blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 So after 2 months I get an email from my ex. Here's some pieces: -"My intention has never been to hurt you" -I'm hurting too but I think you should know that. -This wasn't an easy decision and I hope you don't think it was one I made lightly. - You were my best friend - I have a lot of stuff to work on and that has been my focus. -My unhappiness with myself wasn't healthy for our relationship. I have never felt good enough at anything or for anyone. Then to her agenda: "My dad told me you are moving out (which obviously I get) but we do need to talk about (the dog) then. She's both of ours and we both love her so much. So we need to figure out how to work this. I think it's best to communicate through email if possible- I think meeting in person would be too hard on both of us." (I rent from her father, who still "loves me like a son") My dilema is how do I respond. I know she left for another man (boy) her client, and if she couldn't handle a relationship how'd she get right back into one. She doesn't know I know. My best guess is she thinks I'm still waiting for her and hoping her to run back. I'm not I need advice on how to respond if I do at all. I've decided to give it atleast 48 hrs, but could use advice on tone. So far I was thinking along the lines of simple and sweet --We'll talk when you can finally be honest with me. Until then I can't trust you or what you're saying-- Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 My dilema is how do I respond. How hard is it for people to understand no contact? You can't declare it for other people, that means she didn't break no contact. You however, can control your actions. Step back for a second and pretend you're a rational person. They are hard to come by, but a rational person would think 2 steps ahead and try and figure out what the best/worst/most likely outcome will be from responding to her. Nothing good will come from responding, so don't. Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Why do u need to trust her? Do you not think it's about the dog or u mean trust in general? Getting someone to tell the truth is still trying to get somewhere with her. Just cos u force it out of her...she's still not trustworthy...that's not really how it works. Honesty should be a given, and free. It's not there so no matter what truth or lies she tells you, trust can't be won back. Sounds like you want to also keep ur hooks into her a little too... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I know a part of me as twisted and unlogical as it is wants her back. That feeling is getting smaller by the day however. But I want to throw it in her face that she's not the sweet and innocent girl who is lost thats she's playing. I want her to know that what she did is known. She is coasting along keeping her image intact. When the truth is she left and may have cheated on me with a teenage client of hers from therapy. She can't take anyone not liking her. And that's why I got lied to instead if dumped. She didn't have the courage to do the right thing then. But now I think just leaving it alone may best. She asked for NC, and I respected that. So now that she's needs something out of it, it's ok.. I'm thinking delete and ignore. I need to move on or I'll keep struggling in the quicksand she creates. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I still don't know why you haven't reported her. What she did was unprofessional and unethical. If you talk to her Dad, then let him know what happened. Make it sound like he already knows. "Yeah, sorry to leave you in a bind like this but I can be around while she's in a relationship with that kid that she been giving "therapy" sessions to. It's just too painful. What? You didn't know? Sorry, I thought you knew!" Her Dad will light her up if you still feel like you can't report her. Trust me on that one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 oooh Chi town u are baaad but i like it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 My brain says blow the whistle; Although I think it's my heart that is stopping me. I need more time away and that's why I think deleting the E-mail, see a therapist and moving out needs to be my agenda. I think deep down me reporting her means its final. It is already final, but I haven't accepted it. I want to, I need to, I haven't yet. It was 7 years of everything I wanted. Then she's someone totally different. A lying, cheating, manipulating , unethical b****. It is no fun when you know the right answer but won't accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Her words mean nothing right now because she has an agenda and a laughable one at that. She cares more about this dog than she does about you. If she is in a relationship with her client and yet is still saying all those things to you then I feel bad for anyone this woman comes into contact with. Unethical, lying, and a twisted sense of priorities. Simply do not respond because she doesn't deserve any response. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 i think i missed something but she is in a sexual relationship with a teenager she has been councelling? Psychiatry? therapy? psychotherapy? Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 yeah the dog just sounds like her bargaining chip...she seems more interested in mixing and manipulating things with people than having healthy relationships....what kind of mental health professional did u say she was again? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 i think i missed something but she is in a sexual relationship with a teenager she has been councelling? Psychiatry? therapy? psychotherapy? YEP! Apparently, she's a therapist for troubled teens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 i think i missed something but she is in a sexual relationship with a teenager she has been councelling? Psychiatry? therapy? psychotherapy? Yes she left me for a client. She's a licensed therapy counselor at a teenage drug and alcohol rehab(alternative to juvie). She left me to be with a client, who has since been sucessfully released from the program. I found out all this and she has no idea I know. So she plays the Im hurting, I can't be in a relationship it wouldn't be fair to that person, I need to fix myself. Yet she IS in a relationship. Telling people how happy she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 "Professional" is a streeeeeetch. Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 With the way she is acting, she should consider seeing a mental health professional herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 No no no no no that is sick!!! She KNOWS what she is doing is wrong and is also taking the piss as she is supposed to be giving therapy to these kids not using them and making them even more troubled (probably gets turned on by their confused youth and dependence on her)!!! I'd understand if she was anyone else to them but their therapist. F***** up. I'd go with what someone else suggested. Tell her dad. My dad would lynch me if i did something like that and bring me back down to earth with a hard thud. Eugh. She is gross. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 And just to add, i know some kids/teenagers can be manipulative themselves and worldly but she is the adult, she is the professional, she has a job to do, and no where does any of what she is actually doing, apply. Boundaries man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I think you hit the nail on the head: (probably gets turned on by their confused youth and dependence on her)!!! . She's always been emotionally sensative an reliant(first attached to her mom, then me) Now she's get's a kid who thinks the world of her and she's the stable one in the realtionship so fireworks. I've even made an appointment for a therapist myself because I know through all this I know I shouldn't even have a shadow of a doubt about her, but I miss her sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Of course! your feelings are real no matter whether she was the best woman in the world or not. Sometimes feelings exist and remain even when the person we had them for is no longer around, or wasnt who we thought they were adn fell in love with....messed up but that seems common. A quote post break up: Dear tummy, sorry for all the butterflies Dear heart, sorry for all the damage Dear brain, you were right! Unfortunately my brain thought my ex WAS great and that it was circumstances etc that were at fault...until i discovered evidence to the contrary. Thats when my brain kicked into action 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I guess it says a lot that I feel so disgusted and guilty even being close to her mess, that she needs to take a out a mirror and look what she's created with her life. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Omg shes with a teenager? How old is she? It surely will not last and on top of that its extremely unprofessional.. You can do better BH..that is disrespectful and I find it very unattractive what she did.. I know you may still love her, and thats fine But shes doing isnt right and she should know that...I would stick with NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjess1951 Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Maybe I'm missing parts of the story but if an ex broke up with me and left me to take care of our dog, I'd laugh in her face if she decided to show up 2 months later wanting to discuss making arrangements moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Omg shes with a teenager? How old is she? It surely will not last and on top of that its extremely unprofessional.. You can do better BH..that is disrespectful and I find it very unattractive what she did.. I know you may still love her, and thats fine But shes doing isnt right and she should know that...I would stick with NC Shes 25 and he's anywhere between (16-18) He's a recent client of hers as she's a therapist at a teenage drug and alcohol rehab. (Step before Juvie). She has no idea I know all this. No one does. I have no idea how or why I still love this shell of a girl I once knew. And that tears me apart. She went from sweet innocent girl with a huge heart to a horrible person I don't even recognize. And thats part of the problem I make excuses for the, thinking it's a breakdown or mental disorder. But truth be told I need to face facts and she needs to face the music for what she's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Shes 25 and he's anywhere between (16-18) He's a recent client of hers as she's a therapist at a teenage drug and alcohol rehab. (Step before Juvie). She has no idea I know all this. No one does. I have no idea how or why I still love this shell of a girl I once knew. And that tears me apart. She went from sweet innocent girl with a huge heart to a horrible person I don't even recognize. And thats part of the problem I make excuses for the, thinking it's a breakdown or mental disorder. But truth be told I need to face facts and she needs to face the music for what she's doing. And in time she WILL face and see how ridiculous shes being if she doesnt than she's a lost cause. Because thats just insane.. and trust me IT WONT LAST at all..and when it does fail be prepared just in case she comes back to seek you out. I know the pain you're going through how they could change intoba different person What helps me is I tell myself that the guy that left me isnt the one I fell in love with..in a way he has "died" and now someone I dont know anymore has taken over him. Hes changed and is a different person in many ways.. Stay strong BH..I know forba fact you deserve better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjess1951 Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Shes 25 and he's anywhere between (16-18) He's a recent client of hers as she's a therapist at a teenage drug and alcohol rehab. (Step before Juvie). She has no idea I know all this. No one does. Um, first and foremost, if she is 25 and she is possibly seeing a 16 or 17 year old, that is ILLEGAL. Like statutory rape. Like go to jail. And then if she is a licensed therapists, I'm pretty sure there is some law against dating your patients. Isn't that a conflict of interest?? I'd run far far away from this girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blindhope Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Thanks everyone. Support is much appreciated as getting left for a teenage drug addict with criminal history, no job and no education really makes me look in the mirror and think. She does completely disgusts me with who she's become. And finding out made leap years of a difference in healing and moving o, It's just hard for my head to convince my heart that their both talking about the same person. I'm not sure of his age, but they need to be minors to go into the program(otherwise they'd be in jail, classy gal I know) But it is possible he turned 18 while in program. I do know he is in high school thought. Either way it's no excuse. And I am running, actually just put an offer on a house! Right now I rent from her parents , a block away from her(They are really good to me) but I don't want to be within reach when her world comes crumbling down, and she'll have no idea where I am! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts