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Manipulative e-mail from ex. Is she trying to make me feel guilty??


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Old 10th April 2013, 12:16 AM   #1
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Manipulative e-mail from ex. Is she trying to make me feel guilty??

Ok, so I got an e-mail two days ago from my ex who I've been NC with for 13 months. Read some of my old threads if you want to know the complete lowdown. Actually, I saw her out at a bar a few weeks ago and totally ingnored her. Go me. Anyway, in the past year I have made no secret to anyone who has asked that she treated me as sh*tty as anyone could. Other men, lying about things, yada yada. I still go get drinks with our mutual friends on occasion and I've pretty much told them what I think of her. Basically a two-timing whore, to be as succinct as I can.

So I get this e-mail:

"Just FYI, It broke my heart to end us, but to know how you have referenced me, probably for the best. I care for you but to know what have referenced me to is the worst."

What the hell does that mean?? What, in the name of Jesus, Joseph and Mary did she think I might say about her if someone asked? That she treated me great but was just misunderstood??

Should I have been not so vocal with my displeasure towards her? I just told anyone who asked the honest truth. If it broke her heart to end it, why the eff did we end it?? If she cared so much about me, why was she doing so much sh*t behnd my back? Geez..

Anyway, neither here nor there since we're broken up and I'm still NC. I haven't responded to the e-mail and will probably not unless you guys give some sage advice to the contrary.

Is she trying to put me on a guilt trip? To tell you the truth, I DID feel kind of bad about putting her down after I read it, but after i thought about it awhile I realized that the shoe really fit on this one. She HAS to know this. Is she that clueless???

Thoughts or opinions?
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Old 10th April 2013, 12:43 AM   #2
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I think anyone will get defensive when they hear negative talk of themselves. I would definitely say she is trying to push guilt at you. If i said anything to her it would be like...." Almost a year later? What were you hoping to achieve with this email? You hurt me and know exactly what you did" you could apologize if you feel like it will relieve you of guilt but make sure it's worth opening this can of worms. Do you have any % in yourself that would want to be with her again?
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Old 10th April 2013, 1:09 AM   #3
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In a similar situation currently. I think these people are just so full of themselves, that they don't even see what they did wrong. Or play it down, to not to feel sh*tty about themselves. If it was me doing things like your ex did, I would try to keep a low profile.

What I think it's the best:

Don't answer. Be happy you got rid of the psycho woman. And friends can just go on and keep telling her what your honest opinion about her is. If that's what makes them happy... You on the other hand probably have more reasonable things to do than gossiping about people who don't really matter anymore.
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Old 10th April 2013, 1:13 AM   #4
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man you can say whatever you want to say..especially if you are just telling it like it is. She is DEFINITELY trying to guilt trip you..which is funny because (based on your info) she is the only who should hold guilt.

Keep no contact, keep saying whatever you want to say, and live your life. The fact that she would email you after 13 months to write that semi-coherent email is actually funny. I think that although she broke up with you, you won the breakup (although I know that, in reality, no one ever seems to truly win)
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Old 10th April 2013, 1:14 AM   #5
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oh and definitely ignore..dont reply at all. You got better things to do than entertain this girl.
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Old 10th April 2013, 7:16 AM   #6
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Yeah, guilt tripping. She's turning it around on you because she likely (I know there are crazy people out there who really don't have a conscious) knows perfectly well how she treated you and she feels guilty. When one knows they did wrong they either try to turn it around, blame you for the problems, for talking negatively, etc, or they get angry (and still blame you).

I've been going through the same thing, only its been less than two months since he left for the woman he cheated on me with, I stayed ridiculously understanding and amiable the whole time, and ANYTHING negative on my end was met with massive hostility. I broke down a few weeks ago and talked crap TO him, briefly, apologized immediately (we have a toddler together, I can't have issues), and over a week later he was still extremely angry. Its because he has soooo much guilt over what he's done and its easier to be mad at me over stupid stuff than to feel that guilt. They also like to rewrite your history in their heads to help justify it to themselves.
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Old 10th April 2013, 10:15 AM   #7
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As much as I want to tell you to send back a Deal With It gif, just ignore it. You should probably avoid mentioning her in front of mutual friends, since it just goes straight to her.
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Old 10th April 2013, 10:44 AM   #8
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she contact you to ease her guilt. she's opening the line of communication. do not respond. act as if you didn't get the email. the ball is on your court let her wait and check her email forever for nothing.
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Old 11th April 2013, 12:46 AM   #9
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Thanks for the words of wisdom. I'm not responding to her. I really am not entertained by the thought of getting back together with her so what's the point. The advice you guys (and all of my friends) gave me has swept any pangs of guilt away, on my part anyway. I think that because of what she put me through I get to say anything about her to anybody I want. That was her choice. Like I said in my original post, did she think I would talk about her like she was Mother Theresa or something?? Honestly.

We did have a great time together when we were going out, but all the behind the scenes stuff that I found out after we split made me want to shower for days. Like that scene from that movie "Silkwood". Very tragic that it had to be this way, but I wasn't the one who couldn't keep it in their pants (so to speak). Anyway, thanks guys! That was extremely helpful!
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Old 11th April 2013, 12:55 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustangsb27 View Post
We did have a great time together when we were going out, but all the behind the scenes stuff that I found out after we split made me want to shower for days. Like that scene from that movie "Silkwood". Very tragic that it had to be this way, but I wasn't the one who couldn't keep it in their pants (so to speak). Anyway, thanks guys! That was extremely helpful!

Gosh I remember that scene so well. and I can imagine how you are feeling If only we could scrub all the pain and hurt off the way we try to scrub off the nasty and disgusting.
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Old 11th April 2013, 3:23 AM   #11
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Reject the rejector.
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Old 11th April 2013, 11:53 PM   #12
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Amen to that, girls.
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