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Healing and Moving On


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It's been a long time since I posted here and though this may help those who are suffering a breakup/heartbreak.

 

A year and a half ago my now ex g/f dumped me for her ex. We were friends from many years ago and re-connected and started dating. I/we felt so comfortable with each other because we already knew each other.

 

I fell head over heels for her and thought we would be together forever..(sound familiar?) We dated for a year then out of the blue she dumped me for her ex. Yeah I was a rebound.

 

I went thru all the pain and heartbreak that a lot of you are going thru now..couldn't eat..couldn't sleep..thought about her every second..couldn't focus..analyzed the b/u a billion times and hoped and prayed she would come back.

 

I then followed the great advise given to me here about No Contact and stuck with it even though it was extremely tough to do.

 

As the weeks turned into months I slowly started to heal and yes had some setbacks thru that time.

 

I am now and have been over her and the b/u for some time and actually realize she did me a favor (something you probably don't see now) Yeah I know...yours was special...it was a "perfect" relationship...I/we were so happy....he/she was the one for me etc.etc.etc.

 

My advise..go no contact and stick with it. Oh now you think if I don't contact him/her it will look like I don't care...that I'm not interested in them anymore... Bull Sh*t!

 

Do not contact them...do not send flowers...drive by their place..text or anything! Don't!

 

Move on with your life...Go thru the tears and pain and learn and grow from it..it's tough I know but it's something we will all go thru at one or more times in our life.

 

My new g/f and I are independent and she knows I love and trust her. She is free to do what she likes all I have to do is know so I won't be worried but it's not like she has to consult me.

 

I let her be her and she lets me be me..The by-product....we are inseparable...she knows she's free,but chooses to be by my side and I by her side.

 

The moral of the story....There is someone better out there...someone who won't hurt you....someone who will really love you for who you are.

 

A committed partner looks for a solution...an uncommitted partner looks for an escape.

 

It does get better..trust me it really does!

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Damsel in Distress
The moral of the story....There is someone better out there...someone who won't hurt you....someone who will really love you for who you are.

 

A committed partner looks for a solution...an uncommitted partner looks for an escape.

 

It does get better..trust me it really does!

 

Thank you so much for coming back to update us on how you struggled and healed. I'm so glad to hear how such a painful experience led you to the place you are now :)

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Come On Man
A year and a half ago my now ex g/f dumped me for her ex. We were friends from many years ago and re-connected and started dating. I/we felt so comfortable with each other because we already knew each other.

 

I fell head over heels for her and thought we would be together forever..(sound familiar?) We dated for a year then out of the blue she dumped me for her ex. Yeah I was a rebound.

 

Let me get this straight...

 

You knew your Ex for a long time before dating her, she was single, you were single and you dated a year.

 

Her feelings changed, she realized she wanted to be with her Ex and she dumps you because of that.

 

Like most people here, after being dumped... You were hoping, pleading, begging and doing everything under the sun to get a second chance with your Ex.

 

Explain this to me...

 

Why is okay for you to want / have a second chance with your Ex and not be a bad person but it's not okay for your Ex and her Ex to have a second chance and she is a bad person?

 

The moral of the story....There is someone better out there...someone who won't hurt you....someone who will really love you for who you are.

 

Your Ex didn't love you because she broke up?

 

Your Ex didn't love who you are because she dumped you?

 

Your Ex should have stayed with you even though she didn't want too so that she wouldn't hurt you?

 

What is love to you? Someone who dates or is in a relationship with you and no longer wants to be with you but stays anyway because they won't hurt you?

 

If your feelings change for someone you are dating or in a relationship with are you going to stay with them because you don't want to hurt them?

 

A committed partner looks for a solution...an uncommitted partner looks for an escape.

 

Any of the following things could happen with the new girl: Her feelings could change,, she wants to date around, she wants to be single, she wants a second chance with an Ex, she determines you are not the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with, etc. and there isnt a thing you can say or do or a solution that prevent her from breaking up with you.

 

Most break ups, there isn't a solution. That is why both of you date and enter into a relationship together. To answer a question, is this the person I want / will spend the rest of my life with?

 

If either one decides the answer is NO for WHATEVER reason, there is nothing wrong with that. Why should someone have to find a solution? Deny themselves happiness? Get your approval / permission?

 

I think you mean well with your post but your views of what dating, a relationship and a break up are / are not... is not a very good one or realistic.

 

Your Ex, your new girl or you did not stand in front of Family, Friends, God, etc. and make a vow to be together till death due you part. For you, you assume that the both of you did just by dwting or being in a relationship.

 

If your new girl dates you for a year and break ups with you...

 

How is that any different than what your Ex did?

 

You didn't agree / approve / give permission to your Ex and decided what your Ex did was wrong and therefore she is bad. What reasons or excuses do you approve of so the new girl doesn't suffer the fate of your Ex should she break up?

 

Truth is, if new girl does break up with you for ANY reason, you are going to think / feel / believe she is just as bad as your Ex because she didn't want to be with you and and she hurt you.

 

For someone who talks about freedom and how free the new girl is, she really isn't free at all. She is basically married to you in your mind but she doesnt know it. You have decided that she can't, shouldn't, won't break up. You have decided that she must come up with solutions over chosing her own happiness instead of breaking up with you.

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all_cats_rgray

This sucks for you; Was this person friends with their ex. Or did they just one day say "Iv made a mistake, and go back to their ex"

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why dont you tell the truth to the rest of the forum...

 

you stole your ex from her boyfriend at the time...

 

she wasnt single when you were asking her out to the movies, you knew she had a boyfriend

 

give me a break... "How they come is how they go"

 

a year and a half later you are still posting about it... you have been saying this ive got a new girlfriend line for a year now, yet you continue to keep posting here for self validation, like you are lying to yourself... oh wait you are

 

people that move on... actually do it, they dont feel the need or have the need to come to a breakup forum and post about it

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This sucks for you; Was this person friends with their ex. Or did they just one day say "Iv made a mistake, and go back to their ex"

 

I don't know all the details and don't really care anymore. I was a rebound and foolishly ignored all the red flags.

 

She had only been broken up with the ex. for a month or so before we "hooked up" and I believed her when she said she would never go back.

 

A painful but a learning lesson too.

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chelsea2011
Let me get this straight...

 

You knew your Ex for a long time before dating her, she was single, you were single and you dated a year.

 

Her feelings changed, she realized she wanted to be with her Ex and she dumps you because of that.

 

Like most people here, after being dumped... You were hoping, pleading, begging and doing everything under the sun to get a second chance with your Ex.

 

Explain this to me...

 

Why is okay for you to want / have a second chance with your Ex and not be a bad person but it's not okay for your Ex and her Ex to have a second chance and she is a bad person?

 

 

 

Your Ex didn't love you because she broke up?

 

Your Ex didn't love who you are because she dumped you?

 

Your Ex should have stayed with you even though she didn't want too so that she wouldn't hurt you?

 

What is love to you? Someone who dates or is in a relationship with you and no longer wants to be with you but stays anyway because they won't hurt you?

 

If your feelings change for someone you are dating or in a relationship with are you going to stay with them because you don't want to hurt them?

 

 

 

Any of the following things could happen with the new girl: Her feelings could change,, she wants to date around, she wants to be single, she wants a second chance with an Ex, she determines you are not the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with, etc. and there isnt a thing you can say or do or a solution that prevent her from breaking up with you.

 

Most break ups, there isn't a solution. That is why both of you date and enter into a relationship together. To answer a question, is this the person I want / will spend the rest of my life with?

 

If either one decides the answer is NO for WHATEVER reason, there is nothing wrong with that. Why should someone have to find a solution? Deny themselves happiness? Get your approval / permission?

 

I think you mean well with your post but your views of what dating, a relationship and a break up are / are not... is not a very good one or realistic.

 

Your Ex, your new girl or you did not stand in front of Family, Friends, God, etc. and make a vow to be together till death due you part. For you, you assume that the both of you did just by dwting or being in a relationship.

 

If your new girl dates you for a year and break ups with you...

 

How is that any different than what your Ex did?

 

You didn't agree / approve / give permission to your Ex and decided what your Ex did was wrong and therefore she is bad. What reasons or excuses do you approve of so the new girl doesn't suffer the fate of your Ex should she break up?

 

Truth is, if new girl does break up with you for ANY reason, you are going to think / feel / believe she is just as bad as your Ex because she didn't want to be with you and and she hurt you.

 

For someone who talks about freedom and how free the new girl is, she really isn't free at all. She is basically married to you in your mind but she doesnt know it. You have decided that she can't, shouldn't, won't break up. You have decided that she must come up with solutions over chosing her own happiness instead of breaking up with you.

 

Very powerful post. Thank you. It makes a lot of sense.

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why dont you tell the truth to the rest of the forum...

 

you stole your ex from her boyfriend at the time...

 

she wasnt single when you were asking her out to the movies, you knew she had a boyfriend

 

give me a break... "How they come is how they go"

 

a year and a half later you are still posting about it... you have been saying this ive got a new girlfriend line for a year now, yet you continue to keep posting here for self validation, like you are lying to yourself... oh wait you are

 

people that move on... actually do it, they dont feel the need or have the need to come to a breakup forum and post about it

 

Oh God not you again W. I don't come on here anymore asking for advise...I just try to give it from what I went thru....especially rebounds.

 

As far as me posting here again after a year it's so funny that your still here and have been here alot longer than I have.

 

Why are you still here?

 

I'm not here trying to prove anything to anyone...just giving advise.

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If you are giving people advice... tell them the truth that you were a girlfriend stealer and karma came back to bite you in the butt

 

Nice avoidance on my post... just an attack on me

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all_cats_rgray
why dont you tell the truth to the rest of the forum...

 

you stole your ex from her boyfriend at the time...

 

she wasnt single when you were asking her out to the movies, you knew she had a boyfriend

 

give me a break... "How they come is how they go"

 

a year and a half later you are still posting about it... you have been saying this ive got a new girlfriend line for a year now, yet you continue to keep posting here for self validation, like you are lying to yourself... oh wait you are

 

people that move on... actually do it, they dont feel the need or have the need to come to a breakup forum and post about it

 

So your implying he was a home wrecker. Aren't you making a assumption.

 

Yeah he's not over her. But really no one truly gets over people they love. Don't be so hard on him. He's giving good advice on being NC. And that dating someone fresh out of a relationship is a bad idea.

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He is a homewrecker and he knows it and has admitted it on these forums

 

Search his posts

 

He's pretending to be all coy and innocent... he knows and anyone with common sense can see that this post is pure BS Self Lying

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Very powerful post. Thank you. It makes a lot of sense.

 

As far as the ex. and after she dumped me...well like most of us here were selfish....we want them...we want to control their happiness..they have no say so....we are/were the right one ..not thinking about what they feel or who they really love.

 

I realized this and my ex. and I are now "part time" friends...friends only! I have no desire to ever be with her again but we are civil towards each other and talk now and then without any animosity or bringing up the past...it's over and I'm ok with it.

 

She has apologized....we made mistakes but we both learned from it and I personally don't want to carry hatred...anger or resentment with me..

 

And yes...my or anyones current g/f..b/f could dump anyone of us in a heart beat but that's a chance we all take.

 

We just take the lessons learned from other breakups/life....learn from those and move on.

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If you are giving people advice... tell them the truth that you were a girlfriend stealer and karma came back to bite you in the butt

 

Nice avoidance on my post... just an attack on me

 

You have NO clue...you believe you know it all when you don't. You were NOT there in/during my relationship (or anyones else) just like I wasn't there during yours.

 

Yes (others) please do read my posts/threads and you can be the judge.

 

Actually karma came back and bit her...

 

I'm still wondering why your still here soooooooooo much longer than I have? This is my 1st post in a long time and am just trying to help others...not to whine or seek advise or attack others who are trying to help.

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all_cats_rgray
He is a homewrecker and he knows it and has admitted it on these forums

 

Search his posts

 

He's pretending to be all coy and innocent... he knows and anyone with common sense can see that this post is pure BS Self Lying

 

Just looks like a rebound guy too me. But yeah it is odd that he was friends with her before the started dating.

 

Its like he was standing around waiting, to pick up her up when they broke up.

 

Humm, I don't know. I'v had guys wait around when iv been in relationships. They are called "friendzone guys" not really home wreckers. If he crossed the line when they where in a relationship he would be a home wrecker.

 

Seems more like the friendzone then the rebound.

 

I guess you just want him to admit he messed around with her when she was in the relationship. And if he did... that just seem's weak on her part.

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Just looks like a rebound guy too me. But yeah it is odd that he was friends with her before the started dating.

 

Its like he was standing around waiting, to pick up her up when they broke up.

 

Humm, I don't know. I'v had guys wait around when iv been in relationships. They are called "friendzone guys" not really home wreckers. If he crossed the line when they where in a relationship he would be a home wrecker.

 

Seems more like the friendzone then the rebound

 

We didn't... haven't seen/talked to each other in 10 years or more...I didn't even know she was still alive.

 

She found me on Facebook....then one thing led to another..

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all_cats_rgray
We didn't... haven't seen/talked to each other in 10 years or more...I didn't even know she was still alive.

 

She found me on Facebook....then one thing led to another..

 

Yeah the other guy is being a troll...

 

I guess it keeps this place exciting.

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I realized this and my ex. and I are now "part time" friends...friends only!

 

Just looks like a rebound guy too me. But yeah it is odd that he was friends with her before the started dating.

 

Its like he was standing around waiting, to pick up her up when they broke up.

 

Humm, I don't know. I'v had guys wait around when iv been in relationships. They are called "friendzone guys" not really home wreckers. If he crossed the line when they where in a relationship he would be a home wrecker.

 

Seems more like the friendzone then the rebound.

 

I guess you just want him to admit he messed around with her when she was in the relationship. And if he did... that just seem's weak on her part.

 

LOL at your quote after he posted his post

 

I dont care what he admits or doesnt, but him coming in here giving advice that he never follows is very hypocritical...

 

Its cute how another girl comes in here and defends the "nice" guy after calling him a chump

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all_cats_rgray
LOL at your quote after he posted his post

 

I dont care what he admits or doesnt, but him coming in here giving advice that he never follows is very hypocritical...

 

Well, he should not be part time friends.

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LOL at your quote after he posted his post

 

I dont care what he admits or doesnt, but him coming in here giving advice that he never follows is very hypocritical...

 

Its cute how another girl comes in here and defends the "nice" guy after calling him a chump

 

W. or what ever your "many" screen names are/were...well again I'm NOT here seeking or looking to follow anyones advice. I took the advice about going No Contact and how it worked for me.

 

I'm only giving a follow up on going No Contact and trying to help others who are suffering now....not to attack others who are only trying to help.

 

I took the advise given to me here and followed it......

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W. or what ever your "many" screen names are/were...well again I'm NOT here seeking or looking to follow anyones advice. I took the advice about going No Contact and how it worked for me.

 

I'm only giving a follow up on going No Contact and trying to help others who are suffering now....not to attack others who are only trying to help.

 

I took the advise given to me here and followed it......

 

but you didnt go NC... you are part time friends with your ex

 

meaning you talk with her from time to time... i cant be part time friends with someone i am in NC with

 

again... hypocritical.... stop feeding people BS

 

either move on( which you can't do when you continuously lie to yourself or others) or keep posting here

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ThatJustHappened
but you didnt go NC... you are part time friends with your ex

 

meaning you talk with her from time to time... i cant be part time friends with someone i am in NC with

 

again... hypocritical.... stop feeding people BS

 

either move on( which you can't do when you continuously lie to yourself or others) or keep posting here

 

Dude..why are you so mean?

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Wilson, give it a rest already. You've been on a witch hunt with Mike forever. He's moved on and just offering advice. It's not hurting anyone. Just let it be. On and on about the same thing for more than a year, the moment you sniff him on LS. Let go already.

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but you didnt go NC... you are part time friends with your ex

 

meaning you talk with her from time to time... i cant be part time friends with someone i am in NC with

 

again... hypocritical.... stop feeding people BS

 

either move on( which you can't do when you continuously lie to yourself or others) or keep posting here

 

Your a joke...... you haven't reached that level yet to where you can be civil with an ex. Grow up!

 

Time to time "talking" is an e-mail on holidays..birthdays. My N.C. time was a N.C. time of healing and moving on.

 

You still must have sooo much animosity/anger in your heart towards you ex. that you can't move on or forgive.

 

I'm still waiting to know why you continue to have/had so many screen names here and why YOU have been so active on this site for years???

 

I stop by now and then to help...give advise....nothing else....not make accusations about a relationship breakup that you really know nothing about....you only speculate.

 

How many times have you been suspended from here by accusing..attacking...acting like you were there in EVERYONES relationship..you knowing it all...all the dynamics of a relationship..a b/u when you know NOTHING! and coming up with your so called...I know everything about everyones b/u. You weren't there!

 

You are completely clueless in so many ways

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Wilson, give it a rest already. You've been on a witch hunt with Mike forever. He's moved on and just offering advice. It's not hurting anyone. Just let it be. On and on about the same thing for more than a year, the moment you sniff him on LS. Let go already.

 

Great advise...I'm here just returning the help given to me...nothing else.

 

Thanks

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Wilson, give it a rest already. You've been on a witch hunt with Mike forever. He's moved on and just offering advice. It's not hurting anyone. Just let it be. On and on about the same thing for more than a year, the moment you sniff him on LS. Let go already.

 

LOL did mike text you to come defend him? (please help me someone is calling me out for being a girlfriend stealer which i am but now im a good guy and want to help people)

 

if you believed he's moved on, ive got some swamp land in alaska i want to sell you

Edited by CptSaveAho
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