adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, more of his doing, but I was fine with it. We recently tried to do some nsa stuff and after our attempt, we got to talking. The day before I texted him right away to tell him that the dating site that we met on is dangerous, due to an experience I recently had with a date. Anyway, after we kind of got intimate, He then said, "so are you seeing anyone else? Are you getting serious with them? What do they look and act like?" I answered but was pretty vague about it. Then I asked him if he was dating anyone new. He said he hadn't been on any dates yet, but that he was supposed to go on a date with a girl who messaged him, who he mentioned kind of looked like me, but said he wasn't sure because she didn't have a cell and she seemed entitled, etc. I encouraged him to give her a shot (though I really don't want him to), but he jokingly said, "then I wouldn't get to bang you"... My question: Why even ask if I'm dating anyone new? Is he trying to see if he's doing better in the dating world than me...what? Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 1. He is still interested in you. 2. He feels guilty and is wondering whether you started dating. That would be a relief for him. Pick up which one you like more Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Probably looking for a FWB arrangement. Just don't 'demote' yourself to that. It's best you stop contact with because you are not over him but I know I am wasting my breath saying this to you. If he wanted you back he would be pleading to have you back. Right now he is having you on the backburner for just in cases or FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 WHY - OH WHY - ARE YOU STILL HAVING SEX WITH HIM if the two of you ARE BROKEN UP - ??!!? If you've broken up, this is NOT a relationship!!! It's just sex, and he's in the frame of mind that he doesn't want to be with you - but he doesn't want anyone else to be with you either!! And that goes for you too!! Jeesh guys - cut contact and move on!! All you are is phu.ckk-buddies!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I encouraged him to give her a shot (though I really don't want him to), but he jokingly said, "then I wouldn't get to bang you"... Puke. Going from loving someone to suddenly hearing them term intimacy after a break-up, as their need to bang you is repulsive. Why would you even do this? If you are indifferent and just having sex, fine. But if you are asking these questions, it's pretty clear you are still emotionally attached and have some form of expectation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) Oh wow! Hahaha I guess I should have been more clear. I do have slight feelings for him, as in, I like our conversations and physical contact, but absolutely do NOT want to be in a relationship with him...we were terrible as a couple. "I" was the one who initially posed the nsa relationship with him because a) I was a virgin b)I knew he hadn't slept with anyone in a couple of years c) trusted he didn't have any stds d) attracted to him. I know that was a terrible idea, don't need a lecture on that one. I'm an adult and I made a choice; albeit, a bad one. He freaked out about that idea, so I dropped it and did NC for a week until he texted me out of the blue and said he missed our conversations and would try the sex...we did try...awkward failure and then he asked me about if I was dating anyone else. Edited April 11, 2013 by adb22 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 So why do want to lose your virginity to a man you feel you that have no future with and you don't love with all your heart? If you treat special things like your 'virginity' with such disregard, I can't imagine the life you are headed toward... Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wow a guy asking his ex gf if she is seeing or banging another guy is just so insecure and needy and so self center. Maybe you should pick at his brain until he hates you and then he'll really want you and grow up and be a confident and self assured person. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 So, if you don't want a relationship with him, why ponder on why he's asking if you are dating anyone. It's moot. I wonder if you are being honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 So why do want to lose your virginity to a man you feel you that have no future with and you don't love with all your heart? If you treat special things like your 'virginity' with such disregard, I can't imagine the life you are headed toward... Why? because I think of sex as sex. I held the "virginity is special view" for a while, but in all honesty, I just wanted to experience it. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you think that I'm headed towards a life of terror because I experienced that with someone I didn't love, then I don't know what to tell you. I appreciate your input, but being judged for an action like that isn't what I'm interested in...I simply wanted to know reason why an ex would even ask questions like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Why? because I think of sex as sex. I held the "virginity is special view" for a while, but in all honesty, I just wanted to experience it. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you think that I'm headed towards a life of terror because I experienced that with someone I didn't love, then I don't know what to tell you. I appreciate your input, but being judged for an action like that isn't what I'm interested in...I simply wanted to know reason why an ex would even ask questions like that. I wouldn't judge how a women losses their virginity because it might just be circumstantial or just in the moment. My ex GF lost her virginity to her BF before me by rape and it was so hard for her to even come to contact to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 So, if you don't want a relationship with him, why ponder on why he's asking if you are dating anyone. It's moot. I wonder if you are being honest with yourself. Because I'm curious. But, I know if I asked him directly, he would contradict himself, like he usually does. I know strangers, such as yourselves do not have the exact answer, because obviously...but I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience. I am being honest with myself. I have slight feelings for this guy, though I shouldn't. I like the conversations and kissing, but don't want the complications of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 I wouldn't judge how a women losses their virginity because it might just be circumstantial or just in the moment. My ex GF lost her virginity to her BF before me by rape and it was so hard for her to even come to contact to me. Oh, I wasn't trying to insult your girlfriend or anything. I'm sorry to hear of her story. I was just telling that other guy that On a basic level sex is just genitalia meeting genitalia (sorry for the phrasing). If others place the concept of virginity on a higher level, more power to them! I just don't like being judged for my own decision. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Because I'm curious. But, I know if I asked him directly, he would contradict himself, like he usually does. I know strangers, such as yourselves do not have the exact answer, because obviously...but I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience. I am being honest with myself. I have slight feelings for this guy, though I shouldn't. I like the conversations and kissing, but don't want the complications of a relationship. You have to understand that the man still has an attachment to you. The curiosity to know if you're with someone else will be there because they were once a part of you. I am sure there is still that sense of belonging, even if the two of your are not together anymore. The thing is, his question is also followed by the fact that he is moving on with other women. I don't think it's a competition but more so a curiosity. And even if it meant that he was jealous of the fact that you are moving on, he's not doing anything to hold you back. If you want to continue "just sex" then do so but don't do it if you're still emotionally tangled with him, even if you just enjoy his conversations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 You have to understand that the man still has an attachment to you. The curiosity to know if you're with someone else will be there because they were once a part of you. I am sure there is still that sense of belonging, even if the two of your are not together anymore. The thing is, his question is also followed by the fact that he is moving on with other women. I don't think it's a competition but more so a curiosity. And even if it meant that he was jealous of the fact that you are moving on, he's not doing anything to hold you back. If you want to continue "just sex" then do so but don't do it if you're still emotionally tangled with him, even if you just enjoy his conversations. Thank you for your response. You're definitely right. I know that I should just cut contact completely, but I'm having a bit of trouble because he was my first boyfriend, and I kind of miss that feeling. I know it's best to just move on and to avoid any emotions that I have for him from being further trampled on...It's a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adb22 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Now implementing NC.. seeing if that works Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Now implementing NC.. seeing if that works It works because you're choosing to eliminate all contact, and with that you are able to detach emotionally. It won't work if you decide to break it. Link to post Share on other sites
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