The wrong person had an epiphany...

[singme2sleep]

I went to visit my sick elderly aunt today, in her rehab center. She is 92 and alone because my uncle left her for another woman like 30 years ago and she never got remarried. As I sat there holding her hand and talking, I looked into her eyes and it hit me. Life is too damn short to not spend it with the person you love. The time that we waste, we can't get back!

 

Yes, he broke up with me and I do understand why, but after that visit with my aunt I can't help to think that we are apart for stupid reasons. When two people love each other they should stay get as close as possible, not back away and try handling problems alone.

 

I'm sure some of you are going to quote me and counteract with something like "we'll the answers weren't stupid to him" and you'd be right. I'm just saying that I don't want to look bank one day and wonder why this relationship ended when we were both in love?!

 

Am I making sense, or going crazy? Lol

 

Now if only my ex could have an epiphany like this.

 

I'm not going to break NC or anything and know I need to heal but I just think that real love doesn't come around that often. Even though I know a lot of you are going to jump on me and say I will have other loves into life.

 

I believe that everything that happens to us, happens to teach us something. And no matter our ages, we all still have things to learn.

[McGriff]

You're right in everything you've said. And that epiphany is spot on. Problem is, there must be a meeting of the minds. One person is not enough unfortunately.

[siankat]

Sometimes you make the most out of life by not being with that person.

 

I don't know you, what makes you tick. Life's moments of greatness and catastrophe are not usually orchestrated by us. He could well have an epiphany of his own. (to be with someone else lets say for arguments sake).

 

Living in the moment is most important to really experience your life not storing away 'better days' in your imagination because even the good times pass (as well as the bad).

 

Hope you feel ok about what ever choice you make based on this because epiphanies like these can knock a person off their center where they act a bit impulsively. Life is not a Hugh Grant movie

[Mack05]

Your not making sense, but your not going crazy either. This is just your junkie mind working overtime playing tricks with your heart. We have all had these unmistakable signs after a breakup that we should get back with our ex, only to realise later it was just the mind playing tricks.

 

I know and most posters that follow your threads know that there is more chance of a pig flying to the moon sending a message back in English, then you having a long term happy future with this guy. Until you figure out why I am soooooooooooooooo certain of this you will stay in the same place, wasting the precious time of your life away.

 

That is the message/epiphany you should have got from your aunt today -> Don't waste precious time with the wrong man. Don't waste precious time obsessing 'why', 'how', 'maybe', 'could'. It gets you nowhere and keeps you in the rut you are in. This man is the wrong man. As soon as you take off my ex is superman googles you will see this too...

 

Siankat is right in everything she said, especially with regarding living for the moment..

Edited April 10, 2013 by Mack05

[mtnbiker3000]

You're right in everything you've said. And that epiphany is spot on. Problem is, there must be a meeting of the minds. One person is not enough unfortunately.

 

Yup, I have to tell myself numerous times that one person is not enough to make a RS work. If it were, I'd be set

 

Your not making sense, but your not going crazy either. This is just your junkie mind working overtime playing tricks with your heart. We have all had these unmistakable signs after a breakup that we should get back with our ex, only to realise later it was just the mind playing tricks.

 

Man, my mind is one tricky SOB. It does a number on me on a daily basis. Fills in gaps, makes assumptions and totally fabricates scenarios that make absolutely no sense. And my heart isn't much smarter. Gets all worked up on the handy work of the mind. Shut up, stupid mind!!!

 

OP - How old are you. I assume you on the younger side. And so, you will have so many more opportunities and soon forget all about this guy. Hoping I can do the same. Seems hard, I know... So many memories and experiences. So much time spent together. Now... nothing. I get it. I'm there

[Mack05]

Do me a favour singme2sleep. Listen closely to this song ->

. This was written by a young Irish guy who loved a girl, but couldn't find a way to tell her. In this song he talks about if you love someone, you don't leave them go (you hold them closer)..It is one of the most simple (lyrically) yet emotional songs that I have ever heard. I would love to feel the love for a special woman that this guy has for this girl. You should want a man that loves you, like this guy loves the girl he is singing about here.

 

Your ex IS NOT THAT guy. He let you go. He hasn't come back. You can make all the excuses in the world for him, but this is the reality. This isn't some Hugh Grant movie as Siankat said. Life doesn't work that way. He is not going to arrive in your house on a unicorn, singing you the song above playing a small guitar.

 

The special one's don't quit. They don't make excuses. Instead they lean on you, they are always there for you. He used the oldest trick in the book, so that he doesn't look like the 'bad' guy. Sadly so many people fall for this trick. He has you thinking "if life didn't get in the way, we would still be together", when the real truth is very different. Nothing would keep me (and most men worth their salt) apart from a woman I love.

 

To be honest and this may hurt but he doesn't see you (or the relationship) as special, as you see him. If he did he wouldn't have quit on you and even then he would have come back on bended knees moving mountains for a second chance. He hasn't. Why? because when he broke up with you there was stuff he wasn't telling you. Probably to spare your feelings. I have seen this a million times sm2s. You too are the rule and not the exception.

 

If I were him I wouldn't come back to the relationship either. I would need to be with a woman I can respect (and vice versa). Not someone who I can basically treat like crap and come back to whenever I feel like. No man or woman wants a doormat. He/She wants to be with someone who views themselves as a prize. Who knows its an ex's loss if they leave.

 

You are (and deserve) so much better then that singmetosleep, but sadly you not showing it. Just acting like a lovesick homeless puppy sitting outside in the porch in the pouring rain hoping to be let back into the house..You are better then this. When are you going to start showing it?

Edited April 11, 2013 by Mack05

[Damsel in Distress]

Sing, I can undestand how seeing your aunt growing old alone triggered those kind of thoughts. But I agree with Mack that your mind is playing tricks on you, looking for signs that you should get back together. But I suspect your aunt could have also triggered a very different epiphany.

I'm guessing you didn't discuss lost love with your aunt, but I think it would be interesting to hear her perspective on living out the rest of her life without her husband. My grandparents have died, but when they were alive, they always had such wise, calm, common sense advice to me about love and relationships.

It sounds like you saw your aunt as a permanently wounded and lonely person, and what a shame she has had to grow old without a partner, without love. But maybe she sees it very differently - that she is a strong person, that she had some wonderful times with your uncle, and that she is living her older years as a strong, independent woman who accepts that she cannot change the mind of a man who has moved on, and doesn't want a man who no longer adores her.

 

You could just have easily had an epiphany that nothing lasts forever, that you should find and appreciate the joys of living in the moment, and not waste precious time longing for something that no longer is.

 

Hugs Sing. And please don't break NC! Be strong!

[Damsel in Distress]

Mack, this is a powerful post. And I will keep these words in my mind and my heart. Thank you for laying it out there in such simple, straightforward words, with such strong imagery. Great words not just for Sing, but for all of us. Thank you.

 

(I snipped some words an bolded some things that really hit home to me.)

 

You should want a man that loves you, like this guy loves the girl he is singing about here.

 

Your ex IS NOT THAT guy. He let you go. He hasn't come back.

...

The special one's don't quit. They don't make excuses. Instead they lean on you, they are always there for you.

...

To be honest and this may hurt but he doesn't see you (or the relationship) as special, as you see him. If he did he wouldn't have quit on you and even then he would have come back on bended knees moving mountains for a second chance. He hasn't. Why? because when he broke up with you there was stuff he wasn't telling you. Probably to spare your feelings. I have seen this a million times sm2s. You too are the rule and not the exception.

...

No man or woman wants a doormat. He/She wants to be with someone who views themselves as a prize. Who knows its an ex's loss if they leave.

...

Just acting like a lovesick homeless puppy sitting outside in the porch in the pouring rain hoping to be let back into the house..You are better then this. When are you going to start showing it?

[singme2sleep]

Sing, I can undestand how seeing your aunt growing old alone triggered those kind of thoughts. But I agree with Mack that your mind is playing tricks on you, looking for signs that you should get back together. But I suspect your aunt could have also triggered a very different epiphany.

I'm guessing you didn't discuss lost love with your aunt, but I think it would be interesting to hear her perspective on living out the rest of her life without her husband. My grandparents have died, but when they were alive, they always had such wise, calm, common sense advice to me about love and relationships.

It sounds like you saw your aunt as a permanently wounded and lonely person, and what a shame she has had to grow old without a partner, without love. But maybe she sees it very differently - that she is a strong person, that she had some wonderful times with your uncle, and that she is living her older years as a strong, independent woman who accepts that she cannot change the mind of a man who has moved on, and doesn't want a man who no longer adores her.

 

You could just have easily had an epiphany that nothing lasts forever, that you should find and appreciate the joys of living in the moment, and not waste precious time longing for something that no longer is.

 

Hugs Sing. And please don't break NC! Be strong!

 

Yeah that's true, I didn't think of it like that.

 

Also I have no intention of breaking NC because when it comes to my ex I'd like to hold onto a little bit of my pride.

 

As for Mack, and his consistent blunt-ness...I'm not a puppy out in the rain. And IF my ex came back, I wouldn't just fall at his feet. I know I talk a lot on here about how much I miss him, however I do have self respect and would not make it so easy.

 

I'm far from a perfect person and I can't help the way I feel. I can't just stop loving him because he's gone. I also don't plan to spend my life crying over him, it's just at this point in time I am still holding on a bit.

Edited April 11, 2013 by singme2sleep

[Damsel in Distress]

Sorry if I was too hard on you Sing! I was just trying to help you keep your thoughts on a healing path. Believe me, I'm also spending a lot of time ruminating about something that no longer exists. Look how much I'm on this forum. And I'm one who hasn't been able to delete and block, etc. It's hard! That's why we all have to keep reminding ourselves to stay on a positive track to recover. That's all I was trying to do

 

As for Mack, he's using strong imagery to make his point, and to make sure we DON'T act like a puppy dog left out in the rain. His words and imagery certainly gave me more resolve to be strong.

 

Hugs!

[ThatJustHappened]

Do me a favour singme2sleep. Listen closely to this song ->

. This was written by a young Irish guy who loved a girl, but couldn't find a way to tell her. In this song he talks about if you love someone, you don't leave them go (you hold them closer)..It is one of the most simple (lyrically) yet emotional songs that I have ever heard. I would love to feel the love for a special woman that this guy has for this girl. You should want a man that loves you, like this guy loves the girl he is singing about here.

 

Your ex IS NOT THAT guy. He let you go. He hasn't come back. You can make all the excuses in the world for him, but this is the reality. This isn't some Hugh Grant movie as Siankat said. Life doesn't work that way. He is not going to arrive in your house on a unicorn, singing you the song above playing a small guitar.

 

The special one's don't quit. They don't make excuses. Instead they lean on you, they are always there for you. He used the oldest trick in the book, so that he doesn't look like the 'bad' guy. Sadly so many people fall for this trick. He has you thinking "if life didn't get in the way, we would still be together", when the real truth is very different. Nothing would keep me (and most men worth their salt) apart from a woman I love.

 

To be honest and this may hurt but he doesn't see you (or the relationship) as special, as you see him. If he did he wouldn't have quit on you and even then he would have come back on bended knees moving mountains for a second chance. He hasn't. Why? because when he broke up with you there was stuff he wasn't telling you. Probably to spare your feelings. I have seen this a million times sm2s. You too are the rule and not the exception.

 

If I were him I wouldn't come back to the relationship either. I would need to be with a woman I can respect (and vice versa). Not someone who I can basically treat like crap and come back to whenever I feel like. No man or woman wants a doormat. He/She wants to be with someone who views themselves as a prize. Who knows its an ex's loss if they leave.

 

You are (and deserve) so much better then that singmetosleep, but sadly you not showing it. Just acting like a lovesick homeless puppy sitting outside in the porch in the pouring rain hoping to be let back into the house..You are better then this. When are you going to start showing it?

 

Powerful post Mack.

[singme2sleep]

Sorry if I was too hard on you Sing! I was just trying to help you keep your thoughts on a healing path. Believe me, I'm also spending a lot of time ruminating about something that no longer exists. Look how much I'm on this forum. And I'm one who hasn't been able to delete and block, etc. It's hard! That's why we all have to keep reminding ourselves to stay on a positive track to recover. That's all I was trying to do

 

As for Mack, he's using strong imagery to make his point, and to make sure we DON'T act like a puppy dog left out in the rain. His words and imagery certainly gave me more resolve to be strong.

 

Hugs!

 

It's ok Damsel, Like I've said in another thread...I'm a defensive person.

 

I just honestly don't know HOW to fully let him go. I have accepted the fact that our relationship is over but its so hard not to believe he threw away a good thing. He was so in love with me and then it was like over night he decided he couldn't be with me. I don't want to allow this breakup to run my life but my stubborn heart won't give him up.

 

Oh and to answer another poster, I'm 25.

[ab5]

Do me a favour singme2sleep. Listen closely to this song ->

. This was written by a young Irish guy who loved a girl, but couldn't find a way to tell her. In this song he talks about if you love someone, you don't leave them go (you hold them closer)..It is one of the most simple (lyrically) yet emotional songs that I have ever heard. I would love to feel the love for a special woman that this guy has for this girl. You should want a man that loves you, like this guy loves the girl he is singing about here.

 

Your ex IS NOT THAT guy. He let you go. He hasn't come back. You can make all the excuses in the world for him, but this is the reality. This isn't some Hugh Grant movie as Siankat said. Life doesn't work that way. He is not going to arrive in your house on a unicorn, singing you the song above playing a small guitar.

 

The special one's don't quit. They don't make excuses. Instead they lean on you, they are always there for you. He used the oldest trick in the book, so that he doesn't look like the 'bad' guy. Sadly so many people fall for this trick. He has you thinking "if life didn't get in the way, we would still be together", when the real truth is very different. Nothing would keep me (and most men worth their salt) apart from a woman I love.

 

To be honest and this may hurt but he doesn't see you (or the relationship) as special, as you see him. If he did he wouldn't have quit on you and even then he would have come back on bended knees moving mountains for a second chance. He hasn't. Why? because when he broke up with you there was stuff he wasn't telling you. Probably to spare your feelings. I have seen this a million times sm2s. You too are the rule and not the exception.

 

If I were him I wouldn't come back to the relationship either. I would need to be with a woman I can respect (and vice versa). Not someone who I can basically treat like crap and come back to whenever I feel like. No man or woman wants a doormat. He/She wants to be with someone who views themselves as a prize. Who knows its an ex's loss if they leave.

 

You are (and deserve) so much better then that singmetosleep, but sadly you not showing it. Just acting like a lovesick homeless puppy sitting outside in the porch in the pouring rain hoping to be let back into the house..You are better then this. When are you going to start showing it?

 

This was a great post, it actually made me emotional and teary when I read it. Thanks for the moving words....

[SarcasticAbby]

 

That is the message/epiphany you should have got from your aunt today -> Don't waste precious time with the wrong man. Don't waste precious time obsessing 'why', 'how', 'maybe', 'could'. It gets you nowhere and keeps you in the rut you are in. This man is the wrong man. As soon as you take off my ex is superman googles you will see this too...

 

love this! Wish I had realized this years ago...

[thefooloftheyear]

It's ok Damsel, Like I've said in another thread...I'm a defensive person.

 

I just honestly don't know HOW to fully let him go. I have accepted the fact that our relationship is over but its so hard not to believe he threw away a good thing. He was so in love with me and then it was like over night he decided he couldn't be with me. I don't want to allow this breakup to run my life but my stubborn heart won't give him up.

 

Oh and to answer another poster, I'm 25.

 

I dont see you as someone who is a doormat. Frankly, it sounds like you are the type of person that takes real love seriously and rewards your partner with steadfast loyalty. Its refreshing to see this. The only problem now is that you need to find someone who values that loyalty as much as you do. This guy doesnt. Sounds just like he wants "the next greatest thing"

 

Give all that loyalty to someone who really appreciates it. Trust me, you WILL find it.

 

TFOY

[Mack05]

TFOY and Sing I think my message is being lost on your both. It is awesome sing has such a capacity to love. I totally identify with this.

 

The issue here is how sing is handling the (post) breakup. When you love someone and they leave its utterly devastating. For the first few weeks and months, its hard to make sense of things. At some stage for your own well being, you have to start slowly letting go. I worry that the longer Singme2sleep refuses to let go, the harder it will be for her to come out of this severe rut that she has gotten herself into. All I want her to do is SLOWLY start letting go.

 

Yes I can see why she thinks I am blunt, because I have been! She gets different kind of love here. Some is supportive and gentle. Like her parents, I feel enough is enough. There is only so long you can be gentle with someone before giving them a hard kick up their ass.

 

Her dad hit the nail on the head. This guy is a coward. Her parents (like me) understand what she is doing right now is not healthy for her. Her response is to get defensive and say "well I am leaving". That is not very mature.

 

Her ex can sense her desperation, her weakness. That is why he won't be back. Therefore what is the point in her doing what she is doing? Leaving LS won't help her, she will just stay in her fantasy world. Wondering "what if this" or "what if that".

 

What concerns me is how low she is right now and there are no signs (at least to me) that this is getting any better..

Edited April 11, 2013 by Mack05