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What's the worst emotion for you right now?


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mtnbiker3000

For me, right now it's the rejection. Been with this girl for 3 years. Always tried to be good to her, and love her the best I could. Then, for whatever reason(s) she decides she wants to be by herself or find someone else. I am no longer what she wants. Man this is tough to swallow, at least today. I'm sure tomorrow or next week it will be something else driving me crazy.

 

 

I am also angry because, looking back, I am now unsure of how she really ever felt about me. Feels like she had an alternate agenda to dating me. I feel deceived and I am not sure where the deception starts and stops.

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Infnitysign
For me, right now it's the rejection. Been with this girl for 3 years. Always tried to be good to her, and love her the best I could. Then, for whatever reason(s) she decides she wants to be by herself or find someone else. I am no longer what she wants. Man this is tough to swallow, at least today. I'm sure tomorrow or next week it will be something else driving me crazy.

 

 

I am also angry because, looking back, I am now unsure of how she really ever felt about me. Feels like she had an alternate agenda to dating me. I feel deceived and I am not sure where the deception starts and stops.

 

She loved who you used to be. You were confident and self assured and you were a leader to her and now you've become an emotional tampon to her. This is why she left you so you dont have to ask her yourself. You held her higher than you. You didnt value yourself enough and she didnt want to value someone who dont care of themselves and this drove her away. You were always looking for acceptance and asking if she loves you. You were too insecure and needy and she cant handle it anymore and this is the hard truth . It not her its you and all your fault for pedalstaling her and not valuing yourself.

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I agree with you 100%. :D

 

I guess, the worst thing I am afraid of is felling back in a deep love with my ex. I mean, I accept the fact that he does not want me as much as before. And realizing that the person is not that into you just kind of frees you emotionally.

 

Currently I'm very happy with my life even without having the person I love in it. I feel like if I'll get too much into him, I'll start panicing and feeling miserable.

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mtnbiker3000

She loved who you used to be. You were confident and self assured and you were a leader to her and now you've become an emotional tampon to her. This is why she left you so you dont have to ask her yourself. You held her higher than you.

 

Yes, there is some truth here!!

 

You didnt value yourself enough and she didnt want to value someone who dont care of themselves and this drove her away. You were always looking for acceptance and asking if she loves you. You were too insecure and needy and she cant handle it anymore and this is the hard truth . It not her its you and all your fault for pedalstaling her and not valuing yourself.

 

Nah, this is not true. Never asked her if she loved me. And definitely not insecure... But I do get what your saying, and I do agree.

 

Got to be careful and not let them always know exactly how you feel. I mentioned this in a previous thread. Got to maintain some mystery and leave them questioning your thoughts and feelings. I did lay it out too much, especially at the end

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Infnitysign

Thats great that my second point dosent include you. That means you do value yourself more than you value love from someone else.

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Biker,

 

I know how you feel, you have mentioned not letting your partner know how you totally "feel bout them" in many threads. In hindsight this may be your case, especially if you laid it on too thick, however do not make it a general rule as lack of complete communication and vision of the future can equally work against you. Trying to game in deciding what is right, wrong, partially good, partially bad takes away from YOU being YOU.

 

Just an opinion...

 

 

Got to be careful and not let them always know exactly how you feel. I mentioned this in a previous thread. Got to maintain some mystery and leave them questioning your thoughts and feelings. I did lay it out too much, especially at the end

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Feelin Frisky

Frustration with powerlessness when I've made a couple of discoveries that have the potential to change national and global debate.

 

I'm past 55. I could be depressed about being single. But I have taken medicine that seems to sharpen my mind and thus I'm busy almost all the time problem-solving with the perspective of a man who has lived though the "Cuban Missile Crisis" the Assassination of the Kennedies and King, the coming and going of the Beatles, the coming of the personal computer and the going of millions of office jobs that used to involve rubber stamps, staples, pneumatic tubes and ticker tape. I very much like some folks on Love Shake but others insult me though I was 35 when they were sucking pacifiers. I'm learning to remind myself not to invest any emotion in such wastes of time. But lately there are such serious things afoot in the country that I forget myself and try to share my perceptions here. Except for some heart-warming encouragement from a few folks, I seem to act as a human "lint-roller" attracting the kind of comments and sympathies worth less than lint. So, frustration with discovery and powerlessness to influence anyone on any import to factory my hypotheses into their debates or dialogues is irritating. It's probably over-compensation for loneliness but I can't will a woman into my life--at least one who lives at least somewhere near me who doesn't have a tramp stamp on her ass and a confederate flag on her gun rack in the back of her pickup truck. .

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mtnbiker3000
Biker,

 

I know how you feel, you have mentioned not letting your partner know how you totally "feel bout them" in many threads. In hindsight this may be your case, especially if you laid it on too thick, however do not make it a general rule as lack of complete communication and vision of the future can equally work against you. Trying to game in deciding what is right, wrong, partially good, partially bad takes away from YOU being YOU.

 

Just an opinion...

 

Agreed!! Sometimes it seems so easy to derive conclusions looking back at a RS, but they are so complex!! Every time I think I figure out something from one RS, it backfires or is not relevant in the next. Honestly, I don't really know what to do different in the future. And that scares the crap out of me :(

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She loved who you used to be. You were confident and self assured and you were a leader to her and now you've become an emotional tampon to her. This is why she left you so you dont have to ask her yourself. You held her higher than you. You didnt value yourself enough and she didnt want to value someone who dont care of themselves and this drove her away. You were always looking for acceptance and asking if she loves you. You were too insecure and needy and she cant handle it anymore and this is the hard truth . It not her its you and all your fault for pedalstaling her and not valuing yourself.

 

This post not only attacks the OP for no constructive purpose, but it also relies on three compounding assumptions that I find to be untrue.

 

1.) All women are the same. Anyone who has met more than one woman can testify that this is false.

2.) All women, who are the same, don't like emotional men. While, granted sometimes this CAN be true, almost all women want to know that their significant other cares for them and wants them to care back.

3.) All women, who are the same, and don't like emotional men, are totally blameless in the breakup. As I believe anyone can agree, except in extreme circumstances, no breakup is EVER entirely one person's fault.

 

And OP; the emotion I feel the strongest in the midst of my breakup is disappointment. I'm disappointed that what I thought was perfect wasn't perfect for the love of my life.

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mtnbiker3000
This post not only attacks the OP for no constructive purpose, but it also relies on three compounding assumptions that I find to be untrue.

 

1.) All women are the same. Anyone who has met more than one woman can testify that this is false.

2.) All women, who are the same, don't like emotional men. While, granted sometimes this CAN be true, almost all women want to know that their significant other cares for them and wants them to care back.

3.) All women, who are the same, and don't like emotional men, are totally blameless in the breakup. As I believe anyone can agree, except in extreme circumstances, no breakup is EVER entirely one person's fault.

 

And OP; the emotion I feel the strongest in the midst of my breakup is disappointment. I'm disappointed that what I thought was perfect wasn't perfect for the love of my life.

 

Yes, I can relate to disappointment as well. In fact, every 2 or 3 days, I find a new emotion to deal with. And then back around to the beginning again. It's never ending :p

 

I still think anybody (my ex, myself and everyone on LS) craves a challenge in their partner, and as soon as they feel the challenge is gone. the RS is over! I really feel that is the main reason my ex left. I let her know, especially at the end, that I was here and not going anywhere, and she realized that. Challenge over = RS over. I am determined to remain a challenge in my next RS...

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I see your point! I think I believe something similar too. I think for me the fact that the challenge is over really sets in for the other person when you become too comfortable in the relationship, and stop doing little things that offer them some surprise every now and then.

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Mtn,

 

I'm not sure i agree with the whole "no challenge-no relationship" idea. Don't get me wrong, in the dating process, I think it's absolutely necessary to remain a challenge. But I think once you get into an LTR (at least a Sid one without games), challenge tends to dissipate. I think at that point better words would be balance and boundaries. Balance being that the two parties are in the same place and each giving an equal 100%. Not one giving 100%, and the other only 50-75%. And boundaries (probably THE most important thing for men especially), are self explanatory.

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biggysmilez

for me it is loneliness. i can't distinguish if it is just general loneliness or the specific loneliness associated with the loss of my ex-boyfriend or, more likely, a combination of the two. i currently live in a place where i don't have good friends and my ex- and i were best friends, so a lot of my social life left with him. i try to look forward to the future and moving to a bigger place where i can find strong connections to people and also try to enjoy the freedom of being alone. but it is hard. it seems like i've always been searching for a mate and now i'm reunited with my good friend longing once again.

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mtnbiker3000
Mtn,

 

I'm not sure i agree with the whole "no challenge-no relationship" idea. Don't get me wrong, in the dating process, I think it's absolutely necessary to remain a challenge. But I think once you get into an LTR (at least a Sid one without games), challenge tends to dissipate. I think at that point better words would be balance and boundaries. Balance being that the two parties are in the same place and each giving an equal 100%. Not one giving 100%, and the other only 50-75%. And boundaries (probably THE most important thing for men especially), are self explanatory.

 

Yeah, maybe 'challenge' is the wrong word/idea. I like your idea of balance. Definitely was getting more and more one sided in my RS. I was still pushing 90%+, but she dropped down to like 30% or below... It was always me giving more than her. I guess that should have been a red flag. But I didn't care. I was in love and I wanted it to work :(

 

Indulge me on what 'boundaries' you are referring to??

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mtnbiker3000
I see your point! I think I believe something similar too. I think for me the fact that the challenge is over really sets in for the other person when you become too comfortable in the relationship, and stop doing little things that offer them some surprise every now and then.

 

I think in my RS it was the opposite. I kept doing/giving little things and gestures and she was not. I really don't know anymore. Opinions and advice just goes in circles... Maybe it's just a roll of the dice, and I came up CRAPS :D

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I think in my RS it was the opposite. I kept doing/giving little things and gestures and she was not. I really don't know anymore. Opinions and advice just goes in circles... Maybe it's just a roll of the dice, and I came up CRAPS :D

That's why I always bet the don't pass line =p.

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Oh man, boundaries are the most important, and I am guilty in my last relationship of not enforcing them. I guess way to describe boundaries, is that it's sets the tone of the relationship. You establish behaviors that will not be tolerated, and willing to leave the relationship if they are crossed. It's so important because it ties in with everything else. Respect, balance, trust, and a deeper connection to name a few. I tell you what, I've ALOT for my next relationship.

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thefooloftheyear
Yeah, maybe 'challenge' is the wrong word/idea. I like your idea of balance. Definitely was getting more and more one sided in my RS. I was still pushing 90%+, but she dropped down to like 30% or below... It was always me giving more than her. I guess that should have been a red flag. But I didn't care. I was in love and I wanted it to work :(

 

Indulge me on what 'boundaries' you are referring to??

 

Dont overanalyze it....You can only be true to who YOU are. These "hard to get" games are all BS. The reality is that some women want you to fawn on them constantly and others will think its coming on too strong. The best bet is to find someone who is on the same level, so that you dont run into problems or come off as a phony.

 

TFOY

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mtnbiker3000

I know. I know... I am just desperately seeking some way of working on/fixing what went down so that I am not on here again in a few months/years because of similar issues...

 

And, yes, I do tend to over-analyze. Drove the ex crazy too :laugh: I just want to understand. I guess some things are better left un-understood.

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mtnbiker3000
Dont overanalyze it....You can only be true to who YOU are. These "hard to get" games are all BS. The reality is that some women want you to fawn on them constantly and others will think its coming on too strong. The best bet is to find someone who is on the same level, so that you dont run into problems or come off as a phony.

 

TFOY

 

Ahh, the compatibility thing comes into play. Definitely incompatible with the ex... But didn't really realize it till way after the HS stage, once feelings were established -which sucks!!

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Infnitysign

Sometimes showing dissapointment in your partner at that moment can change the relationship completely. Not anger or being upset, showing dissapointment is more powerful because now she feels that what she did, didn't hurt you but herself.

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destroyed4sho
For me, right now it's the rejection. Been with this girl for 3 years. Always tried to be good to her, and love her the best I could. Then, for whatever reason(s) she decides she wants to be by herself or find someone else. I am no longer what she wants. Man this is tough to swallow, at least today. I'm sure tomorrow or next week it will be something else driving me crazy.

 

 

I am also angry because, looking back, I am now unsure of how she really ever felt about me. Feels like she had an alternate agenda to dating me. I feel deceived and I am not sure where the deception starts and stops.

 

These are my exact feelings right now word for word. I d

am so angry, I blow up very easily lately.

I also feel deceived bc therr must of.been a huge disconnect.between my ex and I and I didnt even know about it....until after she BU with me.

I still havent come to terms with that reality. Our feeling about eah other were different. She did not feel the same way I did.

I also still get pangs of shock sometimes when somthig reminds me of her and I realize we are not together anymore. Like twice a day or so... :'(

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destroyed4sho
I know. I know... I am just desperately seeking some way of working on/fixing what went down so that I am not on here again in a few months/years because of similar issues...

 

And, yes, I do tend to over-analyze. Drove the ex crazy too :laugh: I just want to understand. I guess some things are better left un-understood.

 

Im at a loss trying to find reasons...now I just accepted I will not find out the reason.

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mtnbiker3000

Dfosho - I feel ya. What kills me is that when we started this RS, she was so into it and me, and me to her. Then after about 6 or 8 months, we both kinda calmed down. I stayed at this slightly calmed, comfortable level, but she kept dropping. I guess I can see reasons and points along the way, but again, I just wanted this to work so bad. I mean I gave her a ring and resigned to the fact that we would be together forever, and I was great with that!!! Thought that was all it would take. I now realize there is so, so much more to make it work. Just not entirely sure what that is. And I'm pissed that it's too late to apply these lessons to the ex, but that ship has sailed :(

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mtnbiker3000
for me it is loneliness. i can't distinguish if it is just general loneliness or the specific loneliness associated with the loss of my ex-boyfriend or, more likely, a combination of the two. i currently live in a place where i don't have good friends and my ex- and i were best friends, so a lot of my social life left with him. i try to look forward to the future and moving to a bigger place where i can find strong connections to people and also try to enjoy the freedom of being alone. but it is hard. it seems like i've always been searching for a mate and now i'm reunited with my good friend longing once again.

 

Can totally relate to this. I moved with my ex to a small town from the SF Bay Area (large area) and have no support structure here. We were each others support system (this was also an issue :(). I think I am moving back when my appt lease is up in 5 months. There is nothing for me here, and being a small town, I don't want to start seeing the ex around with other men. Too much!!!

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