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after breakup, should i stay friends?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 10th April 2013, 2:58 AM   #1
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after breakup, should i stay friends?

My bf broke up with me a week ago after living together for two years. Yesterday, he talked to me n told me that he doesnt want a relationship with me but he wants us to stay friends.. like we can meet once a week or something..but i told him that i still have feelings for him so i cant be friends with him..but he really insisted on us staying friends..but i cant.. what should i do?
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Old 10th April 2013, 3:06 AM   #2
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If you've still got feelings for him there not gonna go away and you're not gonna heal if you remain seeing him once a week. Tell him to do one and initiate NC & never look back
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Old 10th April 2013, 3:16 AM   #3
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have you ever seen My best friends wedding????
Dude.. Do you really want to be like that? Honestly.. Him wanting to be friends is dreamy, He's kind enough to have consideration for you and not vanish like a freaking ghost.
Honestly it seems like he wants to have you around, still has feelings for you even though he does not want to be with you.. It's a safety net..
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Old 10th April 2013, 7:05 AM   #4
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He feels bad that he hurt you, but he really doesn't want to be with you. Him being "friends" with you means he can keep you around and be nosy in your life without feeling the responsibility of being your boyfriend. Maybe he wants to test the waters, but keep you around "just in case" it doesn't work out, or for late night sex in desperate times.

Can you handle him telling you about him sleeping with other girls? Partying all night long? Can you see him kissing other people? Holding hands? Getting engaged and possibly married to someone else? Are you willing to witness that and pretend to be happy for him?

Being friends is possible only when you're in denial, or only when you truly have gotten over an ex, moved on a few times, and can't see yourself ever going back.
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Old 10th April 2013, 8:29 AM   #5
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.

Hi, I was in the same situation as you, I also had lived with my bf for 2 years when he split with me but still said he wanted to be 'best friends' sadly though I think thats what they just say to soften the blow... I agreed to the still being friends thing and I went out with him a couple of times at the start but since then he's slowly stopped contacting and now I feel like we are strangers, I dont know if this is the case with all men but unfortunately I have heard similar many times.. and the worse bit is if you love him and your'e hanging out as 'friends' It makes it near enough impossible to move on... x
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Old 10th April 2013, 12:08 PM   #6
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you will only prolong the healing process. do not accept his offer being friends. he will only benefit from it.
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Old 12th April 2013, 4:19 AM   #7
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Weird but true

somehow, my X has asked me to patch up again with him..but he wants us to not live together but i can visit him whenever i want or for however long i want. He also has one more condition that he wants me to not talk to his specific friends.. i dont knw what to do?
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Old 12th April 2013, 4:30 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 31confused09 View Post
somehow, my X has asked me to patch up again with him..but he wants us to not live together but i can visit him whenever i want or for however long i want. He also has one more condition that he wants me to not talk to his specific friends.. i dont knw what to do?
If he's a decent guy, it sounds like maybe he wants to rebuild chemistry between the two of you, or needs his own space. If you trust him, I say go for it. Just don't jump in with both feet thinking its going to be the same. Take the time you get away from him to focus on yourself.

Did he say why he doesn't want you talking to his friends?
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Old 12th April 2013, 5:34 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 31confused09 View Post
My bf broke up with me a week ago after living together for two years. Yesterday, he talked to me n told me that he doesnt want a relationship with me but he wants us to stay friends.. like we can meet once a week or something..but i told him that i still have feelings for him so i cant be friends with him..but he really insisted on us staying friends..but i cant.. what should i do?
Don't be friends. You still having feelings for him and moving on for you will be near to impossible if you continue to see him.

You need time to heal and no-contact is best for this.

His motivations may be to assuage his own guilt.
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Old 12th April 2013, 5:38 AM   #10
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"There are normally 7 reasons that keep us stuck in a rut, that makes us want to break NC. These reasons are listed below..

1) Why can't we be friends. After a breakup the work each person has to do is lose the couple identity. Each person needs to establish again his or hers identity and no longer see themselves as part of the couple they once were. Therefore being friends in the aftermath of a breakup is a complete NO NO! The atmosphere is too emtionally charged. You both need time to get yourselves together. If you leave each other alone initially you may come back later as saner, more grounded people with a better chance of being friends. But right now you need to concentrate on yourself and your healing..
"
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Old 12th April 2013, 9:49 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 31confused09 View Post
somehow, my X has asked me to patch up again with him..but he wants us to not live together but i can visit him whenever i want or for however long i want. He also has one more condition that he wants me to not talk to his specific friends.. i dont knw what to do?
I think some posters on here may to have read very far.

I would be curious to know why not talk to certain friends?
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Old 12th April 2013, 10:18 AM   #12
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NO YOU CANT BE FRIENDS. DOESNT WORK THAT WAY.

You need to go NC until 100 percent indifferent. It may take 6 months or a year. Then if you still want to be friends go for it. But chances are you wont want to and neither will he. Sorry. Cav
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Old 12th April 2013, 10:22 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by 31confused09 View Post
somehow, my X has asked me to patch up again with him..but he wants us to not live together but i can visit him whenever i want or for however long i want. He also has one more condition that he wants me to not talk to his specific friends.. i dont knw what to do?
Sounds like a crock of sh*t. Cut this guy loose and block him. He just wants to use you while he moves on. Dont let him.
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