I knew you would miss me!!!!!!!!!!

[Infnitysign]

She broke up with me in the end of March because for the past week or so I was too needy and insecure about her co-workers.

 

She said that we were just a rude distraction and a small coincidence that happened in her life. I cried myself to sleep every night for a week and thought about how did 3 years of love go down the drain.

 

For that whole week of crying I would bombard her phone with sappy and emotional messages about how she could be so cold. She just told me "Dude stop this is useless and awkward". She said "We are never and weren't going to work out anyways".

 

Those two sentences broke my heart and I grew cold and I just hated everything and I just told her I accept the break up and hope she does well.

 

I went NC got hammered and come home late and just started grabbing everything that reminded me of her and threw it in the grill and turned it on.

 

For the the next two week of April I promised myself I would value myself more than anyone I would love. I quit smoking, went to the gym, ate better food, and quit drinking. Went out and bought clothes that 'I' like and best of all I whitened my teeth so I could smile all the time.

 

All my friends told her how much I love and changed myself and how I am happier than ever and she came running back to me like I was her GOD. I said no and told her how she broke my heart and I said sorry that I valued her too much.

 

I love her very much, but now I love myself more than her and now she's coming over always trying to hang out and touch me and go where I go like it used to be.

 

I AM LOVING HOW I HAVE CONTROL BY ONLY FOCUSING ON MYSELF!!!!!

 

Thanks LV for all your stories and now I have mine

[Keenly]

Just make sure you never.... ever take her back.....

 

Maybe some hate sex haha.

[Infnitysign]

Just make sure you never.... ever take her back.....

 

Maybe some hate sex haha.

 

Been having a lot of that the past couple days.

[mammasita]

Good for you! Kick her butt to the curb.

[mammasita]

Been having a lot of that the past couple days.

Meh, I posted too soon.....now you're stooping to her level. Go find some new a55.

[Infnitysign]

Meh, I posted too soon.....now you're stooping to her level. Go find some new a55.

 

Her level? LOL

 

Her level is something I can't even describe. Imagine the combining all the people you know that are spiteful, narcissist, and manipulative and I mean all of the people that you know that have these traits and put them into one person.

[geegirl]

Her level? LOL

 

Her level is something I can't even describe. Imagine the combining all the people you know that are spiteful, narcissist, and manipulative and I mean all of the people that you know that have these traits and put them into one person.

 

And you are sleeping with that. My dad used to say, when you hang around pigs, you start to smell like one.

 

Besides, I hardly believe you're just having hate sex. Only weeks ago you were heartbroken.

 

The only reason you feel power is because she's at your feet. If she left today, you'll be back to square on. Unless there is a way to grieve and heal from a 3 year relationship within a month. Impossible.

[Infnitysign]

And you are sleeping with that. My dad used to say, when you hang around pigs, you start to smell like one.

 

Besides, I hardly believe you're just having hate sex. Only weeks ago you were heartbroken.

 

The only reason you feel power is because she's at your feet. If she left today, you'll be back to square on. Unless there is a way to grieve and heal from a 3 year relationship within a month. Impossible.

 

Maybe people just have a different way of realizing and putting things together and I'm pretty sure I won't be that needy and insecure person anymore this is just to great of an discovery for me and I'm not gonna squander it.

[geegirl]

Maybe people just have a different way of realizing and putting things together and I'm pretty sure I won't be that needy and insecure person anymore this is just to great of an discovery for me and I'm not gonna squander it.

 

If someone is as manipulative, narcissistic and spiteful as she is, your choice to continue engaging with her, speaks highly of your sense of value and self-respect within yourself. A strong minded person would stay away from someone like that. You my friend, are in deep denial. It speaks about who you are to want someone like this in your life.

 

I call BS about this new sense of control. Control would have been you taking charge of your life, continuing on your journey to heal (no one heals in one month after a 3 year relationship) and making a conscious choice to never allow someone with such ugly traits into your life again.

 

Insecurity stems from lack of self-esteem. Change does not happen over night, or in a month.

 

In any case, good luck to you.

[Infnitysign]

If someone is as manipulative, narcissistic and spiteful as she is, your choice to continue engaging with her, speaks highly of your sense of value and self-respect within yourself. A strong minded person would stay away from someone like that. You my friend, are in deep denial. It speaks about who you are to want someone like this in your life.

 

I call BS about this new sense of control. Control would have been you taking charge of your life, continuing on your journey to heal (no one heals in one month after a 3 year relationship) and making a conscious choice to never allow someone with such ugly traits into your life again.

 

Insecurity stems from lack of self-esteem. Change does not happen over night, or in a month.

 

In any case, good luck to you.

 

Maybe only for weak mended people, but it seems like you are saying I am weak minded and don't have self control. My healing doesn't and shouldn't come from the person who hurts me and I realized that already.

 

My self-respect has already gone through the roof and I'm not surprised that it seems like a surprise to others that I can do what I can do. Maybe it hurtful that I am still keeping her in my life, but I am training her. If that makes any sense.

 

Maybe I've grown cold and just accepted to be just as cold as she is, but our world isn't a fairy tale and everything is always not what it seems.

[geegirl]

Maybe only for weak mended people, but it seems like you are saying I am weak minded and don't have self control. My healing doesn't and shouldn't come from the person who hurts me and I realized that already.

 

My self-respect has already gone through the roof and I'm not surprised that it seems like a surprise to others that I can do what I can do. Maybe it hurtful that I am still keeping her in my life, but I am training her. If that makes any sense.

 

Maybe I've grown cold and just accepted to be just as cold as she is, but our world isn't a fairy tale and everything is always not what it seems.

 

Training her? Someone with those traits aren't trainable. Nor do they change. She's not a dog. She changes into better person because SHE wants to. Not because you want to teach her new tricks. Infact getting involved with someone like that only ruins your self-esteem and diminishes your sense of respect for yourself, and that's how you got here in the first place. But yes, go back to what once harmed you.

 

You've just changed yourself into a cold person because of her. Yes, this is the sign of a person that is in full control and is in touch with who he is.

 

I know life is not a fairy tale. It's about making smart choices for yourself when you know someone is bad for you. What you are doing is living in a fairy tale by wanting to "train" someone.

 

As I said, you're in denial and finding every which way to justify going back to a toxic person. It has everything to do with the inability to create healthy boundaries for yourself and the inability to seek better for yourself and realize you deserve better.

 

I'm sorry you have chosen to turn cold because in order to be with her, you have to be like her. She is in control.

Edited April 16, 2013 by geegirl

[mtnbiker3000]

Hey Gee - You seem wise/experienced. How old are ya? Just curious because I find myself seeking the support and advice from people in my own age bracket on this forum. BTW - I be 41

[geegirl]

Hey Gee - You seem wise/experienced. How old are ya? Just curious because I find myself seeking the support and advice from people in my own age bracket on this forum. BTW - I be 41

 

I be 42 in August

[Infnitysign]

Training her? Someone with those traits aren't trainable. She's not a dog. She changes into better person because SHE wants to. Not because you want to teach her new tricks. Infact getting involved with someone like that only ruins your self-esteem and diminishes your sense of respect for yourself, and that's how you got here in the first place. But yes, go back to what once harmed you.

 

You've just changed yourself into a cold person because of her. Yes, this is the sign of a person that is in full control and is in touch with who he is. I know life is not a fairy tale. It's about making smart choices for yourself when you know someone is bad for you. What you are doing is living in a fairy tale by wanting to "train" someone.

 

As I said, you're in denial and finding every which way to justify going back to a toxic person. It has everything to do with the inability to create healthy boundaries for yourself and the inability to seek better for yourself and realize you deserve better.

 

I'm sorry you have chosen to turn cold because in order to be with her, you have to be like her. She is in control.

 

She did harm me, but I probably know in the back of my mind that most of the hurt probably came from my actions and things I said to get answers from her. Like the saying goes "don't ask if you don't want to know the answer".

 

Being a cold person might be weak to your eyes, but it is just to natural to be cold when its done to you. In our world the bad out weighs the good and thats how I see it now. Some might say that the good out weighs the bad, but every turn is hard and its better to not give a shiat about people anymore.

 

Maybe seeking to better myself was too hard and I just took action instead of thinking and I've missed that in myself. Being able to take action in my life instead of spending days thinking over it and compare decisions when I should just act upon it.

[geegirl]

Being cold isn't about being weak or not, if it has been your nature, then that is who you are. But changing yourself to adapt to someone else, especially changing yourself from who you naturally are, yes. You have chosen to become an extension of someone else because you are unable to be intouch and appreciate your own qualities and values.

 

You sound very jaded. And that in itself is a sign of someone that hasn't gotten to a level of healing that allows them to see things in a positive light but more so a bitter casting of how bad the world is because deep down he's still hurting.

 

You will go through your own journey and learn in your own way. Good luck to you.

[Infnitysign]

Being cold isn't about being weak or not, if it has been your nature, then that is who you are. But changing yourself to adapt to someone else, especially changing yourself from who you naturally are, yes. You have chosen to become an extension of someone else because you are unable to be intouch and appreciate your own qualities and values.

 

You sound very jaded. And that in itself is a sign of someone that hasn't gotten to a level of healing that allows them to see things in a positive light but more so a bitter casting of how bad the world is because deep down he's still hurting.

 

You will go through your own journey and learn in your own way. Good luck to you.

 

Thanks for trying to make me see the better light in the world, but I've just rather have it this way.

[mtnbiker3000]

I be 42 in August

 

Though so... If I may ask, married? divorced? Recent BU?

 

Me: Together 3 years. Engaged 18 months. Distancing for quite a while. 3 months BU. 1 month NC

[Cogee]

In my experience, when someone is very excited to proclaim how much they have changed and tell everyone about it, it means they are trying to cover up how bad they truly are feeling. Change takes time to stick and although you have made some changes, and feel good about some things, you have to be level headed.

 

Turning cold and taking pride in it is not exactly something I would call a positive development.

[geegirl]

Though so... If I may ask, married? divorced? Recent BU?

 

Me: Together 3 years. Engaged 18 months. Distancing for quite a while. 3 months BU. 1 month NC

 

Married: Been there.

Divorced: Been there.

Recent BU: New Years day, 2011. Caught him cheating.

[Infnitysign]

In my experience, when someone is very excited to proclaim how much they have changed and tell everyone about it, it means they are trying to cover up how bad they truly are feeling. Change takes time to stick and although you have made some changes, and feel good about some things, you have to be level headed.

 

Turning cold and taking pride in it is not exactly something I would call a positive development.

 

Feels better than crying every night for months and pleading and begging. I did too much of that in my life and I'd rather be the one people beg for. I might be cold but I haven't felt this good in years.

[Cogee]

Feels better than crying every night for months and pleading and begging. I did too much of that in my life and I'd rather be the one people beg for. I might be cold but I haven't felt this good in years.

 

I understand where you are coming from but the feeling of having someone beg for you is only a temporary high that will actually turn into repulsion as time goes on. You are better off ditching her completely and finding "new a55", as mammasita so eloquently put it.

[Infnitysign]

I understand where you are coming from but the feeling of having someone beg for you is only a temporary high that will actually turn into repulsion as time goes on. You are better off ditching her completely and finding "new a55", as mammasita so eloquently put it.

 

I'm fine with any outcome either good or bad and I'm ready to deal with it however it comes. Maybe when it gets bad I'll do the ditching and find new a55. Until then I want my cake and eat it too.

[geegirl]

And i believe you are the in-house psychiatrist... Here's a guy who's actually doing and you wish to tell him that he's jaded. frankly I dont understand this condescending talk that some members give to people around here.

 

DID U EVEN READ HIS POST. he is doing good and he has the ex, what he choses to do with her is his problem. Are u jealous that it didnt happen to you.

 

Grow up people and I say this to everyone on LS who tries to bully people with psycho-babble and try to confuse them with what and what not to do

 

Why would I be jealous about him going back to a narcissistic, manipulative and spiteful person? It's senseless for you to describe that as me being jealous. And no I am not jealous because I am in a relationship with a loving and kind man. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

No one was bullying him. When I said he sounded jaded, that was because he changed himself to being a cold person 1) because of her 2) because he sees the world as such a bad place due to his hurt. When you've reached a better place, emotionally, things start to get brighter, not bleaker. And when you have the capacity to find your self again through healing, you become yourself again, you don't become your ex.

 

It's not psycho babble. It's the experience of being hurt, pained and dissappointed in life. Lessons learned. We've all be through what he has and he can take the advice or he can leave it. No one is attacking him or putting him down. It may come off as harsh, but certainly not from a place that wants to put him down but more to wake him up.

 

I'm sorry you see everything I say as an attack but I have had many that have PM'd me for help and thanked me for the kick in the butt. So I must be doing something right. If you see me as this vicious, jealous witch, so be it.

 

I will not be engaging you anymore. Good luck on your journey.

Edited April 16, 2013 by geegirl

[Infnitysign]

I've gotten my butt kicked lots of time either with words or fists. It has become the same in one and anyone that has the time to post either agreeing or disagreeing with me probably cares enough to spend a minute to give their piece of mind.

[Mack05]

Mutant I don't particularly see eye to eye with Geegirl but her advice is genuine and I truly believe she comes here to help people as best she can. That is what most of us do. No one claims to be a professional. I personally think she gives great advice and is caring about the people she replies too.

 

Most people (including Geegirl) don't mean to ruffle feathers. I think the advice given should be taken as an attempt to try 'help'. It doesn't have to be taken or adhered too. Sometimes there are disagreements on the site. IMO that is ok, as long as people are genuine and their advice is given to 'help'.

 

I come across VERY few posters who come here to put people down...Do you really think geegirl came onto this thread to put the boot in?