GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 To delete or not to delete? That is the question? Facebook has been the last refuge of contact that has remained. At first the justification was easy to not delete friendship. I didn't want to make any sudden or drastic changes that could have been misconstrued as a manipulation, or an action for the sake of reaction. I wanted to remain unaffected, as if facebook means nothing. Also was hesitant because I was afraid that if I did delete / block that if I had a change of heart a new friend request wouldn't be excepted. It is I admit a way to have a peep into one ex's life. In my situation I know she'd never post anything substantial in the way of her new love life. She's way to slick to do that, but she would post things that she'd want me to see or know as she hasn't bothered to block or unfriend me either, atleast not yet. I also get to look at the pictures she posts of our child, which brings me to the verge of tears, but who I adore looking at anyway. I know NC is supposed to mean NC, but hardly a day goes by where I can't help but tune in to check her mood and what she has to post today. I can't deny that it does have an impact on me knowing those small tidbits of what's going on in her life. When she's happy, i'm sad, but when she seems down I feel better as I believe she thinks about me like I think about here. One post she admits missing "people", and her friends and family jumped right on her reminding her that it will pass. I was never much into facebook, so me not posting anything, comments, or likes is nothing new, although I have been extra careful not to make my presence known. She does however know that I am there, as I did wish Happy Birthday to family. Outside of this social media NC has been going strong for 5 weeks now. For those in NC, do you unfriend / block your ex or not?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Ill never understand why people torture themselves with this crap. Who even knows if its true anyway? Many people just post stuff that isnt even reality... TFOY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I've been torturing myself with Facebook for two weeks. I deleted her and her friends on Sunday. Hoping the steam train will lose speed as I run out of coal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 DELETE! You are unnecessarily torturing yourself. Its not your concern anymore as to what she thinks or feels. She broke up with you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Fire hurts, and yet you keep touching it. I went NC immediately and after a while when I realized I wanted to use FB again I'd have to block her and remove any mutual friends. Why you are so concerned about how she perceives things shows that you are not thinking of yourself. At this time you have to think of yourself first because she is no longer in your lufe. Link to post Share on other sites
polyglot Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 To delete or not to delete? That is the question? Facebook has been the last refuge of contact that has remained. At first the justification was easy to not delete friendship. I didn't want to make any sudden or drastic changes that could have been misconstrued as a manipulation, or an action for the sake of reaction. I wanted to remain unaffected, as if facebook means nothing. Also was hesitant because I was afraid that if I did delete / block that if I had a change of heart a new friend request wouldn't be excepted. It is I admit a way to have a peep into one ex's life. In my situation I know she'd never post anything substantial in the way of her new love life. She's way to slick to do that, but she would post things that she'd want me to see or know as she hasn't bothered to block or unfriend me either, atleast not yet. I also get to look at the pictures she posts of our child, which brings me to the verge of tears, but who I adore looking at anyway. I know NC is supposed to mean NC, but hardly a day goes by where I can't help but tune in to check her mood and what she has to post today. I can't deny that it does have an impact on me knowing those small tidbits of what's going on in her life. When she's happy, i'm sad, but when she seems down I feel better as I believe she thinks about me like I think about here. One post she admits missing "people", and her friends and family jumped right on her reminding her that it will pass. I was never much into facebook, so me not posting anything, comments, or likes is nothing new, although I have been extra careful not to make my presence known. She does however know that I am there, as I did wish Happy Birthday to family. Outside of this social media NC has been going strong for 5 weeks now. For those in NC, do you unfriend / block your ex or not?? Avoid any possible contact with her. Don't get emotional brother, what use is it? Who is listening to your cry? It's all you, all you. I am sure you have friends to care about you. Go and spend time with them. The more you cry, the more you want to. You go into depression. So much will your friends say "it will pass", so will her friends, what's so abnormal in this. Right? Why do you even care for such things? Facebook doesn't reflect the emotional reality of the profile owner. Simply put, the sh-- they are actually dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
js1967 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 You admitted it, she does still have impact on you... Bud, hit that delete button. Its tough, take a breath, do it, you will regret it right after you do it too...just hang tough and wade through it. Just do it though, it gets better. You will get your control of yourself back and she wont have IMPACT on you anymore soon enough. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Damsel in Distress Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I agree with you guys that exposure to the ex through Facebook is painful. However, is this case different because there is a child involved? It sounds like Facebook is where GudDude sees photos and updates on his child, and I would imagine if he doesn't see it on Facebook, his ex is unlikely to be sending him frequent pictures and updates. What's the custody arrangement with your child, GudDude? Link to post Share on other sites
Cogee Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 One option in the case of a child is to set up a shared FB account where all photos pertaining to the child are uploaded and commented on. That account can then be used strictly for the child only and allow you to delete your ex, or block if necessary. You can then setup the privacy settings so that only Friends of Friends can view/comment/like etc. that way nobody is left out and you still have the benefit of not knowing what your ex is doing aside from the child photos. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 One option in the case of a child is to set up a shared FB account where all photos pertaining to the child are uploaded and commented on. That account can then be used strictly for the child only and allow you to delete your ex, or block if necessary. You can then setup the privacy settings so that only Friends of Friends can view/comment/like etc. that way nobody is left out and you still have the benefit of not knowing what your ex is doing aside from the child photos. Yeah... That ^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
polyglot Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I agree with you guys that exposure to the ex through Facebook is painful. However, is this case different because there is a child involved? It sounds like Facebook is where GudDude sees photos and updates on his child, and I would imagine if he doesn't see it on Facebook, his ex is unlikely to be sending him frequent pictures and updates. What's the custody arrangement with your child, GudDude? Yes, I agree with damsel in distress, attachment to the child can be the issue. Who is the legal guardian of the child? If you do, then you should have it with you. If it's not, you must do something to share your love with your child. If you can decide this, you'll feel better. It's better to connect to your kid than to have any kind of attachment to your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GudDude2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 I do believe it has more to do with my baby, and not just an excuse to not delete. In a way it is helping me to separate the two and if given the opportunity I will set up a separate account for my child.....that was a good idea, although I don't think i'll be putting in all that much effort. Once I set our custody agreement in stone then DELETE it shall be.....and I won't regret it! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Get rid of fb. I deleted my profile almost two years ago and have not missed it. In my opinion it is only 5% good and the rest I believe has reduced adults to communicating like a 16 year old. It can be so hurtful. And the thing is, even if you delete her and every mutual friend, there will come a point where a photo will pop up anyway (untagged) and you can't help that. For me that fueled the intrigue and I would start digging for more info and it made me feel sick and disgusted and hurt - its easier not to have it at all. Just my .02 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Author GudDude2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 I finally unfriended my ex. I wanted to establish custody as I believed until that was accomplished, stalking her FB was permissible, but it can now no longer be used as an excuse. I am contemplating deleting my facebook account all together, but believe it can be a useful business tool through social media. I will no longer feed my curiosity about her and can now begin true healing. Thanx for the encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Fakebook, fakebook, OOOOOOO fakebook!!! DELETE!!!! Facebook is nothing just a bunch of "hey look how awesome I am" BS. I deleted mine and after a few months people called, text or emailed me for invites and such. You won't miss it after a few months, people will get used to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
itto ogami Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I did this instinctively within seconds of getting an actual Facebook dumping from a woman I'd seriously dated for five months - I was so insulted by this cavalier brush-off as well as the circumstances I deleted her as a friend and went into immediate NC -- which I have not broken in almost a month. Of course, I did check out her profile within the hour and she had already changed her status to "in a relationship" with the new guy she just started "dating" three days earlier. I quickly realized that some women are truly offended by being "unfriended" and changing her status was a petty way to piss me off (it actually highlighted what kind of person she was and why I should not be with her). She then had the nerve to send me a message a week later saying I should at least tell her she wasn't my friend anymore. After she dumped me in the lamest FB message ever. Free yourself of Facebook, it's like stabbing your wounds with a knife. You will heal quicker without that kind of self-torture. And tho revenge shouldn't be a factor, deletion really does mess with an ex's mind. Edited April 5, 2013 by itto ogami Link to post Share on other sites
mcdo Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Delete. I also tortured myself with it for far too long. Will I, won't I, will I, won't I? After a tough Valentines Day I deleted. I immediately regretted it and sent her a message to apologise (like a fool). She didn't care. And not long after that I found myself deleting every text and Facebook message (she was still able to send those) I got from her. Fantastic feeling being able to hit "Delete" every single time and getting on with your day happy and confident. Looking back, unfriending her (and every one of her friends) was a very important step towards recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Listen carefully: GET RID OF FACEBOOK ENTIRELY!!!! I got rid of it a few years ago, and I too never looked back as another poster said. TOTAL F$#ing GARBAGE!! REAL LIFE exists outside of the cyber world only!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Listen carefully: GET RID OF FACEBOOK ENTIRELY!!!! I got rid of it a few years ago, and I too never looked back as another poster said. TOTAL F$#ing GARBAGE!! REAL LIFE exists outside of the cyber world only!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
labyrinth1982 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Everyone should breaks from a partner should DELETE them from Facebook right away ! To start with it will cause you a lot of pain ! Do you really want to see how happy you're ex is ? Let me tell you what my Ex Fiancee did too me . She broke up with me and within a month she met a new guy and posted photos of them together on a day out !!! It hurt like hell ! right after that I deleted her and its the best thing I ever did . She went on to block me after LOL ! like that makes any sense when I deleted you. My advice is to delete because you will just keep wondering whats going on in her head , I'll tell you what is going on , She is moving on and is prob happy getting attention from someone else. All girls crave on attention from males........... Join me and respect you're self and move on and think about you , She doesnt care about you anymore but Ill tell you what my friend you will meet a girl who will love and adore you . move on x Link to post Share on other sites
notaneatfreak Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 an old friend of mine has her ex. her love of her life on her Facebook - they aren't together. she also has her other ex on her Facebook. she also has her ex's brother on Facebook and claims they're best friends but I know its because deep down she likes keeping tabs on her first ex, who broke her heart. I think its cruel to the person, to yourself, and I think that if the relationship is over you sever EVERYTHING. You will never get over it if you keep looking at their pages going o what if this o what if that. it is just a stupid page. If she dumped you you delete her. She doesn't deserve you. On Facebook or in real life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I deactivated my Facebook a month after the breakup. I could have just deleted him but we have so many mutual friends so he'd still be in the loop of my life, and since he broke things off I decided that means he doesn't get to spy on me thru my Facebook. Look at it this way, your ex made the choice to remove you from her life...so why should she get to know what you're upto?! Delete or deactivate and just take a break from social media for awhile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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