My ex is Pregnant with someone else. I feel sooo down, its hard to take.

[TeaFor2]

THE STORY

We were together for 5.5 years and were deeply in love, we started arguing and falling out after year 3. We were at different eras of our lives with me being 7 years older at 30 and we often broke up over silly things, but we had 1 dream together which was to have a family. We both knew we would be great and very loving parents. We didn't manage during our time to make a baby and she eventually gave up on us in September with the mutual feeling we may not be right for each other. I tried for 6 weeks to patch things up but we had gone through it too many times and she was convinced we needed to move on so I ultimately failed and accepted it (to a certain degree) and we left on friendly and occasionally speaking terms.

 

I then moved on by dating another girl who is a few years older than me. We get on great and never argue. I feel that I have learned from any mistakes I have made, and I believe we are both well suited good people. I truly love her very much, I feel very lucky, and I know she feels the same.

 

However. I moved on too soon because I has an opportunity meeting someone who was special. My ex was very upset about this, and she even hinted it may have been a mistake on her part to split. I put it down to a bit of jealousy and insisted that I try to move on. She reluctantly accepted seeming very confused about her own feelings.

This has been a problem for me because I didn't really properly 'get over' my ex. I missed her, still loved her and at times I still miss her now (the little things) after all 5.5 years is a long time especially when our bond was very strong after we helped each other through difficult times in our lives. I did realise that this was not really fair on my girlfriend. We had talked about it and after 3-4 months of taking things a little slower, I am happy, she is happy, and we both are excited for our future together. Like I said though now and then I still have those feelings and miss my ex. She was and is a good person after all.

 

She has been in a new relationship for 3 months now (1 month less than me) and being on friendly terms, she called to catch up and tell me that she is pregnant. She must had known this would really hurt me, but also enough to know that I would also be very happy for her. We had a nice conversation about general stuff where I hid my hurt the best I could. She told me how happy she is and how perfect her new person is for her. I wished her well and her to me the same.

 

I was in tears the minute I put down the phone. 1 Day later I am still absolutely gutted. Her happiness should have been shared with me. It was OUR dream. I feel terrible because Its like my hurt is not fair on my girlfriend who is lovely and doesn't deserve her partner to have any of this kind of feeling. She doesn't know about the news. Do I tell her? and explain my (possible natural) hurt? because I am and will be close to tears at times and I may be becoming visibly sad/upset.

 

Is It possible I still love my ex and my girlfriend at the same time? Am I supposed to let my girlfriend down so I can properly get over everything?

I certainly don't want to loose her so should I just bite the bullet and take it on the chin so to speak and try move on normally?

 

(PS) Sorry for the long drawn out story!. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks folks.

[Mint Sauce]

Hi there, welcome to LS,

 

- it is normal that this is a shock to your system, with very mixed emotions

- 3 months into a new relationship and pregnant?? Oh boy...

- assuming your new gf has the maturity of a regular 30+ yro, I think you can speak to her about this, and she will understand that this is difficult for you, without jumping to the conclusion that you don't love her.

- ideally you should probably have waited a little longer to date someone new, but life is unpredictable. Just be honest to your new gf.

 

take care

Mint

[Radu]

She got knocked up 3 months after leaving you.

 

What does that tell you ?

Does this sound like a good decision on her part ?

Does this sound like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with ?

 

Get over this, go see a therapist, write about it, but get over it, because right now ... you are taking your present gf [which did not deserve this] for a ride.

 

You didn't lose her, she lost you in the grand scheme of things.

She was an emotionally immature individual, who can't keep to a straight decision and who [i suspect] got pregnant to 'future fake' her new relationship.

And if i'm wrong, who cares ?

Getting back with her will only make things more complicated, waste more of your time, end up raising some other guy's kid, and quite frankly, i believe she will just put you on the backburner.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Radu

[Thunderchild]

It's a b*tch isn't it. Been there bought the tee-shirt and baseball cap. My ex got pregnant by someone else behind my back BEFORE dropping the hammer. Life ain't pretty and it ain't perfect.

 

Reading your post:

 

"We didn't manage during our time to make a baby and she eventually gave up on us in September with the mutual feeling we may not be right for each other. I tried for 6 weeks to patch things up but we had gone through it too many times and she was convinced we needed to move on so I ultimately failed and accepted it (to a certain degree) and we left on friendly and occasionally speaking terms."

 

I would strongly suspect that "baby-daddy" was on the scene before you split. She made all the decisions and broke up with you. A lot of women make sure that they have the "replacement" sorted out before the break up. If she really wanted to break up, she would have done so there and then - none of this "allowing you to try to convince her" nonsense.

 

She's pregnant after 3 months with a guy she (allegedly) barely knows?? Would you really want to be in the life of someone who falls pregnant to a rebound after 5.5 years with you!? Run for the hills my good man! As far and as fast as you can!! Do not under any circumstances go back to her/take her back - unless you want to be stuck financially with another man's child for the next 20 odd years.

 

She dumped you once - she'll do it again. The baby (and herself) is all that she cares about.

 

Go No Contact (permanently) and disappear from her life. Do not encourage a 'friendship' unless (of course) you wish to become a buck-shee baby-sitter.

 

Remember the old adage - Bad Boys to make Babies with, Nice Guys to pay for them.

 

Run - Very Fast!

Edited April 11, 2013 by Thunderchild

[Coping Vortex]

THE STORY

We were together for 5.5 years and were deeply in love, we started arguing and falling out after year 3. We were at different eras of our lives with me being 7 years older at 30 and we often broke up over silly things, but we had 1 dream together which was to have a family. We both knew we would be great and very loving parents. We didn't manage during our time to make a baby and she eventually gave up on us in September with the mutual feeling we may not be right for each other. I tried for 6 weeks to patch things up but we had gone through it too many times and she was convinced we needed to move on so I ultimately failed and accepted it (to a certain degree) and we left on friendly and occasionally speaking terms.

 

I then moved on by dating another girl who is a few years older than me. We get on great and never argue. I feel that I have learned from any mistakes I have made, and I believe we are both well suited good people. I truly love her very much, I feel very lucky, and I know she feels the same.

 

However. I moved on too soon because I has an opportunity meeting someone who was special. My ex was very upset about this, and she even hinted it may have been a mistake on her part to split. I put it down to a bit of jealousy and insisted that I try to move on. She reluctantly accepted seeming very confused about her own feelings.

This has been a problem for me because I didn't really properly 'get over' my ex. I missed her, still loved her and at times I still miss her now (the little things) after all 5.5 years is a long time especially when our bond was very strong after we helped each other through difficult times in our lives. I did realise that this was not really fair on my girlfriend. We had talked about it and after 3-4 months of taking things a little slower, I am happy, she is happy, and we both are excited for our future together. Like I said though now and then I still have those feelings and miss my ex. She was and is a good person after all.

 

She has been in a new relationship for 3 months now (1 month less than me) and being on friendly terms, she called to catch up and tell me that she is pregnant. She must had known this would really hurt me, but also enough to know that I would also be very happy for her. We had a nice conversation about general stuff where I hid my hurt the best I could. She told me how happy she is and how perfect her new person is for her. I wished her well and her to me the same.

 

I was in tears the minute I put down the phone. 1 Day later I am still absolutely gutted. Her happiness should have been shared with me. It was OUR dream. I feel terrible because Its like my hurt is not fair on my girlfriend who is lovely and doesn't deserve her partner to have any of this kind of feeling. She doesn't know about the news. Do I tell her? and explain my (possible natural) hurt? because I am and will be close to tears at times and I may be becoming visibly sad/upset.

 

Is It possible I still love my ex and my girlfriend at the same time? Am I supposed to let my girlfriend down so I can properly get over everything?

I certainly don't want to loose her so should I just bite the bullet and take it on the chin so to speak and try move on normally?

 

(PS) Sorry for the long drawn out story!. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks folks.

 

Been there done that. Run for the hills. I know it feels like a punch in the gut but think what life would be like being with her with someone else's kid in her arms. That should cure you of this feeling.