Love my Boyfriend so much, But might have to End it.

[artchick88]

 

My partner and I have been together for 2.5 yrs, living together for 2 years.

During the 2 years of our relationship I thought for sure he was going to be my husband someday soon. I love this man dearly and passionately, but part of his personality is (i have realized) a deal-breaker for me.

 

He has tremendous amounts of great qualities that make me want to spend the rest of my life with him and some that make me really second guess it all.

 

He has a short temper when it comes to dealing with people that he thinks are stupid, rude, not fair, etc. He doesn't like to "take sh*t from anyone," and while his outbursts of arrogant defiance are not directed toward me, it really bothers me to hear him bully people on the phone (like for bills, etc) and he has a very difficult time getting along with colleagues and I will be quitting school soon because he can't seem to keep his mouth shut and thinks everyone is an idiot. It makes me uncomfortable and also I fear that if we get married he won't be able to keep a steady job.

He thinks his behavior is justified because he is "sticking up for himself."

 

I will tell him this needs to change (as I have before) this time letting him know I'm considering ending it. I know we both want to be together and he will most likely realize I need him to change, but it's such a part of how he has been for so long I fear he cannot change.

 

I am so sad and heartbroken thinking of leaving him, but I am scared of what the future might look like with him if he continues to be an arrogant jerk to others.

 

Any advice/comments are helpful.

I am 24, he is 34.

[CompleteFailure]

Is it verbal abuse, or is he just very passionate about what he's arguing about? Because if it's verbal abuse it sounds like maybe he is overcompensating and just angry about something in general.

 

To be honest, if he treats people that way who he thinks are stupid, rude, not fair etc.. what happens if over the next couple decades he decides you are one of those people? You'd be walking on eggshells around him all the time, that's stressful.

 

The fact that you've acknowledged it as a deal-breaker for you and are contemplating leaving him, says that it is a serious issue. If he still doesn't "listen" to what you're saying, ask if he'd be willing to go for couples therapy with you. Don't make it about him, make it about you wanting to go and him being there to support you.

 

The worlds a nasty place, people in general are nasty. I really see no problem with his behavior if it isn't directed to you. Let the guy be a man.

 

Sure it isn't anything else besides this petty issue?

 

Being a man isn't about giving other people who don't deserve sh.t, sh.t. That's being a spoiled prick.

[artchick88]

Is it verbal abuse, or is he just very passionate about what he's arguing about? Because if it's verbal abuse it sounds like maybe he is overcompensating and just angry about something in general.

 

To be honest, if he treats people that way who he thinks are stupid, rude, not fair etc.. what happens if over the next couple decades he decides you are one of those people? You'd be walking on eggshells around him all the time, that's stressful.

 

The fact that you've acknowledged it as a deal-breaker for you and are contemplating leaving him, says that it is a serious issue. If he still doesn't "listen" to what you're saying, ask if he'd be willing to go for couples therapy with you. Don't make it about him, make it about you wanting to go and him being there to support you.

 

He's recently had an incident at work and it is compromising his professional pursuits and is just really stressful overall and tonight was the first time he fully accepted the need to change and the DESIRE to change which is HUGE for him and us.

He has always been too defensive in the past to admit it is a problem but I think he has finally realized he can't go anywhere in life treating people like sh*t just because he feels like he should/can.

I told him for the first time (AFTER he said he wanted to change) that the trait would potentially break us apart and that I couldn't stay together if it didn't change.

 

I do want to be with this man for the long-haul and hopefully he really can work on himself for both of us.

 

thanks for your thoughtful input.

[CompleteFailure]

This might come across pushy but if you're serious, be serious. Now that he's aware, don't let him brush it off. I'm not saying to be a nag about it, be supportive and encouraging. Look for ways to help him and than approach him about it so that he feels safe expressing his own concerns and safe within your relationship. Just make sure it's not all talk and no action.