lindoslover Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My first post here, I googled "the no contact rule" this morn and it brought me here. Someone please give me some advice, I'm at a loss here, in despair. My partner and I will have been together 8yrs this Sept, we have never lived together, I live with my two boys who are now 18 and 15 (so my partner has been part of their lives since they were 10 and 7, a long time) we have had great times together, fantastic holidays and I thought we would eventually live together, maybe even marry. Recently, since christmas we have both been exhausted, we both had a nasty flu bug thru January, long working hours, seeing each other every ten days or so, we had a silly argument last Friday, no communication till Monday night when he called me and said he thought we should end it, he was tearful, told me he loved me, always will, but we hardly see each other and he didn't want me to end up hating him. I came off the phone broken, sent him a couple of pleading texts to which he didn't answer, the next morn I sent him an email, I suggested that surely the solution to hardly seeing each other would be to move in together, we are not young kids, he is 54 and I am 50, we love each other, why???? He ignored the email. I haven't contacted him since that email on Tues morn and its killing me, I so want him to call me or give me SOMETHING. My feelings are going from hurt to anger to utter despair, I feel such a fool that after all this time he can just end it. Will he be hurting too? Is there a chance he will contact me? Someone please help Link to post Share on other sites
Mint Sauce Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 hi there, sorry you're hurting, it is understandable. Allow me to first ask about the elephant in the room: at your age, how come after so many years together, you weren't living together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindoslover Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 we had both had a bad previous marriage and a previous bad relationship, so when we both got together we were very wary, my boys were young...and the time has just passed by quickly. thats the only way I can explain it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Your logic, to move in together is perfectly reasonable and would solve the issue he stated. He's being totally ignorant of your feelings at the moment..ignoring your email is just cruel and shows he is sticking his head in the sand over this. I would not contact him again, the ball is totally in his court. If you push again, it may well push him further away. Maybe he needs time to think, but you would've thought that after so long together, he'd at least show you the respect to tell you this. Just a note, I was that man, was with her for weirdly, 7 and a half years, without living together for reasons I wont go into here...we ended, rightfully so, she deserved better. Link to post Share on other sites
Mint Sauce Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 from the sound of it, and I see no way to put this gently, sorry, it's too late. It is his mistake to not voice his concerns before arriving at the stage where he wants to end it, but that doesn't change the fact that it sounds as if he checked out already. Perhaps the lack of prospect killed the spark. Perhaps there's someone else on his horizon...Do you have any evidence in that direction? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindoslover Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 no evidence of someone else, he works 6 days a week, I think we have both let things slip for a while, not intentionally, I love him with all my heart and want to resolve this, but I dont want to bombard him and push him further. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I understand you both have been in bad marriages, and I understand the need to proceed with caution and go slowly... but almost EIGHT years? Where was this relationship even going? You were such a big part of his and his kid's lives but were you both just going to coast along like this until the end of days? Perhaps he wanted something more and doesn't see it going past where it's at now. If that was the case it would have made sense for him to speak up and say something...this whole situation just sounds off. There's something he's not telling you, or you're not telling us, or there are things you may not know. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Something doesn't add up. He's breaking up because you both aren't spending more time together. Throwing away eight years when this is such an easy fix, if time together is his real issue. I have a feeling there is something more going on with him than what he's currently revealing. His silence and avoidance is telling. Link to post Share on other sites
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