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What's the worst emotion for you right now?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 11th April 2013, 11:26 PM   #31
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It's like riding your bike in a way.

Riding along on a level street in a mid-range gear is easy to hold speed and effort; any downhill grade makes the peddling easier but the rider can pick up dangerous leg speed; uphill gets harder and harder and harder to the point the legs simply stall and the momentum stops.

Yet, all the while the rider only had to change gears to fit the grade and maintain momentum, its just that they didn't even know there were available gears and how they worked.

When people reach a conclusion of "it wasn't meant to be" I often see it as an escape for not knowing how to change gears -- they maintained the level grade effort for the downhill and uphill ride.


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Originally Posted by mtnbiker3000 View Post
Ha!! This IS what my ex kept saying. I just thought it was typical BU ease of guilt stuff

I mean we did have some core issues that we did not see eye to eye on. It's funny, after the first hour with my therapist, she bluntly stated that what I perceived as little things that could be overcome with a small amount of work, were actually just small manifestations of major personality conflicts and that we should not be together. I was like "Damn!!". I left thinking "nah, she's wrong. she doesn't really know me or my situation" Well she did know, and was dead on!!

After that meeting (late Feb), I soon realized and accepted we were done! I don't want her back. I don't want to talk/text/etc her. I just want to start feeling better.

Yeah, I do know she was partly/half/mostly responsible for the BU, but it so hard to understand her thoughts and feelings to pinpoint specific events/actions that led to the BU. It's much easier to understand my own actions and how they led to the BU. But, therapy has been helping, as well as LS...
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Old 11th April 2013, 11:58 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Am4Real View Post
It's like riding your bike in a way.

Riding along on a level street in a mid-range gear is easy to hold speed and effort; any downhill grade makes the peddling easier but the rider can pick up dangerous leg speed; uphill gets harder and harder and harder to the point the legs simply stall and the momentum stops.

Yet, all the while the rider only had to change gears to fit the grade and maintain momentum, its just that they didn't even know there were available gears and how they worked.

When people reach a conclusion of "it wasn't meant to be" I often see it as an escape for not knowing how to change gears -- they maintained the level grade effort for the downhill and uphill ride.
Whenever I try to understand her and her logic, I just think of a time when I broke it off with some girl. It was what it was. I just wasn't into it anymore (usually sexual reasons or petty annoyances). But that usually happened after 2 or 3 months and I wasn't in love. I've never ended a RS after 2 or 3 years. Once I've been around that long, for me it is love and way beyond simply physical gratification. That's the part I don't get. Why wait so long? I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm confused today

BTW - I like your biking analogy. Makes sense. So, is it that they just lost interest, or just didn't want to put in the work or didn't know how to work at it? Do you think this will happen again to her? Or does it depend on the specific people involved in the RS?
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Old 12th April 2013, 6:12 AM   #33
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Any of those are possible and I don’t think of it as a personal characteristic of either person, more of the chemistry between two unique persons.

One LTR I had ran the course over two years. Like you described in the first 2-3- months of meeting and dating, I didn’t guess it would go much past occasional dating. We dated once per week for a few more months and in that latter time I really got to know her, appreciate here and fall in love. The break up was nothing like yours, so it goes without mention.

I only mean to tell you there can be phases in a relationship. More on that in a few paragraphs.

If I had of stopped dating her in those first few months, I would have never had known the beauty of loving her.

Stages in a Relationship
And as in most LTR where love develops, it is not without exclusion that new annoyances and nuances to the relationship enter (CONFLICTS) at any time – in other words not all the annoyances you have judged past partners on show up in the early stages, not to mention some persons who do see them ignore them at first, letting infatuation outweigh them only to become overtaken at a later time.

Try not to over analyze it if you can. There are no hard fast rules or expectations. Just know these relationship and partner nuances are unique to every couple and recognize what is happening through the different stages of a relationship – honeymoon, discovery, commitment, struggle, growth and so on…kind of like our analogy of your bike going up the grade, down the grade or holding a steady speed.

Some get through it with ease and luck, others stumble into it, understand it and learn from it, some of us just have the wrong person and figure it out both inside and outside of conflict. I think you will become the latter in good time using your “toned down” analytical characteristics.

BTW, are you familiar with the EIGHT STAGES of a relationship. It’s a must read.

My parents are all the way at the top and have been for all the time I have known them as an adult. I have failed too many times in the early stages. Hope this note helps as does the reference to the EIGHT STAGES.





Quote:
Originally Posted by mtnbiker3000 View Post
Whenever I try to understand her and her logic, I just think of a time when I broke it off with some girl. It was what it was. I just wasn't into it anymore (usually sexual reasons or petty annoyances). But that usually happened after 2 or 3 months and I wasn't in love. I've never ended a RS after 2 or 3 years. Once I've been around that long, for me it is love and way beyond simply physical gratification. That's the part I don't get. Why wait so long? I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm confused today

BTW - I like your biking analogy. Makes sense. So, is it that they just lost interest, or just didn't want to put in the work or didn't know how to work at it? Do you think this will happen again to her? Or does it depend on the specific people involved in the RS?
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