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Should I fight for her?


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AloneInParadise

I posted here the other day with my story, and if it's possible to look at what I wrote it would make this allot easier. However, in a nutshell, I'm 32 she just turned 25. I'm her first boyfriend, she fell hard, and I moved her in with me 2 years ago when I moved to California from MI. Now she's confused and needs time to figure out what she wants.

 

I get this email yesterday from her:

 

"I'm trying to get into the place I want by friday, in which case will try to have all my stuff out by Saturday at morning I might not get the place till Monday though, but I will keep you posted.

 

I love you aaron and I really hope you call me. I just want to hear your voice and talk to you why won't you call me? I miss you so much and I'm so lonely without you. Please, I am begging you , PLEASE call me. I want nothing more than for you to hold me in your arms right now. I love you so much and I can't stand this."

 

I can't talk or hear her voice because my heart is broken. She wanted to move out and It hurts me to take such a big step back. If this is what she wanted, why is she doing this to me?

 

In addition to all this pain, I have other things to focus on like finding employment. My company closed down and I may have to move in with my brother, which is killing me. I lost my love, my job, and I am sitting up here on this mountain in the middle of nowhere going out of my mind!

 

I know I need to speak with her at some point, or do I? Should I just ignore her until she gets all her stuff out, or should I fight for her and start our relationship back gradually? This is what I want to do but my pride is getting in the way. So lost, scared and confused.

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garnettandblack84

tough spot man, when she said she wanted to move out, did she say it was because she wanted to break up completely or just wanted some space? If she said it's over then you have to stay on the path man, she is leaving breadcrumbs and is hurting and lonely right now. Is she staying in cali?

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That is definitely a tough call. She didnt say anything about getting back together. She's simply being somewhat selfish and wanting you to hold her. For what? So she can more easily move on knowing that you are gonna be there to make the transition easier every time she gets lonely? Tread lightly. Be careful, this is a delicate situation. I understand you want her back, but make sure that's what she's saying.

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If your anything like me you will fight. I think it is important to fight for something you want. The best advice i got from my ex's girlfriend is to give her space and show her with your actions, not your words that you are willing to work through this. You know what is important to her, if you are serious you make those changes for yourself and to show her you still love her.

I wish you luck my friend.

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AloneInParadise

When she initially brought this up 10 days ago or so, she came home crying saying "she didn't think we are right for each other and wants to break up"

 

Then a couple days after she says she wants to live separately, take it slowly, and figure out if we are right for each other.

 

I can't do that because I love her and know she is the one for me.

 

Garnettandblack,

 

She is staying here and is getting her own place. She has a job to do so. Me...I have to crawl up to my brothers in a month or release my apartment and be broke as can be until I find a job.

 

You guys are right though. She didn't say she wants to get back together, she is simply trying to keep me at arms reach when she wants me.

 

If she wanted space and her own independence I will give her what she wants. But I can't talk to her and she, as well as I, will have to deal with that.

 

It's amazing how everything can fall apart so quickly.

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Did you notice she only said she loved you in the last sentence???

 

Hey, she made a decision, tell her to stand by it and man up, if it were you in her shoes we'd be calling you limpwristed and to grow a pair of balls!!

 

You are your number one priority, you need to focus on one thing at a time and the most important thing to focus on first, is getting a job, which will give you a boost and some stability back in your life.

 

I wish you luck.

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No, don't chase her!

 

IF she really wanted to be with you - she wouldn't be changing things so that she's on her own!

 

She wants you as her "safety net" - while she dates other guys... Don't be her back burner guy...

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No, don't chase her!

 

IF she really wanted to be with you - she wouldn't be changing things so that she's on her own!

 

She wants you as her "safety net" - while she dates other guys... Don't be her back burner guy...

 

 

times 2

 

Its one thing to fight for a girl, its another to be a sucker. This is not a tough call. Don't be a sucker and do not chase her and do not contact her for anything. The sooner you do this the sooner you can move on.

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AloneInParadise

Thank you, everyone!

 

If she continues to call or email I will continue to ignore her. I'm sure she'll send an email by Monday saying she is in her new place. When that happens I will go back home and continue to look for a job in April. If one doesn't arise I will be forced to move in with my brother to continue my search.

 

This will put an hour drive in between us and she will be free to do as she chooses. But I will not be her back up guy.

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AloneInParadise

I got another email yesterday morning saying she will be out by Sunday afternoon. She just stated that, and I must admit I'm sad that she didn't say anything else.

 

Now I am not looking forward to going home on Monday to a shell of an apartment without her and half the stuff we accumulated. Especially since I can't make it home again because I have to be out by May 1 because I can't afford to re-lease. That is unless I find a job this month, but the California market is awful in San Diego right now and I know it's going to be some time before I gain employment.

 

I miss her so much and I just want to call her to tell her I love here, miss her, and need her. I know I can't though.

 

Well, at least I have my lab. it's just him and I again...till the end.

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Does she still have stuff to pick up at your place? If so, pack it - and tell her it will be at the curb - and if she wants it, to pick it up!

 

Move to your brothers. Get a job (any job is better than no job) - and start looking forward!

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AloneInParadise

I just received an email saying she got the last of her stuff and I can come back whenever. She kept it simple and sweet, but it killed me to read that.

 

Now that she has everything it is time to block her emails and move forward as best as possible. She hasn't heard my voice in over 1 week and I know it's killing her.

 

I am going to try to have a nice Easter with my brother's family today and will go home tomorrow to finish the last month of my place before I move in with my brother.

 

I really hope that my ex is happy and she is getting what she wants. I know I am not.

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Keep your chin up and your head high brother. This road sucks for us all but finding the strength to get through it by ourselves is what will make us better people in the long run.

 

I fought for my ex for years. I was the one to fight and it did not good. You shouldn't have to fight for someone to stay in your life unless you made a huge mistake like cheating or something of the sort. All my fighting and trying and going the extra mile was for nothing.

 

She actually had the audacity to tell me in our last exchange that she guesses she was not worth fighting for and deserves someone that will fight for her. I reminded her that she was the one saying goodbye and that I fought for years for her when she ran away and then she quickly changed it to she doesn't want to fight WITH me!

 

I will never fight for her again. Don't fight for someone who doesn't know what they want. I know you want to fight because you are absolutely certain she is what you want. But she doesn't feel the same, like my ex doesn't feel the same and we have to save what we can give to a woman that wants to be there without a fight. She is there because there is no where else she would rather be.

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AloneInParadise

I know I am going to go home to a letter telling me how sorry she is and that I'll find someone new and that she wants us to be friends blah blah blah.

 

THe BIG QUESTION is...do I read the letter or find strength to simply throw it away? I know if I read it, it will kill me and it won't say anything that she hasn't said before.

 

I'm supposed to be the older and stronger person here, but I feel like she has taken it all away from me when she left.

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AloneInParadise

More emails tonight. One simply says "I miss you so much", and the other says "please call me".

 

Is she starting to think she made a mistake, or is she mad she can't get a hold of me? She has been emailing me about every day. I don't want to be a fool and think I can get her back when I can't. But....if there is a chance...

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