Respecting the girls space.. not respecting her own request.

[Vegas]

Long story short. My g/f (now ex) were together for a little over a year. I am the longest person she's ever been with. She recently asked to step back for a little from our relationship because she felt she was investing to much into us to fast and her emotions were getting to her.

 

I have read all over that if they want space, then give it to them and don't contact them. The thing is, SHE is the one contacting me every day. DO I respond or not? I feel like its just prolonging what she probably REALLY wants (break up) and she's to scared to just walk away. She's assured me how much she loves me and cares. Matter of fact, as I'm typing this she sent a text saying "I love you (" and "I'm sorry if it's hurting you that I text you but I miss you and I love you (". Here's an email she sent me to show her explanation a few days ago...

 

I type quicker than I text..

 

I'll try to make this as clear as possible. I feel that it would be best if we were apart for some time. I'm hoping that I will come to my senses and realize that you are the one for me. You've treated me amazing and have really shown your love for me. However I'm afraid that it's too soon for me to jump back in now because I don't feel ready, and I don't think that would be healthy. I don't want to jump in because it's comfortable being with you and I was used to having you because I'm afraid that that would just create more issues, I want to make sure that if we do get back together, it's because I TRULY want to be with you forever and realize how much I need you in my life. For example, I know you assume that Lauren cheated on you and not that I think I would do this, but I wouldn't want it to get to that point where I feel comfortable and then end up doing something like that that will actually hurt you more. Does that make sense...? I hope you don't take that as me saying that I was thinking of doing that. I would never do that to you. This certainly isn't easy for me and doesn't make me happy, but it does seem like the best decision for myself with where my head is at. I'm not doing this because I have someone else lined up that I can run to, I literally have no one, and that actually does scare me. Because once you're gone, I'm going to have to rely heavily on my friends but I'll be missing my best friend. It's def going to take some getting used to. I realize that it is uncomfortable and saddening for us to be talking and attempting to hang out when we aren't together. I guess for both of our sakes we will have to keep that to a minimum but of course you know that you can always come to me if you need me, no harm there. I don't expect you to wait for me but if it turns out that we both would like to try again down the road, that would be wonderful. Of course I'll still be getting jealous of other girls with you and still be thinking of you everyday. I was thinking maybe we could meet up, one more time though so maybe we could tie up some last loose ends. Maybe thursday? We could make a night out of it. If not, let me know so I can give you that ticket and you can go with someone.

 

I STILL love you. And I absolutely miss you.

 

 

She keeps sending me texts that she misses me and wants to kiss me. She bought me tickets to see a show for a v-day gift. We ended up still going together the other night since it was a gift and all. While at the show she kept pulling me into her and hugging me and kissing me and holding my hand. I'm really confused what it is she wants. I know I want her.. but I dont want to make that obvious because I want to feel like she wants me and I cant make someone do that. I plan to ignore her this week still. She's coming home for Easter to see family and I would like to see if she will go out of her way to see me (she lives down the street).

 

What do you think? Contact her? Or just ignore it and move on.. She has a really weird way of showing me she loves me and misses me..

[anna121]

Long story short. My g/f (now ex) were together for a little over a year. I am the longest person she's ever been with. She recently asked to step back for a little from our relationship because she felt she was investing to much into us to fast and her emotions were getting to her.

 

I have read all over that if they want space, then give it to them and don't contact them. The thing is, SHE is the one contacting me every day. DO I respond or not? I feel like its just prolonging what she probably REALLY wants (break up) and she's to scared to just walk away. She's assured me how much she loves me and cares. Matter of fact, as I'm typing this she sent a text saying "I love you (" and "I'm sorry if it's hurting you that I text you but I miss you and I love you (". Here's an email she sent me to show her explanation a few days ago...

 

I type quicker than I text..

 

I'll try to make this as clear as possible. I feel that it would be best if we were apart for some time. I'm hoping that I will come to my senses and realize that you are the one for me. You've treated me amazing and have really shown your love for me. However I'm afraid that it's too soon for me to jump back in now because I don't feel ready, and I don't think that would be healthy. I don't want to jump in because it's comfortable being with you and I was used to having you because I'm afraid that that would just create more issues, I want to make sure that if we do get back together, it's because I TRULY want to be with you forever and realize how much I need you in my life. For example, I know you assume that Lauren cheated on you and not that I think I would do this, but I wouldn't want it to get to that point where I feel comfortable and then end up doing something like that that will actually hurt you more. Does that make sense...? I hope you don't take that as me saying that I was thinking of doing that. I would never do that to you. This certainly isn't easy for me and doesn't make me happy, but it does seem like the best decision for myself with where my head is at. I'm not doing this because I have someone else lined up that I can run to, I literally have no one, and that actually does scare me. Because once you're gone, I'm going to have to rely heavily on my friends but I'll be missing my best friend. It's def going to take some getting used to. I realize that it is uncomfortable and saddening for us to be talking and attempting to hang out when we aren't together. I guess for both of our sakes we will have to keep that to a minimum but of course you know that you can always come to me if you need me, no harm there. I don't expect you to wait for me but if it turns out that we both would like to try again down the road, that would be wonderful. Of course I'll still be getting jealous of other girls with you and still be thinking of you everyday. I was thinking maybe we could meet up, one more time though so maybe we could tie up some last loose ends. Maybe thursday? We could make a night out of it. If not, let me know so I can give you that ticket and you can go with someone.

 

I STILL love you. And I absolutely miss you.

 

 

She keeps sending me texts that she misses me and wants to kiss me. She bought me tickets to see a show for a v-day gift. We ended up still going together the other night since it was a gift and all. While at the show she kept pulling me into her and hugging me and kissing me and holding my hand. I'm really confused what it is she wants. I know I want her.. but I dont want to make that obvious because I want to feel like she wants me and I cant make someone do that. I plan to ignore her this week still. She's coming home for Easter to see family and I would like to see if she will go out of her way to see me (she lives down the street).

 

What do you think? Contact her? Or just ignore it and move on.. She has a really weird way of showing me she loves me and misses me..

 

She is either a flake, a drama queen, or totally manipulative. But regardless, she is being very unfair.

 

If it were me, I'd ask her to not contact me until she clears up her "confusion." I wouldn't rush into anything new, but I certainly wouldn't consider myself offlimits either.

[Ruby Slippers]

I 100% agree that you should go No Contact. She wants to "be apart for some time" - that means being apart. Not texting how much she loves you all the time. Only take her back if she feels no more "confusion" about being with you. But don't wait around. Get on with your life. She's breaking up with you - though being wishy-washy and indecisive about it.

 

Chances are low that this will pick up in the future, but this back and forth nonsense is just a lot of drama that you don't need - it's not doing her any good, either. She needs to get her thoughts clear, and she's only holding onto the contact with you because she's scared not to have you to lean on, while knowing she's not fully invested.

[Vegas]

Well, here I am again. This girl and I got back together shortly after she broke it off with me. We spent another amazing year together. Traveled across country and really I couldn't have asked for more. Then suddenly once again around the same time (March) she pulled the same stunt and wanted "space". She said lifes busy, she has new friends she loves going out with and she doesn't want to be in a relationship. The thing is, I really only got to see her once a week and sometimes I stayed over at her place for the weekend but other than that she had all the time in the world to do what she wanted. I also never told her she couldn't spend the time she wanted with her friends. She doesn't feel like she can contribute to the relationship on a level like I was doing for her. She's 24, I'm 26. Anyway, I'm on 3 weeks NC now and she hasn't made a single attempt to contact me. I didn't talk or see her for a week and sent her a text but she still was feeling indifferent about us. I believe she's finally come to a conclusion with me or she now has new friends to leech off of while I'm gone that will keep her mind off things. We had a few arguments here and there but overall she was an amazing person to have in my life. She brought me so much joy. I just wish she felt the same way but that's the reality of it and nothing I can do to change how she feels.

 

The problem now is, the day after she broke up with me she asked if she should buy the California tix because they were really cheap for the day. We had plans before the breakup to go to SF for a cousins wedding for the week and do a bit of traveling. I reminded her that she broke up with me and to have fun. UNFORTUNATELY, right after I said that, she decided to say something along the lines of "Well, if we get back together by then you can buy your tix later??". This has been giving me all false hopes for the last couple weeks now. That last thing she sent to be has been driving me nuts. Why the hell would she say that?!

 

Anyway, if you read this, thank you. Just needed to get this off my chest. It's been a pretty tough few weeks. I don't know what to do with myself now.

[yang2k4]

Well, here I am again. This girl and I got back together shortly after she broke it off with me. We spent another amazing year together. Traveled across country and really I couldn't have asked for more. Then suddenly once again around the same time (March) she pulled the same stunt and wanted "space". She said lifes busy, she has new friends she loves going out with and she doesn't want to be in a relationship. The thing is, I really only got to see her once a week and sometimes I stayed over at her place for the weekend but other than that she had all the time in the world to do what she wanted. I also never told her she couldn't spend the time she wanted with her friends. She doesn't feel like she can contribute to the relationship on a level like I was doing for her. She's 24, I'm 26. Anyway, I'm on 3 weeks NC now and she hasn't made a single attempt to contact me. I didn't talk or see her for a week and sent her a text but she still was feeling indifferent about us. I believe she's finally come to a conclusion with me or she now has new friends to leech off of while I'm gone that will keep her mind off things. We had a few arguments here and there but overall she was an amazing person to have in my life. She brought me so much joy. I just wish she felt the same way but that's the reality of it and nothing I can do to change how she feels.

 

The problem now is, the day after she broke up with me she asked if she should buy the California tix because they were really cheap for the day. We had plans before the breakup to go to SF for a cousins wedding for the week and do a bit of traveling. I reminded her that she broke up with me and to have fun. UNFORTUNATELY, right after I said that, she decided to say something along the lines of "Well, if we get back together by then you can buy your tix later??". This has been giving me all false hopes for the last couple weeks now. That last thing she sent to be has been driving me nuts. Why the hell would she say that?!

 

Anyway, if you read this, thank you. Just needed to get this off my chest. It's been a pretty tough few weeks. I don't know what to do with myself now.

 

Wow man. sorry to hear that. I'm going thru a similar situation myself (just happened yesterday) and I feel dazzled. I know its hard to accept, but, sometimes, love is just not reciprocated, people will flake, or get scary if things go too serious. Truth is, one never knows what's really on their mind, and that's what's really scary: fear of the unknown in the words of HP Lovecraft.

 

I do hope you feel better soon. That you get some clousure out of this and that you wake up one day feeling "lighter" because that feeling wasn't there anymore.... Right now, I'm listening to "bookends" by the smiths... True song; life is about moments; it was a good time, but if someone wanted out, they weren't feeling the same level of love.

 

Time can change and make people mature and grow, but there's always the chance you won't be there.and I guess you shouldn't wait. In life, love is matter of sinchronization. Sometimes people are just running at different paces.

 

Wish you my truly best.

[Vegas]

Wow man. sorry to hear that. I'm going thru a similar situation myself (just happened yesterday) and I feel dazzled. I know its hard to accept, but, sometimes, love is just not reciprocated, people will flake, or get scary if things go too serious. Truth is, one never knows what's really on their mind, and that's what's really scary: fear of the unknown in the words of HP Lovecraft.

 

I do hope you feel better soon. That you get some clousure out of this and that you wake up one day feeling "lighter" because that feeling wasn't there anymore.... Right now, I'm listening to "bookends" by the smiths... True song; life is about moments; it was a good time, but if someone wanted out, they weren't feeling the same level of love.

 

Time can change and make people mature and grow, but there's always the chance you won't be there.and I guess you shouldn't wait. In life, love is matter of sinchronization. Sometimes people are just running at different paces.

 

Wish you my truly best.

 

 

Hey, I really appreciate the wise words. Not sure your situation but I hope you can work your way through it, it's def a tough road to go down when you're the one who cared.

 

She wrote me this email when we were int he middle of the breakup..

 

I know you've been trying to keep things going and I noticed that I'm not trying as hard. I just don't feel as in it as you do I guess. I feel like I'm very up and down about our relationship, sometimes I'm in it and sometimes I feel like it's more work than it should be. I don't think you're asking too much, but the fact that I feel like you are and it seems like a hassle for me, worries me. I shouldn't get annoyed having to text you everyday, I should want to.

I do get excited to see you and I do enjoy my time with you...I think that's why I don't want to talk when you are over, because I do genuinely like having you around and in my life.

I don't think you had to write me that apology note because I think that I would be acting the same way you are if I felt I was loosing you. Does this make sense? Would you still like to talk later?

 

Let me know

 

Love,

 

Then this one shortly after...

 

In all honesty I really wish I wasn't feeling wishy washy. I know that I have it very good with you, but I want to also feel like I want to give you everything I can. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I'm just enjoying my new friends, or I just want some room to grow as a person. I'm really just not sure.

 

It just sucks knowing I bent over backwards for this girl and she could easily walk away. Some things are just so confusing in life. She also texted me back when I texted her the first week and said she's not confident and she can't be with anyone if she's not happy with herself. She also said its not making her happy being with me because of these things and she feels she is at rock bottom dealing with herself but now that I'm out of the picture she is lighter knowing she doesn't have to worry about giving me everything she could. She claimed she is very happy and excited to get the chance to love herself and hopefully come back into my life as someone stronger and won't be dragging me down. She loves me and misses me but she said this is what she needs. So I was a gentlemen and accepted her request as hard as it was and let her go. Haven't seen her in over a month and we haven't talked in 3 weeks. She would normally come back in a few days and admit she's just being dumb and her emotions are toying with her but this time she disappeared..

[Trovador]

I think there is another guy, but neither him and your ex are sure about going steady...

 

No, I think the other guy is unsure, that's why your ex is on the fence about you... she has put you and keeps you in the back burner... but, she has been warning you, you are the one unable to see it...

 

You deserve better and should be in NC long ago...

[Vegas]

Well, 30 days today and she contacted me.

 

Her: Hey how are you?

 

Me: I'm doing the best I can, hope you're doing well.

 

Her: I'm okay

 

And that's it. Not sure why she texted me but I don't plan to initiate anything past that. If she wants to talk, she will give me a little more than that. Seems like a can of worms to me and she's just looking for the bite.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, 30 days today and she contacted me.

 

Her: Hey how are you?

 

Me: I'm doing the best I can, hope you're doing well.

 

Her: I'm okay

 

And that's it. Not sure why she texted me but I don't plan to initiate anything past that. If she wants to talk, she will give me a little more than that. Seems like a can of worms to me and she's just looking for the bite.

 

And you gave her the bite by responding. Don't respond to that type of text next time.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Well, 30 days today and she contacted me.

 

Her: Hey how are you?

 

Me: I'm doing the best I can, hope you're doing well.

 

Her: I'm okay

 

And that's it. Not sure why she texted me but I don't plan to initiate anything past that. If she wants to talk, she will give me a little more than that. Seems like a can of worms to me and she's just looking for the bite.

 

Responding was a bad idea. She feels bad for you because of what happened. It was meant for her own purposes. Release some guilt and make sure you're doing okay. That can of worms you were talking about? You already bit.

 

Good idea: Dont initiate anything. Keep moving forward

[lauri]

Responding was a bad idea. She feels bad for you because of what happened. It was meant for her own purposes. Release some guilt and make sure you're doing okay. That can of worms you were talking about? You already bit.

 

Good idea: Dont initiate anything. Keep moving forward

 

Agree with this.

 

You made her realize you aren't over her.

 

Should have just ignored her and made her figure it out via your silence that you have moved on and are no longer a 2nd option for her.

[Vegas]

Despite responding to her, it was a neutral response. Nothing in that told her I wasn't over her or I was. I took the high road and responded because I felt that was the right thing to do since she initiated the first contact after a set amount of time. I don't hate her but I'm not letting her back. Just curious why she cares

[Simon Phoenix]

Despite responding to her, it was a neutral response. Nothing in that told her I wasn't over her or I was. I took the high road and responded because I felt that was the right thing to do since she initiated the first contact after a set amount of time. I don't hate her but I'm not letting her back. Just curious why she cares

 

A neutral response is still a response and any response at all, from neutral to angry to happy, shows that you are on the hook. As for why she texted, she probably wants to make sure you are doing OK to relieve her own guilt about how things went down. it's a pretty basic dumper play.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Despite responding to her, it was a neutral response. Nothing in that told her I wasn't over her or I was. I took the high road and responded because I felt that was the right thing to do since she initiated the first contact after a set amount of time. I don't hate her but I'm not letting her back. Just curious why she cares

 

Yeah agree with Simon here. It was still a response.As I said above, its to take away some guilt and make sure you're okay. Its a breadcrumb and nothing else. She cares because she is a human and you spent time together.

[Vegas]

Fair enough. Doesn't change anything for me. I'm sure she's ecstatic I responded but I'm also sure it's not the kind of response she was looking for. I still feel good that I'm initiating no contact myself. Most people crack after a few days. In my opinion, she's starting to feel the hurt

[Simon Phoenix]

Fair enough. Doesn't change anything for me. I'm sure she's ecstatic I responded but I'm also sure it's not the kind of response she was looking for. I still feel good that I'm initiating no contact myself. Most people crack after a few days. In my opinion, she's starting to feel the hurt

 

You cracked when you responded. You aren't in No Contact. No Contact isn't a two-person thing, it's an individual thing. Only you can break it, and you did. And you have no idea if she's feeling any hurt or not.

[pickflicker]

Despite responding to her, it was a neutral response. Nothing in that told her I wasn't over her or I was. I took the high road and responded because I felt that was the right thing to do since she initiated the first contact after a set amount of time. I don't hate her but I'm not letting her back. Just curious why she cares

 

I think if you don't have any intention to get back with her, there's no point in replying to her messages.

 

Silence is probably best.

[Vegas]

So Thursday afternoon she texted me again and said "Hii! Is your sister in labor?" I didn't end up responding this time. Then texted me today and said "Happy Easter "name". I Miss you". Again, didn't respond. I feel bad not responding because I would like to work things out with her but it's best I think to ignore her. If she feels she wants to work something out or come back to me she can either call me or come to my place. Like I said earlier, it's just her looking for an ego boost because I've been incognito. I think she may have gotten a little high off that earlier response now she's looking for reasons to text me and get that satisfaction again. Anyway, figured I'd vent here again. Thanks for listening

[lauri]

So Thursday afternoon she texted me again and said "Hii! Is your sister in labor?" I didn't end up responding this time. Then texted me today and said "Happy Easter "name". I Miss you". Again, didn't respond. I feel bad not responding because I would like to work things out with her but it's best I think to ignore her. If she feels she wants to work something out or come back to me she can either call me or come to my place. Like I said earlier, it's just her looking for an ego boost because I've been incognito. I think she may have gotten a little high off that earlier response now she's looking for reasons to text me and get that satisfaction again. Anyway, figured I'd vent here again. Thanks for listening

 

Great job!!!

 

Let her learn what it truly means to break up with you...that her decision actually MEANS something and that she cannot have the best of both worlds. You are gone, she had her chance and that is the most important thing to show here.

 

Even if she does ask for you back I wouldn't accept it - I would tell her that you have begun to move on and you don't want to be with someone who is emotionally volatile. She will have to work to regain your trust and work things out - breaking up with someone isn't a job. She may come running back to you and start sending numerous breadcrumbs, but just stay strong and avoid getting sucked into ANYTHING with her.

[Vegas]

Great job!!!

 

Let her learn what it truly means to break up with you...that her decision actually MEANS something and that she cannot have the best of both worlds. You are gone, she had her chance and that is the most important thing to show here.

 

Even if she does ask for you back I wouldn't accept it - I would tell her that you have begun to move on and you don't want to be with someone who is emotionally volatile. She will have to work to regain your trust and work things out - breaking up with someone isn't a job. She may come running back to you and start sending numerous breadcrumbs, but just stay strong and avoid getting sucked into ANYTHING with her.

 

Thanks Lauri, it's definitley a set back every time she sends me a text because then she's all thats on my mind for the next couple days and when I don't hear from her again for a while, it gets a little better.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

So Thursday afternoon she texted me again and said "Hii! Is your sister in labor?" I didn't end up responding this time. Then texted me today and said "Happy Easter "name". I Miss you". Again, didn't respond. I feel bad not responding because I would like to work things out with her but it's best I think to ignore her. If she feels she wants to work something out or come back to me she can either call me or come to my place. Like I said earlier, it's just her looking for an ego boost because I've been incognito. I think she may have gotten a little high off that earlier response now she's looking for reasons to text me and get that satisfaction again. Anyway, figured I'd vent here again. Thanks for listening

 

HUGE props to you man. LOADS of people on here couldnt do what you did. You have an understanding of what she is doing. Keep your footing and get the power back.

[lauri]

Thanks Lauri, it's definitley a set back every time she sends me a text because then she's all thats on my mind for the next couple days and when I don't hear from her again for a while, it gets a little better.

 

Oh yeah man...trust its going to be a rollercoaster. You're going to go through so many highs and lows, but in the end of things you are going to really be someone who is much much better for this. Honestly really proud of you - you would be surprised how many people don't listen and keep themselves in pain much longer then they need to.

[Vegas]

HUGE props to you man. LOADS of people on here couldnt do what you did. You have an understanding of what she is doing. Keep your footing and get the power back.

 

Thanks, I suppose I could be over analyzing this too. For all I know she might just be reaching out as a friendly gesture and not actually care too much for a response. Although, the "I miss you" was a different touch. I didn't respond because the last time I did when she asked how I was, the conversation went nowhere so I avoided wasting anymore time. I'm walking away with my head high because she admitted she had it very well with me and wished she wasn't wishy washy about our relationship because she does enjoy having me in her life. I guess time will tell, so far we have small evidence.

[Trovador]

it's definitley a set back every time she sends me a text because then she's all thats on my mind for the next couple days...

 

That's the answer to some threads asking: Why my ex keeps contacting me?

[Simon Phoenix]

Great job keeping your self-control. If her contact, even when you don't answer, bothers you you can always block her number. That might be worth trying. But either way, good work thus far, keep it up!