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Not keeping it together...


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After 4 months of our break up and me giving him the cold shoulder, I still miss him and I still wish/hope that we can be together again. I’ve been thru a 7 year relationship and forgot about that guy in a month, but this relationship that was just 8 months, I can’t. I find it hard to sleep and I am constantly thinking about him. I don’t break down and cry. Neither I stop my life for him, but nothing compares to me wanting to be with him more. I keep myself busy as much as possible, I try to put my interest in other guys and nothing. I don’t initiate contact with him, he usually texts me first. However, he always texts me late at night making me think numerous reasons of why he is texting. Is he lonely, horny, wants to talk, just numerous possibilities. I answer his late texts very rarely and when I do he tells me to go over but I always say no or it’s just a “hey, how are you?” “Are you okay?” conversation.

 

I tried to get back with him for a month and nothing. He never gave me any closure of things or reasons to not be together. So with that I decided to stop being nice and moved on in the sense of how to treat him but not my feelings. About a month ago he asked me to hang out and told him to leave me alone, that him and I had nothing to talk about, to respect my decision. I didn’t hear from him for 3 weeks and then a late text asking if I was okay. I don’t make sense of his texts sometimes because I think I have broken down the way man think and that is “to the point.”

 

I know you guys will all tell me NC, but honestly I feel like that is no help. I have been in NC with him for 2 months and felt exactly how I feel now. I am not weak or make myself vulnerable to him. I am able to keep myself up and talk to him like nothing is wrong to him so that is not an issue to me. I just these feelings that won’t go away and I am just falling to pieces. I feel like he is my missing piece what is keeping me from being completely happy. I sound pathetic.

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I think that the reason you still have those feelings for him is one of two things. 1. He was really that "someone" or had that "Something " special that you can't find in another man anywhere. -OR-

2. Every time he sends you texts you are brought back to how you felt when you were with him, or the lack of him texting you makes you think about whether he ever thinks of you at all.

I have been there. I really have no other advice other than I wouldn't answer his late night texts anymore. If you're able to, turn your phone to silent at a certain time at night and leave it there. Don't answer his texts til the next day and answer them honestly. Don't give him a chance to believe that something could bloom out of nothing. Don't be rude or disrespectful and he doesn't get the hint be bold and say "Listen, I don't mind receiving your texts or whatever, but I don't feel getting back together or hanging out is the right thing to do. I'm sorry that's how I feel" and politely ask him to not text you. Perhaps email would be better that way you can check them whenever you want to.

 

In the event of both/and that you want him to be texting you but you also want him to be leaving you ALONE, then I think it's an issue where you just aren't "over" him yet. Maybe you should take a few minutes to think about how to get "over" himand then take those steps to do so.

 

Good luck.

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1. I feel like he has that “something” that I am missing and been searching for. However, I wonder if it’s just me that feels that way.

 

2. Every time he texts me I don’t think or have flashback of how things used to be since the conversations are so to the point, there is no reminiscent involved. I don’t doubt that he thinks about me because the fact that he texts me and for other numerous reasons I know I am on his mind.

 

In these 4 months I have only answered his late texts twice and that was because I was out. However, every single night I put my phone on silent and put it inside my drawer to not see any light, sleep is precious to me. I always see his messages the next day and I don’t reply. When I told him to not talk to be again I was not rude or anything, I just tried to get my point across and I thought I did but he text again 3 weeks later.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing by pushing him away but I feel that if he doesn’t want to be with me then why should I be talking to him you know? I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him either but in acceptable hours of the day, not late at night. I am just so confused and hurting that I don’t know what to do. He has a big pride too so maybe I will never know what he really wants or wanted.

 

Next time he texts me I plan to tell him “I don’t mind you texting me but you are wasting your time by asking me to hang out at this time, my answer is always going to be “no”. You are making it seem like you want something else rather than my company or you got nothing better to do. If those are your reasons to text me then you might as well just stop. However, if hanging out like friends is what you are aiming for; do things the right way and let it be during acceptable hours of the day.”

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I think the best answer is no answer. You have told him various times not to text you and yet he still does. Why? Because you keep replying even if it is to say no. Stop replying to his texts and eventually he'll get the point.

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I know that... But I just wonder if I am doing the right or wrong thing by doing that when what I want is to be with him. I broke up with him in the jet I the moment and of course I had my reasons. I tried to make it better the next day and kept it going for a whole month but never got anything from him so that's why I am pushing him away now. However, he is always contacting me and it makes my head spin. I am pushing away a person that I love and its difficult.

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Yes!! You are doing what's right for you. Didn't you try getting back with him for a month, without result? I think at this point all you have left is to move on. I mean, if you already tried and it didn't happen, then what are you still hoping for? :/

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all_cats_rgray
After 4 months of our break up and me giving him the cold shoulder, I still miss him and I still wish/hope that we can be together again. I’ve been thru a 7 year relationship and forgot about that guy in a month,

 

you had a 7 year relationship and forgot about that guy in a month...thats kind of messed up.

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you had a 7 year relationship and forgot about that guy in a month...thats kind of messed up.

 

Lol, that's not really the point.

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I know that... But I just wonder if I am doing the right or wrong thing by doing that when what I want is to be with him. I broke up with him in the jet I the moment and of course I had my reasons. I tried to make it better the next day and kept it going for a whole month but never got anything from him so that's why I am pushing him away now. However, he is always contacting me and it makes my head spin. I am pushing away a person that I love and its difficult.

 

I'm confused. In your earlier post, you said that you were going to tell him the the answer is always going to be "no", but you are saying here that you want him back? What gives? It seems you kind of don't know what you want. I think you should make up your mind one way or another and commit to your decision. I think you would feel better (a little anyways). You've got one foot in the door, and one foot out, and you're telling him not to let you in, but you won't let him close the door. I'm sorry you hurt, but you are kinda stuck in no mans land.

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Yes!! You are doing what's right for you. Didn't you try getting back with him for a month, without result? I think at this point all you have left is to move on. I mean, if you already tried and it didn't happen, then what are you still hoping for? :/

 

Yea I that what I keep telling myself. I guess I am took stuck on that "hope" that probably is not there. Thanks for your honest advice.

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I'm confused. In your earlier post, you said that you were going to tell him the the answer is always going to be "no", but you are saying here that you want him back? What gives? It seems you kind of don't know what you want. I think you should make up your mind one way or another and commit to your decision. I think you would feel better (a little anyways). You've got one foot in the door, and one foot out, and you're telling him not to let you in, but you won't let him close the door. I'm sorry you hurt, but you are kinda stuck in no mans land.

 

Maybe you are not understanding me. I will keep saying no to hanging out with him late at night, to me that is just a booty call type of thing and that's not what I want. If he text me during the day, I would say yes. I do know what I want and that is to be with him. I just don't know what he wants.

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