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Why do they make it feel like its your fault?


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Hi everyone

 

I am about 5 weeks out of a break up with my ex who I was with for about 10 months. We had a few issues at the end due to my insecurities and he had his own issues too.

 

Anyway, I have been feeling much better about everything lately but I am still struggling with a few things he has texted to me since the break up including that he is sure I will be happier without him soon enough, that I didn't seem to care too much when we were together and even that he thought I was embarrassed to be with him. These statements are all untrue and I told him as much.

 

I guess my question is, why would he push the responsibility back to me if he broke up with me? I realise it takes two to tango and I am seeking help for my insecurity issues but I am having trouble getting over these thoughts that he has. We are now in no contact which has been helping heaps.

 

Has anyone else felt solely responsible for the break up even though they were the dumpee?

 

Thanks for reading.

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Ordinaryday

It's just human nature. everyone is the hero of their own life story and thus see things from their perspective. so they see things that help them as 'good' and things that do nothing for them as 'bad'.

 

People inevitably see your actions to them from their OWN perspective which can lead to severe misunderstandings because they probably don't realise WHY you said or did what you did, which can make them think you were being a jerk.

 

For example, the girl who dumped me, well we had problems but we were working through them but she appeared to be VERY insecure and constantly need reassurance about what I was doing and planned to do to work through everything. I was dumped on a tuesday morning - the day before she had rang me up at 11pm at night and we had had a lengthy heart to heart in which we both explained our positions, what we planned on doing, how we would work through everything, etc. she seemed happy with the call outcome. we had done this a lot.

 

And then the next day at 10am she texted me saying she wasn't 'sure' about what I planned on doing, and that she wanted me to outline in a step by step point exactly what I planned to do to advance the relationship. I was in a work meeting and got annoyed because we had been through this just the night before, so I got pissed and in the heat of the moment texted her saying I did not have time for this and that I would be there for her, but if she was not certain about us then she should dump me - she took that to heart, and that is exactly what she did, never heard from her again.

 

I don't think I was being rude, she caught me off-guard and expected me to outline exactly what I had said to her the night before, so I got pissed - I thought it was a bad way to dump me but I am sure in her mind I was being an insensitive jerk and she got rid of me.

 

Tough, but everyone sees things from their own way, which is why the other person is always the 'bad guy'.

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