xbabycakes Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Hello, so my ex who ive lived with for 2 years broke up with me a couple of months ago but we have still spoke everyday and agreed we arnt going to see other people and we have seen each other every week or so. Im in complete misery and the only time I feel ok-ish is when he spoke to me. So Saturday night he invited me over and I went. He was really nice and he even passionately kissed me (hes never liked kissing) and I stayed over and we chilled all Sunday daytime and then he said he had to go and do something so i came back to my mums Sunday night. Being the nosey person I am though I couldn't stop myself having a look through his contacts on his phone, a new name jumped out at me 'Chrissy B' so I opened it with Whattsapp and it was a picture of a girl in her underwear, my heart dropped what felt like out of my body... I said to him who is it and he said its his friend Chris something or other but hes got some girls phone and hasnt changed the pic or hes pretending to be a girl (I cant remember exactly what he said) I hope this is the case but im unsure. But still the worse bit of all is I still dont no whats going on, I only see him every week or two and I cant deal with it from seeing him all day everyday to this. Im in actual pain all day every day and finding it very hard to cope I just dont no what to do!! Hes my first love/relationship/ everything and we used to do everything together & it kills me now we dont do anything :'( Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) People on this site really want to help you, but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves... Just say you both got back together, do you have any idea how hard it is to watch every little thing you say, in fear of upsetting your partner? This relationship can never work. You just don't understand why. I would recommend therapy. I honestly believe no one on this site can help you. Why? cause you could receive the greatest advice in the world and it won't make a difference. The problem here is, because you are so emotional right now you are simply incapable of truly absorbing exactly what is being said to you. In a few weeks it's going to be a new thread with the same misery. You have to want to help yourself. The best way to help yourself, is get yourself into therapy. Edited April 8, 2013 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 I try to follow what people say but I just cant help it, I dont no what to do im only not suicidal when ive heard from him but then an hour later I feel back down again Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 But still the worse bit of all is I still dont no whats going on, I only see him every week or two and I cant deal with it from seeing him all day everyday to this. Im in actual pain all day every day and finding it very hard to cope I just dont no what to do!! Hes my first love/relationship/ everything and we used to do everything together & it kills me now we dont do anything :'( You know what's going on. The relationship is over. You're just clinging on to whatever possible way you can have some sort of presence in his life. There is no "doing everything together" anymore. He has broken up with you. The dynamics have changed. What you've basically done is allowed him to demote you from girlfriend to someone he sees here and there, gets the benefit of sex and company with zero commitment. Great deal! He'll have you around until he finds another girl that he wants to progress with. Then he'll dump you, infact he already has, and move on. Until that happens you will be the one that fufills his free time when he is bored, or when he needs sex, or when he needs company. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 How crude of him. I hope you know he is lying. He is talking to another girl. My ex did the same thing. I know what you mean about your heart dropping. You need to make the initiative to BLOCK HIM. I just blocked my ex after 2 years of dating. So very hard. But now I can focus on moving on and finding someone who treats me better. Without having to constantly look at my phone and wonder what is going to happen next. I got rid of the temptation. Let's do this together. Block his number and give it a try. If he really does love you, then he will be there when you unblock it months from now. Give it a good solid month at minimum to block him. Give it a try. I'll be right here with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) I try to follow what people say but I just cant help it, I dont no what to do im only not suicidal when ive heard from him but then an hour later I feel back down again Babycakes this is why I want you to talk to a professional. This is a really unhealthy situation that you have gotten yourself into. You self worth is very low. It's like you are desperate for his validation, as if this will make everything better. It won't. There is so much more going here, that you can understand or comprehend right now. There is a book out there called how to break your addiction to a person. I think this could help you too. I would talk to a professional. If you can't afford it, I know some institutions give out free advice as part of training. Please look into this. You need to understand no one on this site can help you right now. The only person who can help you is YOU. If I told you I was suicidal about my ex, would you think it's in her best interest to take me back? Just think about that for a second. The best way to help yourself right now.. 1) Talk to a professional 2) Strict NC. No Facebook, texting, emailing. Nothing. Disappear. 3) Exercise as much as possible. Preferably outdoors get as much fresh air as you can 4) Buy the book breaking your addiction to a person. Small baby steps is how you get yourself out of hell but unless you are willing to take those steps our words can't help you.. P.S in future don't invade someone else's privacy. I find it amazing on this site that some people feel that this is ok. It's not. Edited April 8, 2013 by Mack05 2 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 You know what's going on. The relationship is over. You're just clinging on to whatever possible way you can have some sort of presence in his life. There is no "doing everything together" anymore. He has broken up with you. The dynamics have changed. What you've basically done is allowed him to demote you from girlfriend to someone he sees here and there, gets the benefit of sex and company with zero commitment. Great deal! He'll have you around until he finds another girl that he wants to progress with. Then he'll dump you, infact he already has, and move on. Until that happens you will be the one that fufills his free time when he is bored, or when he needs sex, or when he needs company. Geegirl I should have taken your advice MONTHS ago!!! This girl knows what she is talking about, trust me! Don't let her be the one to say I Told You So! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Geegirl I should have taken your advice MONTHS ago!!! This girl knows what she is talking about, trust me! Don't let her be the one to say I Told You So! I would never say I told you so because people have to deal with their emotions in their own way and on their own timeline. Just as you did. I've been reading your threads and so very proud of you for blocking him. It's not about how you got here, but that you got here. So, kudos for having the courage to finally take that step towards your emotional freedom. It's going to be hard but you'll get there and it won't always hurt this way. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 The only way you're going to start moving on and feeling better is if you cut him out of your life. You're just clinging to the crumbs he throws at you and he's keeping in contact and seeing you once a week or so because he's weaning himself off of you. He doesn't want to be IN a relationship with you, but going cold turkey is a bit of a shock so instead he's going to talk to you when he feels like it and he's going to ask you to hang out whenever he feels like it. The relationship ended. You guys are nothing anymore and instead of healing and moving on you just sit around waiting for the next time he contacts you. It's going to be tough in the beginning but each day that passes that you don't speak to him or see him are going to get better and better. And then one day you're going to wake up and realize you're perfectly fine, and happy without him. HOWEVER, that's only going to happen if you do the work. Focus on you and your life. Don't focus on him. Don't sit around hoping and waiting for contact. Get out into the world with your friends, meet new people, do new things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I would never say I told you so because people have to deal with their emotions in their own way and on their own timeline. Just as you did. I've been reading your threads and so very proud of you for blocking him. It's not about how you got here, but that you got here. So, kudos for having the courage to finally take that step towards your emotional freedom. It's going to be hard but you'll get there and it won't always hurt this way. :bunny: thank you! it definitely wasn't easy! and it will be a day to day commitment and struggle for awhile. but now the hard part is over. strict no contact and blocking are the only ways to move on. Trust me, I've tried every other way! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 The only way you're going to start moving on and feeling better is if you cut him out of your life. You're just clinging to the crumbs he throws at you and he's keeping in contact and seeing you once a week or so because he's weaning himself off of you. He doesn't want to be IN a relationship with you, but going cold turkey is a bit of a shock so instead he's going to talk to you when he feels like it and he's going to ask you to hang out whenever he feels like it. The relationship ended. You guys are nothing anymore and instead of healing and moving on you just sit around waiting for the next time he contacts you. It's going to be tough in the beginning but each day that passes that you don't speak to him or see him are going to get better and better. And then one day you're going to wake up and realize you're perfectly fine, and happy without him. HOWEVER, that's only going to happen if you do the work. Focus on you and your life. Don't focus on him. Don't sit around hoping and waiting for contact. Get out into the world with your friends, meet new people, do new things. Katzee, another great poster who really helped me too. Thank you OP, we just have to do what is best for us! and that is letting them go. Block him now, don't wait for another year like I did. You'll just be wasting your time and prolonging the inevitable. Get your power back! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Thanks Ive tried to go no contact before but literally after 4 days I couldn't stop myself saying Hi but at night time I seem to be OK but then in the mornings I feel very very depressed and have the instant urge to talk to him Im not sure how I can go about getting therapy I dont work at the moment so I have literally no money at all. I keep meaning to go to the doctors and get some sort of anti-depressants but ive heard you feel worse before you feel better and if i feel any worse I really dont think I could take it anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Katzee, another great poster who really helped me too. Thank you OP, we just have to do what is best for us! and that is letting them go. Block him now, don't wait for another year like I did. You'll just be wasting your time and prolonging the inevitable. Get your power back! As hard as your struggle has been, I truly hope this is the beginning of the end to this torturous cycle with this guy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Ok Thanks Just a small update.... My mum has just come in from work and said she has received several calls from my ex and hes even attempted to call the home phone etc... Ive been avoiding my phone all day but just went to look and I have several messages saying the normal crap from him 'Hi, wuu2, are u there' and things like that, why does he do this!! Im trying to NC him but its hard now hes starting on my mums and house phone and if I completely ignore him he may think something bads happen and turn up.. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Ok Thanks Just a small update.... My mum has just come in from work and said she has received several calls from my ex and hes even attempted to call the home phone etc... Ive been avoiding my phone all day but just went to look and I have several messages saying the normal crap from him 'Hi, wuu2, are u there' and things like that, why does he do this!! Im trying to NC him but its hard now hes starting on my mums and house phone and if I completely ignore him he may think something bads happen and turn up.. What stops you from telling him to please stop contacting you and your family as you need to have complete NC with him in order to heal from the break-up. You have a choice in this. You're not a victim nor are you helpless in helping yourself enforce whatever needs to be done to help you move forward. I have a feeling you like the attention. Attention in any form is an indication to you that he cares enough to reach out and that validates you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Hey guys thanks for the feedback, just another update. Ignored him yesterday and he hasn't tried to contact me today but for some reason im feeling worse than ever! Ive made a doctors appointment for tomorrow morning but im not sure what will come out of that, I wish there was some miracle drug to mend heartbreak and I cant go through another day feeling like this so I plan on drinking enough vodka to make me forget him even if its just for the day after the doctors. I keep thinking about him getting with other women sooner or later and its really hurting my head and tummy and heart, literally in a very dizzy horrendous bubble today! x Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Drinking only makes things worse. When you avoid dealing with your feelings, when you suppress them you only make things worse. Temporary highs are always followed by worse lows. babycakes do you have many friends you can talk to? How are things at home with your mother/father? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Hello, I no it makes it worse the next day but im struggling so much I just want to feel the beautiful feeling of being pain free and even though its a 'fake high' for a few hours. And from the relationship and me spending so much time with my bf I became more distant with my friends and even though I still class them as my best friends they are all in happy relationships & dont live close-by anymore and we arnt that close anymore and in a way I get jealous if I see them and they are talking about there wonderful bfs. I love my parents & they love me but they are getting angry with me being so down saying things like 'When are you going to snap out of this!' and 'youre going to make us all depresed being so miserable' and shouting at me which is making me not feel any better x Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Your parents just want you to do, what we here want you to do and that is to try start helping yourself. I mean if I told you I was suicidal over my ex, that I was drinking vodka to help me get over the pain, do you think she should take me back? babycakes we have all been here. When we get older we eventually make sense of why things turned out the way they did. Sadly right now you are just too emotional to understand any of all this. At your age, boyfriends come and go. Everything seems a far bigger deal then it actually is. There are people out there with no family to love them. With no money, no house to live in. There are people who have to deal with all kinds of everyday strife that you simply wouldn't believe. Yet they do it with tremendous dignity and courage. If they can, so can you. I bet if you spend one week in their shoes, you would look at this breakup through entirely different eyes. You making this out to be the end of your life, the end of your world. When reality it's only a small blip in the journey called life. In 10 years time you will hardly remember a single thing about this guy. It is very sad to see someone so young and beautiful wasting precious time in her life, over a guy she was never meant to end up with it. You are not the first person in the world to suffer a broken heart and you won't be the last. At some stage you have to tap into your inner strength. To drag yourself up by the bootlaces. I mean if your best friend was going through what you are going through, what would your advice be to her? Just try take yourself outside your own 'box' for a second... Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 btw, I added you on Facebook. Message me anytime Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 I no and i am thankful for everyone trying to help me. And I think ive actually gone past the caring what he thinks stage and even if I did care its not like he will no what im doing in my stupid life, before when we've spoke apart from the odd emotional overflow I manage to make myself seem happy & cheery like there's nothing wrong. If only. I think what gets me as well is how up until I met him I had built up my confidence and had become a strong and independent woman. See when I was 12 I started being badly bullied and I didnt have one friend and it got to the point were I couldn't take it anymore and I had to be put in a special school as I was such a vulnerable target for bully's. But then when I turned 16 I went to college and thought 'Right, these people dont no me and I dont no them , Im going to act confident and strong' So i started acting that way and gained a group of close friends and I didnt have anyone teasing me so I guess after a couple of years it wasn't an act anymore and I had turned into a very happy, carefree , outgoing young women. I started to spend all my free time partying and getting with different guys (No more than kissing) but I never really felt any connections and these romances had faded with a month but I would still be in my party shoes again days after & I felt on top of the world. I didn't no what love was so i didn't no what I was missing. Then I met my ex, Id like to pretend he stopped my partying crazy ways, but he didn't, he just showed me how there was so much more happiness to be had by spending time with someone you have a connection with. I barely went out anymore we would spend our weekends curled up on his sofa watching rubbish movies & eating junk and my god I couldn't believe I always thought the party life was so good, falling in love with someone was heaven! And he made me feel so wanted, id never had someone put in as much effort and hard work as him, not meaning to sound big headed but he was amazed and over the moon he'd got me at first and I think about that then think how can it be this now? Him not wanting to see me. Crazy! He made me feel even stronger and even more confident so I thank him for that but now it just feels like its all been ripped from under my feet again and im back to being that 12 year old who was scared of the world and had nothing going for her! Sorry for rambling sometimes I get carried away with my stories.. lol x Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Younglove I dont have any requests, maybe you requested the wrong one?! Lol can you pm me your fb name and I will try & add you? x Link to post Share on other sites
od_dear1 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Younglove I dont have any requests, maybe you requested the wrong one?! Lol can you pm me your fb name and I will try & add you? x Would love to chat too We seem very similar in mindset at the moment! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xbabycakes Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Hi od_dear, maybe you could pm me your name and we can chat? Im still not sure how to pm on here x Link to post Share on other sites
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