is better then your ex.

 

BUT work on being single. Work on being happy alone, AKA, finding things that fill this void. Don't replace it with another "man". Replace it with volunteering, and productive activates.

 

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!

 

lost love is a bitch. Nevermore.

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